Children with large age gaps

[Kalika]

Hey ENA,

 

Question for you all - have any of you experienced having kids far apart in age, or know of anyone who has?

 

I am asking this because I already have an 8 year old (I am 28) and a large part of the reason that I am unsure about having more kids is that there would be such a huge age gap between them, at least 10 years - maybe even more.

 

Then again, my son is an extremely sweet, loving guy and I think he would be a fantastic older brother.

 

Have any of you had kids with such a large age gap between, or are you an age gap kid?? I'm just wondering how it worked out.

 

Thanks!!

[Melting]

I have a 15yo son and a 5yo daughter.

 

I honestly never thought I would never have any problems as he is a sweet, loving boy.

 

I guess the main issues would be...

 

She wants to play with him and he isn't interested at all.

She wants all my attention and is jealous of him.

They bicker constantly, cos they are at different stages of life.

I feel like I am bringing up 2 different children, from 2 different households.

He doesn't help out as much with her, as I had hoped.

[Kalika]

Thanks for the reply Melting - I have to ask, how did it come to be that your children were 10 years apart?

[Melting]

I honestly thought at the time that I would be happy with one child.

 

Then I hit 34 and panicked, my time was running out and I desperately wanted another child. So, we went ahead and to this day I do not regret it at all. I managed to have a life for myself inbetween and now have 2 beautiful children.

[Kalika]

Thanks for posting Melting. Not sure if anyone else will because this is kind of an uncommon thing to happen apparently

[Mercurial Girl]

I am 11 years older than my brother and I'd say we have a decent relationship. Things are a bit different than your average brother/sister relationship, moreso because he is technically a "half" brother and there was a lot of physical distance between us when he was growing up. However, he's always looked up to me more as a parent or maybe aunt and respected me more than a sister to pick on and deliberately be annoying towards....gotta admit that was and still is a relief When he was a baby/toddler I had a LOT of fun playing with him when I had the chance and I'm looking forward to seeing how things will change now that he's in his teens. I have had a few touching moments with him when he's opened up to me and told me things he would never tell his parents so it will be interesting to see how that evolves over time.

 

I'm glad that my dad and stepmom decided to have my brother, my only regret being that I hadn't spent enough time with him growing up, so I feel like I have some catching up to do.

[Melting]

Personally, I think if you truly feel that you want another..... then go for it. Don't let the age gap issue bother you.

 

I am just glad that I did it when I did and didn't wait any longer.

[22n32]

I'm 30 and have a 3 and 6yr old brother... Wish I got to grow up with em..

[pinkelephant]

I really liked hanging out with my kid brother and kid sister. If anything, it really changed me as a person. More than I ever thought possible. Seriously. If it weren't for the step mother drama, things would be great. Being an only child sucks! The bond between brothers and sisters is really something else.

 

 

I also have lots of cousins and I'm close to all of them, even the ones that are much older than me, almost 10.. The one I'm thinking about, he's 9 years older actually, but it really changes your life perspective and stuff. Obviously sibling relationships are never smooth, but that's why they change you.

[Tanzi]

There is a 10 year age gap between my eldest and my youngest children. They are 16 and 6. I also have a 13 year old, making her 7 years older than her younger sister.

 

When I first told them I was having a baby they were sooooo excited and they were over the moon when she was born. They were, and still are, amazing with her. Yes she can annoy them sometimes but they can also annoy each other. Siblings of any age can do that. The girls' father left us two weeks after her 2nd birthday and together, with the girls, she has had a solid and stable upbringing. She adores her sisters and looks up to them.

 

I never thought I would have another child but, well, I suddenly became very broody. Nevertheless we thought long and hard before deciding to start all over again and when I was pregnant I did naturally wonder how it would all fit together .... even more so after their father left but, with or without him, it has been the perfect balance .

[Kalika]

I never thought I would have another child but, well, I suddenly became very broody. Nevertheless we thought long and hard before deciding to start all over again and when I was pregnant I did naturally wonder how it would all fit together .... even more so after their father left but, with or without him, it has been the perfect balance .

 

That's the part that worries me. Starting all over, and if I have more kids it would probably be around the time my son is becoming a preteen. So, at the same time I would have an angsty teenager, I would also have a screaming toddler. Sigh.

[Seraphim]

It can be a daunting thought. I got pregnant when my son was almost 10. At first I was a little bit upset because I had just got to the point he was more self sufficient and I thought, " omg I have to start over?!" Although I had always wanted another child it seemed impossible for me, so I had given up. I got over the shock rather fast though. Then when I got pregnant this year I had none of the, " omg I have to start over" feeling.

 

One of my aunts had her last son when her eldest was 17. She had her eldest son at 17 and her youngest at 34.( she had 5 kids in total) There never seemed to be an issue with my cousins. The older 3 were in one family group because they were 17,15,12 and the younger two were another family group because they were 2 and newborn. They are all good friends as adults. The youngest has very severe Down's but he LOVES his eldest sibling and his brother loves him, very much. They are awesome together.

 

It can be daunting but entirely doable.

[Moontiger]

I am one of 4 kids. I am the youngest and by far I get along best with my oldest sibling who is 10 years older than me. I think its because when kids are close in age they tend to step on each other toes in a lot of ways. My eldest sister was able to teach me a lot of things and I always felt so cool getting to hang out with an older kid, lol.

