Live with four other people, don't get along with one of them, what do I do?

[iswim18]

Hello,

 

So, as the title of my post says, I live with four other people and I really don't get along with one of them. I know people probably say this all of the time, but I usually get along with almost everyone. I've never had a problem like this where I literally just don't relate to someone at all (or I just never noticed it because I've never had to live with anyone I literally don't relate to). I feel like I've tried really hard to like this person, but I just don't. I feel like she isn't genuine and talks a lot about other people so I don't think she'd hesitate to talk about me or any one of my room mates. Sometimes I feel like she makes and effort to be nice to me (it's her birthday tonight and she invited me to come get drinks with her and my other room mate and then later purposely saved sharing a story with others until I was there) and so I need to make that effort with her but it's really difficult. We don't have that much to talk about and I feel like a lot of our conversations are awkward, which is the biggest turnoff when I go to speak to her.

 

I would like to somehow move past this. I don't want to be caught up on how she is as a person (I'm never going to change that and I don't want to have a huge "room mate conference" over it because it's not anything she's DONE necessarily it's just how she is) and we are room mates- we're going to have to live together for a while. We don't fight or anything like that but I feel like we both know it's awkward and I also feel like my annoyance with her is becoming increasingly apparent. I don't want to create any tensions in the house so I'd really just like to try and nip this problem in the bud so to speak!

 

How does anyone suggest I do this? How do I move passed getting annoyed when I talk to her? I realize that you're not going to be best friends with everyone, and that's fine, but I can see that I now instantly judge her before anything has come out of her mouth, and I don't want to be like that. My other room mates seem to deal with it fine: one of them gets along with her really well and the other two are like me but seem to still be able to share some good moments with her talking, shooting the breeze, and whatnot. That's the hard part for me.

 

I'd like to move past my own feelings about her and actually be able to have a nice, friendly relationship with her as we'll be room mates for many more months to come. Any suggestions??

 

Thanks so much!

[abitbroken]

Just remind yourself that they are just roommates. That any invite from them is just out of being cordial and they are not your friends nor owe you anything. If she tries and you just don't have anything in common - only accept SOME invitations or try to figure out what she likes. I would make it a point to hang out with OTHER friends and when she invites you - just be cordial. You don't have to try to have a deep friendship.

[bluexin99]

It seems that you're annoyed because she gets along with your other roommates and you feel somewhat left out. But that's okay - it's impossible for a person to get along with everyone. I guess sometimes you just have to accept it. You've tried your hardest to like her and if things don't click then there's not much you can do.

 

I've had similar experiences e.g. feeling excluded by a group of girls back in high school not because they didn't involve me in their conversation but because we didn't share anything in common. I wasn't trendy and I wasn't into make up. But I learnt to accept that that's okay.

 

Cheer up!