Post breakup depression

[jimbobday]

Hi All,

 

I'm suffering from serve depression after my recent breakup. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning can't focus at work and have been making many mistakes.

 

I've been trying to push myself but the days seem to drag on forever and it feels like it will never end. I feel like I'm in a dream like state and almost detached from reality. I get no enjoyment from anything I do.

 

Can anyone offer any advice here?

[jumper11]

Only time fixes it. I almost lost my job and experienced same things as you. I don't have any answer except time. And do something that will keep you busy. For me it was video games, lol.

[Mephisto13]

How long ago did you break up?

[penfield]

Welcome Jim, plenty of very good advice on here. You may want to elaborate on your situation though. It does help when things get broken down and analyzed. Hang in there, it will get better.

[Autumnleaves]

It's maybe worth making an appointment to see your Dr, they can help with setting you up with some therapy. Sometimes it does help to speak with someone about what you're feeling.

[jimbobday]

Thanks guys,

 

Breakup was only two days ago (I realize this is very new but have slipped into a deep depression already)

 

Basically what I am doing right now. My doc has started me on AD's because I was anxious and depressed pre breakup. I have been seeing a therapist for a month and have an appointment with a phyciatrist in two weeks.

 

I have moved back in with my parents while I work through this and am going out walking every night with my sister. I am forcing myself to eat even though I don't feel like it.

 

Everyone says I'm handling it better than my last breakup even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

 

Now to the relationship itself.

 

Well we had been living together for a year and been off and on for 6.5 years. I broke it off because she was going out 3 nights a week and with one of those she would stay over at a friends place, Intimacy had almost gone, sex had gone and it felt like she was really distant (Sometimes wouldn't hear from her for a day or so and we lived together). Basically I started going crazy alone in this little two bedroom place with just us and her daughter in it. She said she was going through a very rough time but I felt like she didn't confide in me and use me as support for her

 

I feel so guilty for breaking up with her and she sent me some horrible messages after the breakup. I feel like I did something horrible to her, like I left her for dead. Yet at the same time I feel so alone and I feel like everyone else is moving on with their life except me, Like I am detached from reality.

 

So thats basically where I am now. Im trying to push myself as much as possible but I have 0 motivation and 0 energy

[jimbobday]

Sorry just to add to that. I also have no transport so am relying on my brother, am broke and have just found out me and my ex are on a fixed term lease at our place till May of next year (With no way out of it).

 

Also all my friends are in relationships and don't want to catch up.

 

Sorry for all the negativeness. One thing I am glad for and couldn't survive without is my family and all of their support

[lemsip]

I was mega depressed after my BU, still have down days but nowhere near as bad. Cheesy as it sounds, time is the only thing that helps. You need to ride it out. It will take as long as it takes - but there are certain things you need to remember:

 

she was going out 3 nights a week

she would stay over at a friends place

Intimacy had almost gone

sex had gone

she was really distant

she didn't confide in me

she didn't use me as support for her

she sent me some horrible messages

 

This was a toxic relationship. She has a daughter and goes out 3 nights a week leaving you at home? This girl wants the life of a single person despite having the responsibilities of being a parent.

 

You are depressed for a reason. That's OK. You know the source of it.

 

But it's only temporary. You'll come out the other end. It'll take time, but you will.

 

This book is mentioned quite a lot on here (though not so much recently) but I seriously suggest you buy it. Please, I do think it'll help. It's your first proactive thing to do today, OK? Hopefully there's an online store you can get it from in NZ.

 

link removed

[jimbobday]

Thanks lemsip. Re-enforcing the reasons why I broke up does help a little. She only went out when the daughter was at her fathers. She was a good mother (No doubt about that one) but it was a toxic relationship.

 

Thanks I actually have that in workbook format as an ebook. I think I might get the book as well and give that a go. Need to get onto it though at the moment its almost impossible to concentrate on reading and doing any sort of work

[jimbobday]

Another major problem I have is I keep distracting myself at work to get my mind away from my ex.

 

I will browse forums and the net for hours and get no work done because work brings up all my feelings. I really wish I could remain focused at work.

 

I was fine when everything in our relationship was good

[imonlyhuman]

keep trying to live a normal life. eat, sleep, walk with your sis, work out, just keep moving. time is the only thing that'll heal you. don't let your depression take over your life while you wait for that. keep moving. keep living life. good luck, brother.

[panda28]

Go outdoors! The sunshine will make you a bit cheerful. Go walk around somewhere that has nice scenery, like a lake or park. Believe me, I used to dread doing any exercise but a nice walk with music does help.

[Blackey]

It had to end one way or another, there was absolutely nothing there.

Post break up depression is a completely normal stage in the grief/healing process, so dont get to worry about it.

Its gonna be a tough road, but it would be much worst if you would have stayed in the relationship, you did both of you guys

a favor, and you definitely did the right thing, despite of it being terribly hard!

Give yourself a timeframe of 2 months before you could feel significant different and be able to focus again to some degree,

you just gonna have to survive these 2 months.

My advice start going to the gym, working out releases endorphins, which are natural drugs/pain killers, its gonna help

you a lot divert the pain that you are experiencing and will help you to improve your self esteem.

Cheers.

[Notagoodninja]

Wow I am so sorry i know how you feel.

And she sounds like a terrible mom to go go leaving her daughter to go screw around! No matter what, my kid comes FIRST!!! Even if that meant I would be alone FOREVER I would choose my KID FIRST, always!! Because that's the responsibility you choose when you make the decision to have a child!

So she's a very bad mother...grrrr

 

For me didn't wanna get out of bed first 2 weeks

finally feeling better on week 3.............................

only have about 1 moment per day now where I overwhelmingly miss him and get sad and depressed and then I mentally list all the reasons we did not work out until My reason takes over