[sharsachan]

I was 11 when my brother was born, there is no one between us. We get along well, but we were alwase at different stages. he was a toddler, I was in jr high. I was in high school and he was barely starting kindergarten and the like. I'm married and having kids, he's a sophomore in high school. I was more like another mom and now I'm more like an aunt, we never had a normal brother/sister relationship. I love him, no doubt. But he was never the brother I could play with in the evenings and weekends.

 

We were so far apart because my mom had two miscarriages after me and gave up hope of having another child. My brother was a surprise [my parents were using BC and condoms] baby

[Unknown1607307972]

I have a brother twelve years younger than me and one who is almost eighteen years younger than me (my mum was quite young when she had me). I also have three other brothers (my dad's kids) who are younger than me but I was still a young kid when they were born so it was different. I guess I am quite odd, I am used to kids but I get overwhelmed by them so I didn't bond with them for a while.

 

I was upset at first when I was twelve to hear my mum was having another baby because she'd always been my mum and I felt I'd lose her to the new baby and that her and my stepdad and this baby would be this little nuclear family without me. This feeling stayed with me for a long time, it wasn't till a month or so after he was born that I got attached to him. Before this he was basically this unknown baby who I had no sisterly bond with because I felt he brought unwanted change and because I simply didn't know him, it was when he began to show character to me that I warmed up to him. I wasn't really a big sister to him in the way that we'd go of and play together as I was pretty much a teenager, I played with him as a grown up would play with a baby. It took a while for me to adapt but it was totally fine in the end, I wouldn't ever undo the fact that he exists now.

 

With the other one I again reacted badly, I felt they were going to be even more of a nuclear family (I have a particular thing about 'nuclear family' it seems and because I was reaching my older teens I'd be even less a part of the family. Again, didn't bond with him till he showed personality which made him less "child x" and more my brother.

 

With both I had incidences of people thinking they were my children even when I was only thirteen.

 

The point of me saying this is to point out that even if the much older child isn't exactly thrilled at first to hear about a new baby it doesn't mean it'll stay that way. If I could learn to love my little brothers (being the weird change-hating panicky person who gets overwhelmed by small kids that I am) then any child can! You can't expect them to play the same way siblings closer in age would but they can still get along well and be attached.

[blueidealist24]

I don't think it's that different than any other siblings - my sister and I are 6 years apart, and we fought a lot when we were younger, but it seems that siblings that are only like 2 years apart fight a lot too.. equally. The only problem I remember is that when my Mom was going to take us both somewhere it was sometimes hard to find an activity that satisfied both our ages, for example, when we were 3 and 9 and went to a movie.

[Unknown1607307972]

I don't think it's that different than any other siblings - my sister and I are 6 years apart, and we fought a lot when we were younger, but it seems that siblings that are only like 2 years apart fight a lot too.. equally. The only problem I remember is that when my Mom was going to take us both somewhere it was sometimes hard to find an activity that satisfied both our ages, for example, when we were 3 and 9 and went to a movie.

 

I think the biggest difference is the fact that they are in two different stages in life. I was almost a teenager when my mum had her second child so we didn't "play" together like children because I was so much older. I was more like another adult figure in his life than a fellow kid, but at the same time not a parent.

[Seraphim]

I think the biggest difference is the fact that they are in two different stages in life. I was almost a teenager when my mum had her second child so we didn't "play" together like children because I was so much older. I was more like another adult figure in his life than a fellow kid, but at the same time not a parent.

 

Yes, that can happen like with my cousins. My one cousin is 17 years older than his brother and 15 years older than his 3rd youngest sister. Had my Liam survived my eldest son would be in HS and my youngest would just be starting school in JK. So they would be at entirely different stages in life. That leads to some difficulties but some very good things as well.

[tinkerbellkj]

I have a friend who is in her late 20's now and when she was about 16 her parents went on to have 1 biological and adopt 3 children who are now 10-6 years old. My friend has a 5 year old and an infant so her brothers and sisters play with her kids a lot. She has other siblings around her age and obviously her relationship with each set is just very different. She loves her little siblings but plays more of an aunt role, and they are able to come over to her house and have sleepovers etc. I think it's really cool, honestly!

 

My friend just had a baby 5 weeks ago, and she has a 15 yo daughter and she is hoping to have 1 more baby still! Her 15 yo could not wait to have a little sibling and is really happy about. For me a family is a family no matter how it's made up and everything will work out, 'traditional' or 'non-traditional.'

[teachermom]

My children are nearly 9 years apart. DH and I were quite happy with our daughter and didn't feel like we needed more children. I was about to turn 34, and I realized I wanted another child. We had our son and we've never been happier. Like Melting, I've managed to have a life between my children. I consider myself lucky to have been able to devote the "baby years" to each of my children without them having to share me. For my family it's been wonderful. I say go for it!

 

 

I honestly thought at the time that I would be happy with one child.

 

Then I hit 34 and panicked, my time was running out and I desperately wanted another child. So, we went ahead and to this day I do not regret it at all. I managed to have a life for myself inbetween and now have 2 beautiful children.