4 year relationship over, now been about 8 months...

[threestars]

last week for the first time in 2 months, she contacts me and tells me she still loves me and asks if I'm seeing someone, I say no and tell her I'm not interested in hearing if she does.

 

Less than a week later she contacts me to tell me she has a boyfriend because she didn't want me finding out some other way. I moved 4 hours away and have no contact with any of her friends.

 

Why would someone do this? I slightly feel relieved but at the same time it really hurts and I'm finally at the point where I'm not even thinking about the breakup etc, and then this bomb is dropped on me for NO APPARENT REASON.

[ToF]

Nah, there was a reason.

 

She's either bored, or she misses you, or she's just throwing out breadcrumbs to see if you'll take the bait (in other words, to see if she still has any "pull" over you). My opinion is that it's some combination of those three.

 

You handled it well. Kudos! Keep pushing forward.

[threestars]

Thanks for the response. Apparently it's been going on for over a month. It just really sucks cause I figured she would be with someone by now but there's a difference between assuming and actually knowing. I think it also hurts more because I feel like I was a decent person and we spent 4 years together. I respected her wishes when she broke up with me, but she doesn't respect mine when I ask her to stop contacting me months ago. Then further to tell me something which I specifically told her I wasn't interested in knowing is just mean/hurtful.

[manu85]

Hey, it must be hard for you to swallow this news, that's surely not an easy one...

 

In the end, I think she's just being honest to you, and I'd appreciate this too from my ex, because it shows she respects you and doesn't want you to feel like a fool (by being the last to know). This sure sounds easier than it is, but try to see this as an opportunity to finally let her go. Hopefully in a few months you'll be thankful to her for telling you the truth. Set her free and set yourself free, now you're on your definite path to a new and better chapter in your life!

[threestars]

thanks for the response manu, hope we finish up this win this afternoon!

 

But yea, she's just confusing she even told me how she's discussed me with the new boyfriend and how the love never goes away(which just seems baffling, what significant other wants to hear this? i almost feel bad for the guy...) I'm relieved but still upset, I don't want her back but it's tough knowing someone else is making her happy.

 

I ended this conversation by telling her for the last time, respect my desire to not be in contact as I have respected our breakup. I told her I don't think its fair to me, or the knew guy she's seeing. Something tells me I'll hear from her again unfortunately.

 

My only drawback is I've moved to a whole new are, 5 hours from friends etc. I've been having a lot of trouble meeting new friends and females so I dwell at times on a relationship I don't even almost want anymore. I grew up in the buzzing northeast and now live in a very rural country atmosphere. I'm only 26 and at this point I'm really interested in finding someone new but I don't even know where to begin. But, all things generally work themselves out so I'll continue to be optimistic.

[threestars]

her messaging today was followed up by a phone call just now, 20 minutes of her crying/complaining about things from the past, most of them happening in the first 6 months of out relationship. It's the first time she's called since June, I don't know why I answered because I knew it would be the same crap she always says. I actually feel better though after the phone call it was almost like closure that we never had. Honestly I feel bad for her current boyfriend, based on the phone call she's certainly not over me despite it being almost 8 months. She made a point to say it's been going on for over a month and that shes not getting weak for me, which didn't phase me, I care about her but she's way too crazy to consider anything in the future with anymore unfortunately.

 

 

She ended the conversation by saying I know you want kids and I hope you find out you can't have any and have a miserable life. Funny thing is I was only ever interested in having kids once meeting her and not for a few more years.

 

She's another guys problem now though so I guess that's something I should take comfort in.

[ToF]

She ended the conversation by saying I know you want kids and I hope you find out you can't have any and have a miserable life.

 

Who says something like that?! Dear god ... That's just awful. You are so lucky to have that out of your life.

[fortune]

The girl is insane !?!

Seems to me like she is trying to get a reaction out of you. She is being really manipulative. She needs to go sell crazy somewhere else ! Does this other boyfriend even exist ?

[threestars]

Yea I have a friend that still lives in the area and confirmed it. I would have never asked the friend otherwise but she wasn't acting like someone with a boyfriend she just seemed like she was trying to get a rise out of me. The fact that she does have a bf makes it even more mind boggling. She's with someone new and apparently happy, why go out of her way to bring me down because she knew thats all it would accomplish. She said I should be happy for her, I was flabbergasted, I'm the dumpee not the other way around.

 

I can only guess she knew it was a stab she could take because I let her know I didn't want to know. So first chance she gets, she lets me know. She certainly wasn't doing it to protect me.

 

 

She stalked me early in the breakup and became aware I was seeing someone. She acted all hurt by it even though she had no right to. So today she said, why does it matter if i have a boyfriend you hooked up with someone 2 months after we broke up. My response was, it doesn't matter that you have a boyfriend I just don't see why you feel the need to inform me about it when I've specifically told you I don't want to talk to you period let alone about your new relationship developments.

 

Most of my friends think shes playing tricks and trying to get me back, but I don't get that impression at all. Seems like she just wanted to let me know she's still around and doing great without me.

 

Thanks for the responses, much appreciated.

[threestars]

Barely slept a wink last night. I do indeed feel yesterday brought closure but once my head hit the pillow the thoughts got racing. I would have preferred to have continued on without having heard from her but I think this will help me finishing the coping process. I sent an e-mail basically explaining the reasons why i went no-contact. Mostly I just told her that I was being respectful of her and I didn't feel she was being respectful of me despite the fact that she still confesses her love to me. I don't want a relationship with her at all anymore. I just told her people have their reasons for no-contact and she should respect my wishes as opposed to looking for new outlets to contact me anytime I become available to her. Things will get better, but it will be a long few days.

[elastic]

Chin up threestars.

 

This girl is clearly unbalanced and does not deserve a moment of your time anymore. I know the feeling. It's hard to stop your mind from racing in the middle of the night. I made a list of all the reasons why my break up was good for me (I am the dumpee) and why my ex is bad for me. If I ever have trouble sleeping I read this list and sometimes add new things to it. Sounds silly but it's a good reminder that calms me down.

[threestars]

That's a good idea elastic, I think I'm going to come up with a list(although I'm going to need a lot of paper Thanks for the response.

[threestars]

Heard from her again today, at this point it's comical. She went on about how her new relationship and how they're in love and how she's going to marry him(previously marriage was something she didn't want period due to her personal family history). Then talked about the new guys career and when he first said he loved her(relationship started in july) and how happy she is now. She then dropped the bomb on how she's happy because he does/gives her everything she wants. When she said that I became so absolutely relieved that she's no longer my problem.

 

I ended by telling her I was happy for her and for her to have a nice life. She responded by saying that she doesn't believe me. I'm not really sure what her prerogative is. Once I'm in a relationship I'm happy with, the last thing I would think of doing is contacting my ex to tell her about it with juicy details.

[butterflyburn]

U really should not put yourself through this. If she will not respect your wishes, block her on everything and ignore. I did that once and it worked wonders.

[ToF]

Once I'm in a relationship I'm happy with, the last thing I would think of doing is contacting my ex to tell her about it with juicy details.

 

... Exactly.

 

She's not telling you because she's so overwhelmed with happiness that she simply had to share it with you. She's pushing every button she knows how to, hoping for some kind of reaction.

 

Why? Your guess is as good as mine at this point. It's up to you whether or not to continue this little game of hers. Odds are you will not find out the true reason she's doing this.