Wanted Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Hey everyone! I have posted on this site before when I was going through a tough break up about 2 years ago I want to say? Since then, NC worked for me and I got her back and been great since! Four months ago we finally moved in together after five years of dating and it has been horrible! Lots of fights, me spending more time with my friends, family, ect. Rather than her and I regret that SO BAD! So about a week and a half ago she broke up with me and said we are done and at my state of mind I did not care and we just agreed to finish our lease and head our separate ways. Last Friday, we had already had plans to go to Halloween Horror Nights (Universal Studios Halloween Theme, we live in Orlando and go every year.) with some mutual friends and at first it was not looking like we were going to go, but in the end I decided to go. As I was getting ready she basically attacked me and insisted to know where I was going and I asked her why she cared all of a sudden after being so cold with me. She started fussing and slightly crying after I told her she couldn't come and I was going (more my friends than hers). On the way over I broke down and told her I apologize for the way I acted and to come and she said "no I'm out" and as I was calling my friend to meet up she texted me apologizing for everything and that she was coming and was with my friend and his girl at the moment to meet up. So for some reason I felt angry after telling my friend not to invite her and he did anyways and I acted like a complete * * * * * * * that night, ignored her most of the night, ect. From that day forward I've apologized non stop, cried my ass off for her, surprised her with things she likes/wants, promised change to everything she hates about me, ect. She says she is done and it is final, that she is scared to try again, ect. I go through her phone because naturally, I think there is someone else involved so I see texts from guys, but cut off because it seems like she deleted ALL her texts before getting home. NC will not work because I am trying to show her she is my number one (which is a huge part of why she does not want to continue). I know I can change and I want to badly! I just want her back! Two days ago, after me breaking down in front of her she said just take it one day at a time, but I feel like she is just saying it to make me feel better. What should I do? I am dying on the inside. I don't eat, performance at work is terrible, ect. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Well if you stop acting like a douche, you might not have so many problems with her in the future. Don't get me wrong, she's acting like a douche aswell. Stop that nonsense behaviour between the two of you, and just sort it out. Act mature. Link to comment
ToF Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 It sounds like you acted pretty immaturely, sorry to say. You told her not to go to an even that she also goes to every year, then told her to go, then ignored her because you were mad at your friend ... And to top it all off you violated her right to privacy by going through her phone. You're an adult, she's an adult. You need to start acting that way if you want to have an adult relationship. To be honest, if I were her I would be very hesitant to try again too. I honestly don't mean to be harsh, but from what you've written here it sounds like you have a lot of work to do when it comes to communication and conflict resolution - two VERY important things in long-term relationships. You need some time to yourself to really work on what caused the breakup. Figure out why you've acted this way, and what you can do to better yourself. You also may need to do a bit of growing up before you can successfully live with a partner. I don't mean that as an insult, either - living with your romantic partner is not an easy thing to do. Link to comment
Wanted Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 I know the things that have caused this break up and they can easily fixed, I just think it is now too late and I'm trying too hard. I don't know why I acted that way, I honestly don't... Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Stop being needy, start acting like a confident man rather than a child, and you might just have better luck in the future with keeping a woman around. There are numerous explanations for the way you acted, though I won't detail them here as they generally deal with complex psychological and potentially abandonment issues. However, none of those explanations will excuse your behavior. Grow up, let her be, and do your best to walk away with maturity and dignity Link to comment
ToF Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 The fact that you don't know why you acted that way, tells me that you haven't stopped to give this enough thought. You are kinda freaking out to be honest. Just slow down. Link to comment
Wanted Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 I just want to know what to do, say, act, ect. I feel like this has all been one big stupid break up. It's even tougher since we live together. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I just want to know what to do, say, act, ect. I feel like this has all been one big stupid break up. It's even tougher since we live together. In other words, a quick fix. It's not that simple. Your relationship with this girl is severely damaged, and if she were to come up to you this evening saying she's madly in love with you and wants to be with you, you'd be ecstatic and happy and then right back to the fighting and conflict within a matter of weeks. Meh. Don't worry, you'll see. Link to comment
ToF Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I agree with camus; I think you are over-simplifying your issues, OP. Go ahead and promise her the moon on a silver platter and she might take you back, but if you don't solve the deeply-rooted issues here, you'll be back to square one very quickly. Link to comment
Wanted Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 I just want to do this right and make her the happiest woman ever, what is it going to take? Link to comment
ToF Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 It's going to take time. Lots of it. Go to therapy and stay single while you heal and sort yourself out. Link to comment
Wanted Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I believe she has made up her mind and it is now really over. She has been "hanging out with a friend" ALL day. All makes perfect sense now, she found someone else. thanks for the replies guys...I greatly appreciate it! Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Yo dude, don't take all of the blame. She could have very easily "sabotaged" things to justify this for herself. Welcome to female thinking. Walk tall and don't talk to her until you have your head straight. Feel free to PM me at any time. Link to comment
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