lord voldemort Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Hello friends, I had a breakup with my gf about 10 months ago.we were in relationship for about 4 years.But the way she ended all things was very bad.So i am having lot of grudge for her and i am having lot of anger inside me for her and her husband.She sometimes try to contact me.I want to know that why she contacts me even though i don't reply her? is it any feeling of guilt inside her or she is just passing time?..Also what should i do to let her go from my mind...?..should i forgive her?..if yes then how to forgive her when my mind is bubbling with anger for her... Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 WEll that sucks...she was still married? To someone else? Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 no..she got married after breakup... Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Ohhhhh. I did that in my first marriage, I loved my ex so I rebounded *this is why I am harsh on re bounders* into a marriage. So anyway that failed for reasons of its own, But my ex (one of my first boyfriends) he ended up moving on too and getting married to someone else... ANYWAY what am I getting at? Ok what I am trying to say is that...she is married. She made a choice. You shouldn't have an affair it will only hurt both of you. You should not contact her nor should you allow her to speak to you while she's with her husband..bad karma... The reason why she is contacting you is because she is still in love with you and she married her rebound, that is all. Should you forgive her? Well yes if you are the one who broke up with her and broke her heart...then in that case you should show mercy because you are the one that broke her heart and sent her rebounding in the first place. But that doesn't mean you get back together. If she is worth waiting for, wait until she gets a divorce. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Oh I should also ad that my first marriage failed, so did his, but then I re-married for a second time and it was not to him! And he moved on also. And even though I have a soft spot for the guy big time, he is not my type whatsoever!! It's funny how life changes you. I would not date him now even though I am single again. And he wouldn't date me either. If it's broken leave it broken sometimes... Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 OH I should add years later he did apologize, he took my hand and he cried and he said he was very sorry for hurting me. So I accepted his apology and I forgave him I have 0 hard feelings for the guy. I wish him well. Link to comment
anya1607307555 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 You won't be able to let go of her whilst you're still wondering why this or that happened. Essentially it's like flicking a switch, it is possible to decide to not think about her/the past relationship again, you just need to stay strong and silently commit yourself to rechannelling any thoughts which come to mind. Whether you choose to forgive her in the future is up to you but it won't happen until the anger has subsided, and your feelings about her are neutral. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Oh also you should not hate her husband, it's not HIS fault she hurt you. My current latest EX, I hate him sometimes. Sometimes I feel sorry for him because hes got issues, but mainly I hate him But I would never hate his future girlfriends or wives...it's not their fault he hurt me... Link to comment
crosbyfan Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 The emotion of hate will tie you to her. The opposite of love is not hate, but rather it's indifference. It's easier said then done, but in order to move in to the indifference stage, forgiveness will help you. Forgive her, not for any other reason than it will help you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, it simply means you no longer will dwell upon it and that it doesn't define your emotions. Try to start by replacing a positive thought with every negative thought you have of her. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 You're smart for not allowing her contact. You don't need to forgive anyone you don't want to forgive. You get to decide how much of your mind space and emotional energy you want to give someone, and when you're tired enough of what it costs you to do that, you'll move your focus onto creating the kind of future YOU want. When you choose to focus on your building own life, you won't have the room or the time to spend on a ghost. It's a decision. Link to comment
The Man Who Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Lord Voldemort, There are a few ways you can approach this but the best one I found was to positively say to yourself every day for about 1-2 weeks is "I release the need to care about (insert name here) anymore". Affirmations are a wonderful way to reprogramme your subconscious and conscious minds. Think about it like this, when someone has lied and people know the person is lying the liar usually tells the same story over and over again because they truly believe it. The more you tell yourself things the more you'll believe them! Give it a try and see how it goes bud Link to comment
elastic Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 when someone has lied and people know the person is lying the liar usually tells the same story over and over again because they truly believe it. The more you tell yourself things the more you'll believe them! Funny, this is what my ex is doing right now. She has been lying to our mutual friends and her family about why she broke up with me. Classic case of GIGS but she's telling people that I took her for granted...and I'm sure she's now convinced herself of this. Link to comment
