Another shy one

[notafraid]

It's 2:00 am and I cannot stop thinking about this guy. I am having a similar problem with another man that I am very attracted to but who seems almost eeriely shy. I have been working in this coffee shop for about one year and a lot of men come into this shop, most of whom are nice enough and they do talk to me. Some of them are nice enough so I go along with it, it's part of the job. Anyways, there is one guy who started coming in to the shop about 6 to 8 months ago. He would come in every week at the same time and I never really noticed him until one day he came in and he was in his workout wear......all I have to say is WOW! Not sure if he did it on purpose but he looked pretty hot. I know I've done it before when I wanted someone to notice me (ie. dress up really sexy and see what happens).

After that, I noticed that he's pretty hot even without the workout wear. He always comes in around the same time and one day he came in two days in a row and I didn't expect it...I got all jittery and nervous around him....I'm 40 years old what in God's name is wrong with me? So I thought I scared him away because he didn't come in for two months maybe more.....I was so disappointed because I felt like a dysfunctional fool. I feel like he's literally reading my mind and my every move, because he doesn't say a word, just places his order, watches me make his drink and leaves. This is very strange to me because everyone else is so talkative and friendly....there's banter, except with him....

Anyways, he finally came back just this past week and he looked so cute but I was SOOOOO nervous because I really thought I would never see him again. So I asked How are you and he also said "Good and you?" and then he placed his order and just stared at me for two and a half minutes. He seems very nervous as well, he fumbles a lot when he goes into his wallet to take out money. He's around the same age as me, MAYBE a couple of years younger, but still it surprises me that he would be nervous, I mean he's a good looking guy.

He seems very down to earth just like the boy next door.. and just like the kind of guy I am usually attracted to..except I can tell there is another side because I;ve seen him in his workout wear.....he is in tremendous shape. Am I wasting my time? What should I say? I deal with men all the time, but I have no idea how to handle this one.....

HELP!!!

Sophie

[DylanNotorious]

Enjoy the interactions with him, but don't initiate asking him out. If you do, you risk him never coming back into the shop again. Now you could go for it, just to know for your own sake if he's interested, which would be the sensible thing to do - but if you can just wait for him to make a move that would be even better.

 

But if you want to go for it, go for it. It will put your mind at rest. But if you enjoy the little buzz anticipating him coming into the shop more, then don't ask lol!

[offplanet]

Some people act shy and don't initiate anything because they genuinely don't want to be involved with others. It would be risky to get emotionally involved with someone like this because you are unlikely to be the one who changes their innate personaltiy. But as Dylan said above, if you want to go for it and try something, to find out one way or another, then you could do that, as long as you can take the possible rejection.

[notafraid]

Thanks for the advice.....this helps.

[Batya33]

I don't think he sounds shy - he might be nervous because he senses that you are more focused on him than would normally be the case. It also sounds like your interest developed and is mostly because of his body so perhaps he sees you checking him out and is uncomfortable with that kind of behavior given your job.

[notafraid]

Oh, I totally agree, but believe me in my type of job, it's definitely a two way street and it is very important to keep things professional although the coffee shop I work at is no STARBUCKS. It's a VERY relaxed atmosphere, most of the people who come in are artists or wannabe artists. (I'm sure Jung and Freud would have a field day in this place but I digress).

And I have frequented coffee shops where the tables are turned and I get the guys behind the counter flirting with me. If I'm that uncomfortable about it, I'll just get my coffee somewhere else, I mean I live in Toronto there's a coffee shop on every corner. It is true that I did look at him twice the day he came in with his work out wear, he wasn't wearing spandex or anything, but he looked good and you could tell he has a very good physique. When he didn't come in for two months that's what I thought, I just thought maybe he feels uncomfortable; but I do feel him checking me out when I'm not looking. I understand if you're shy and maybe hesitant about starting a convo or god-forbid a friendship with someone you meet in a coffee shop, but it has happened to me in the past and if someone is that dysfunctional and that shy about getting attention, then there are MANY other coffee shops. I do agree with offplanet about the fact that if he is so shy he can't even speak to me, will I have the patience to break down the walls? I've decided that I am definitely going to say something if he comes back again, just get it out in the open, hopefully it will release a little bit of tension and creepiness. And I'm going to stop analyzing it so much. Who knows maybe there's a wild and crazy personality hiding under the strong, silent exterior .

 

Thanks again ,

Sophie

[Batya33]

Why are you assuming this is from shyness as opposed to lack of interest? For all you know he has a serious girlfriend or wife.

[notafraid]

Actually the last thing I'm trying to do is "assume" anything, I'm just going with what I feel....thanks for your input.