this is how it went

[Trigve]

I'm not asking a question, I don't think I'm even looking for help or advise, I just need to tell this and maybe somehow make sense of it even though much of the way I tell it may not make much sense at all

 

I'm not in love with her, I don't think I had ever been. At least I hope not to either one of those. there was really no reason she should be a significant part of my life, but somehow she really changed me. For some reason I sorted through so much of my thoughts and found so much about myself that I never knew nor think was possible to find before, and change more than I thought I wanted to, all because of her. I don't know how this could've possibly happened. If everything that happened with her that just happened to trigger all of this could've been coincidences, I could've won the lottery.

 

I wanted to tell her all of this but there is no socially explainable reason for me to. I'm not in love with her anymore than she is with me, and I don't want anything between us now that we're far apart due to both our paths in life. and most of all, it's just not me... which is what got us here in the first place.

 

it was me, from all the while back near the start of our friendship. We were doomed from that moment I let her go on that day. How was I supposed to know?? It was just a casual, seemingly mundane moment. I had no way of knowing everything else ended up weighing from that moment when I should've asked. I had no way of knowing. In any parallel universe, at that moment, with the same me, I would've made the mistake. I couldn't have known. It's difficult to just say it wasn't meant to be, because it was SO meant to be. it was everything about us, about me, about her, and about the way things turned, only except that I couldn't see the future at the right time.

 

but it's ok. it isn't about that now. There's not even really much I can learn from this, which is probably the worst part, and that this just seems like a deadend otherwise. I don't actually even know what I want to be hoping for right now. If it were up to me to write life, I couldn't come up with a happy ending for this from here.

 

she's changed me so much and probably doesn't have the slightest clue. I don't want to tell her because I don't want to give her the wrong idea now, but gosh I do want to tell her and I do. there's a fine line between being sincere and being misleading. I am hard to understand, and before I question if she will I don't even know if she CAN. and maybe I don't really care if she does, because even then I don't see how this could end any better than it does now.

 

 

this wasn't my fault. I couldn't have known.

[VickiRose]

You had your time together.. Maybe it was meant to be for that small amount of time... You learned a lot.. Thats a good thing... Thats what life is all about learning, and experiencing... You sound like your happy for learning what you did... So take that and move on.... Or if you so desire to tell her, then just tell her & what your true intentions are of course.(I'm not quite sure of she will react though...) But good for you and Good Luck...

[prevch]

Sounds to me liek you love this girl and are trying to talk yourself out of it. Maybe I am nuts but man if she can change you the way she did and it think about the changes (her in another form) obsessively it is pretty clear to me what you want is her. Maybe it is time to settle down with someone who will always put your happiness first. In any case, don't let the element of surprise hold you back from love. Talk to her man, see what happens. I think you may be into her subconsciously. anyways, best of luck.

[KBlade]

I agree with what prevch is saying.

 

From reading your post IMO you're in love with her but it sounds like you are very confused right now. You should sort out how you feel about the situation before you even think about talking to her about it, I don't think you know how you feel right now.

 

I don't know if it's relavent but you did put this in the 'Love' forum for one thing so to me that means that the thought of you loving her must have crossed your mind at least.

 

 

Anyway, goodluck with what ever you do

[Trigve]

actually I posted it in the general forum, but for some reason it showed up here I don't know why. wasn't too happy about that cuz it does give the wrong idea, heh

 

but I just don't see how I could be in love with her, and I really shouldn't be. I don't know her well enough nor have spent nearly enough time with her to love her.

 

 

but you're right I'll have to admit I'm kind of confused. first of all it bothers me that I could fall for a girl like this, I find it almost embarrassing. it's just she seemed so right, the way we met, coincidences about her, and the way things happened when she was around... it seemed so much like she was specifically sent to me it was freaky. Maybe I let myself fall because I subconsciously believed that.

 

of course now I don't know what to believe

 

logically, I shouldn't have this much feelings for her. I can think of many reasons why I shouldn't even like her. Things about her that I'm pretty certain will just bug the hell out of me after a while. and there are just too many other uncertainties. I don't know why I'm holding onto this it's pissing me off

[prevch]

seems like you are just a little scared. I say go for it man a lot of it sounds perfect. Go for it give it an honest chance and maybe you can find true happiness with her.

[Trigve]

it DID seem perfect when we were both in the same city. but now that we're not I just don't know if it's even worth the effort, even if we do hit it off I don't know if I want to get into this mess.

[prevch]

well ya definitely need to follow your heart. If you don't pursue do you think you will always wonder?

[Trigve]

yea that's another reason why it's hard to let go, cuz I'm afraid I'm going to regret it 10 years from now.

 

I think I'm just going to keep in touch as friends with her and eventually I'll find out. maybe when we're both married, heh