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Love, anger and control...


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Hello, I'm new and looking for some support and advice for my current situation. I'm 21 and at uni with my ex girlfriend who lives on a nearby road. I'm stuck in a difficult situation I find really hard to deal with where she broke up with me at the start of October but texting me.


She has had lots of personal problems over the year long relationship, but I have stuck by her through it all, all her friends are so supportive of me and say how good I've been which helps. But towards the end of the relationship, even though it was on my mind and I don't think I would have done it, she broke off the relationship because she could see our tensions and my strain when I tried to hide it. Occasionally, very occasionally we would argue and it was one of those occasions when it happened.


Since going no contact from getting horrible texts from her in the aftermath, and even just a a couple of weekends ago, I have got more texts. In fact I got one just a few hours ago saying that she is thinking of me, and how so very hard it is. She hopes I have support from my friends and family too (despite the fact all her friends have 'sided' with my story - she's been so harsh and nasty, and silly to throw my love and care back in my face) and that things will get better so it's all ok sort of thing.


A friend told me today they bumped into her, she is clearly starting to miss me hugely, and slowly feeling regret from being so angry and nasty for a while, because she is a very up and down person. Another friend told of how she kept suggesting she wants to get back together. Clearly we both feel the same way, although I am sure no contact on my side of things is the reason she's starting to reflect, but for some reason there's a block.


She is clearly confused, but she's stubborn, and can't be open and honest, because I feel, she sees it as 'giving in'.


She has often been funny about feeling as she looks up to me too much, despite all my efforts (I am a little older, more experienced etc in her eyes) but I have tried to bring us to the same level because otherwise it damages trust. Although she is trying to b honest with me, I feel there is still this problem: she doesn't want to give in to how we are both feeling.


I also know that if she knew I was feeling upset too, which I am, it would make her feel better, but at the moment at least, I cannot let her know that because she's still being stubborn and grasping for a feeling of control.


I would love nothing more for this long space to have given us the opportunity as it is doing gradually to learn things about ourselves and each other. She is now going along this process, and I hope one day we could be back together. But how can I let her relax more, speed up her reflection, and get us on the same level again? Time helps, but it is her nature to be stubborn and closed. When she has opened up, we have had the best times of our lives.


I'm sick of playing this control game - if we both care for each other so much, we should be both able to run into each other's arms. For some reason, there's still this block in her language and everything she says. I am sure to see her soon, maybe it's time to phone her and have a date.


What will bring us to the same level? It's what we both want, I'm sure...


Thank you for any responses and for reading my post

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This is where pride gets in the way isn't it...


If she's not going to make a move, why don't you?


Also, have you addressed your previous issues that led to the break up?


The worst thing you can do is get back together because you both have feelings for each other, but leave problems unsolved.

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The problems which led us to breakup was pressure on both of us from her personal problems. She suffers from quite bad panic attacks, about nothing, but also about things which pop into her head.Over the pas year I learnt to help her and be patient, but recently we have had a couple of conversations where we both agreed it was hard for both of us when it is stressing us both out. The easiest thing to do was to stop the relationship, and I think she turned angry and nasty in an attempt to justify it to herself...


I feel like gradually I can speak to her again, but I don't want to move too fast. In fact, I got another text last night saying 'I'm thinking of you, and I hadn't realised how hard this is' sort of thing. Then at the end she says how this will get better and how we can be 'civil' if we bump into each other.


Resolving our problems comes after we're back in communication, right? But at the moment there's still a little bit too much anger present in her, so I wouldn't want to push and contact her yet.

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I think she does need to sort her problems. But I'd rather the milder stress of being there for here when she's needing help than the heartbreak of all this. She's trying to be strong to convince herself she doesn't want to go back to our relationship.

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I think she does need to sort her problems. But I'd rather the milder stress of being there for here when she's needing help than the heartbreak of all this. She's trying to be strong to convince herself she doesn't want to go back to our relationship.


I know you want to be there for her, but this is something you can't fix. Give her the space she asked for. There isn't much else you can do.

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She asked for space, but she keeps texting and contacting me. The latest text I know she's safe, but she keeps contacting me. A mutual friend says she wants to get back together, but is being too stubborn to admit it, but time must be the only thing. It's so hard to deal with, I'm an anxious person too and it shows my insecurities

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