The Man Who Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Funny, this is what my ex is doing right now. She has been lying to our mutual friends and her family about why she broke up with me. Classic case of GIGS but she's telling people that I took her for granted...and I'm sure she's now convinced herself of this. So is mine mate! One of her pals had a go at me on Friday night because of what "she knew", I just laughed it off right in front of her Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 i was not the one who broke up..she broke up..she broke my heart and i have no intention of forgiving her.. i was not one who sent her in rebounding..she chose for it.. at any cost i don't want her back..also i am not in affair with anyone.. but noway i want to forgive her..she has hurt me so much... Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 You won't be able to let go of her whilst you're still wondering why this or that happened. Essentially it's like flicking a switch, it is possible to decide to not think about her/the past relationship again, you just need to stay strong and silently commit yourself to rechannelling any thoughts which come to mind. Whether you choose to forgive her in the future is up to you but it won't happen until the anger has subsided, and your feelings about her are neutral. now i don't keep wondering that why all the stuff happened.. but i have so much anger inside me which keeps me redirecting to her... i want to erase her completely out of my life... my feelings can never be neutral for her.... i want to forget her but i am not getting how to do that.. Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 The emotion of hate will tie you to her. The opposite of love is not hate, but rather it's indifference. It's easier said then done, but in order to move in to the indifference stage, forgiveness will help you. Forgive her, not for any other reason than it will help you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, it simply means you no longer will dwell upon it and that it doesn't define your emotions. Try to start by replacing a positive thought with every negative thought you have of her. you are right but i am just not able to do that.. i want to be completely indifferent towards her life and want to forget her completely... but i just am not able to gather any positive thought about her.. i am just bubbling inside with anger for her... what to do? Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 You're smart for not allowing her contact. You don't need to forgive anyone you don't want to forgive. You get to decide how much of your mind space and emotional energy you want to give someone, and when you're tired enough of what it costs you to do that, you'll move your focus onto creating the kind of future YOU want. When you choose to focus on your building own life, you won't have the room or the time to spend on a ghost. It's a decision. you are right.i want to build my life again.. i just want to live like she is non-existent for me.. i want to focus on positive things but am not getting that how i should do that.. Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Lord Voldemort, There are a few ways you can approach this but the best one I found was to positively say to yourself every day for about 1-2 weeks is "I release the need to care about (insert name here) anymore". Affirmations are a wonderful way to reprogramme your subconscious and conscious minds. Think about it like this, when someone has lied and people know the person is lying the liar usually tells the same story over and over again because they truly believe it. The more you tell yourself things the more you'll believe them! Give it a try and see how it goes bud whenever i try to do such , anger about her comes like a flash in me... it is making me mad.. i am just not able to sleep and also i am loosing hope.. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Losing hope for what? That you will be able to let go of the anger? Try to focus on something else. Everytime you have a thought of her, purposely do another action. One that is not so much fun --- like clean a room, or go for a walk, whatever. And each time, even if you just finished, do it again when you think of her again. You just need to re-program your mind. Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 Losing hope for what? That you will be able to let go of the anger? Try to focus on something else. Everytime you have a thought of her, purposely do another action. One that is not so much fun --- like clean a room, or go for a walk, whatever. And each time, even if you just finished, do it again when you think of her again. You just need to re-program your mind. i am loosing hope that someday i will come out of these.Whenever i sit alone, her face comes in front of me. i try 2 change my focus on different things.But it is damn difficult Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 No one said it would be easy....changing mindsets or behavior is one of the most difficult things to do. I found it helpful to limit my thinking to 1/2 hr a day -- to just give into for a short time. And then, later in the day when I would start to think about it again, force myself to get up and do something - anything -- a change of scene, exercise, errands - anything that made my mind focus on me and my life, not "our" time together. Good luck -- I truly mean that. Link to comment
lord voldemort Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 No one said it would be easy....changing mindsets or behavior is one of the most difficult things to do. I found it helpful to limit my thinking to 1/2 hr a day -- to just give into for a short time. And then, later in the day when I would start to think about it again, force myself to get up and do something - anything -- a change of scene, exercise, errands - anything that made my mind focus on me and my life, not "our" time together. Good luck -- I truly mean that. hey really thanx... i would try to do whatever you have suggested.... also you are right that this will never be easy... Link to comment
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