I'm not sure if I did something totally stupid or not..ugggh

[astraltraveler]

I got home a little while ago and in the mail today I received the letter that I sent to my ex about 2 weeks ago, I sent it a few days after I told him on the phone that I couldn't do the friends thing right now, that I needed to heal. Basically the letter said a bunch of redundant emotional stuff as I'm reading it right now. Anyway I called him at work and was very aloof and all I asked was if I had the address right. I said I did and then he went on to say that he'd call me when he got home to make sure. I was like "no it's fine, I'll figure it out"- but nicely. Then I called back because I was looking on Mapquest and it even said that the address was right. He asked me how I was doing and I said great, he said "me too" and I was like "good"...all the while being very aloof yet polite. I'm stressing out because I broke the NC because of something stupid as a letter. But now he knows that I tried to mail him a letter and he'll never know what it says because I just threw it away. It's a waste of my time and I'm not stepping backwards anymore. I'm kinda confused right now...Please someone help me out...give me your thoughts.

[Scout]

Well, I think he may end up contacting you soon. You've probably actually planted a seed of curiosity in his mind now. Don't do anything else, just see if this situation unfolds in an unexpected way. Having read the letter again and throwing it away, it sounds like you are glad he never received it. Now in retrospect - would you have felt more stupid if he read that letter, than you do about the phone call?

[astraltraveler]

thanks for the response scout. the past few days since i talked to him have been sorta rough. i miss him like crazy, but i refuse to be vulnerable. i figure if he ever figures out that he loves me like that, he'll come back, or call, or something. he probably thinks i'm angry about all this, and i'm not, i'm just hurt.

[DragonGirl724]

in my opinion, b/c i did wat u did handwritten letter etc..., do what will makes your heart be at peace!!! forget what he thinks/what he feels/ how hes gonna react etc...live life for you! make yourself feel at ease, thats the only way to happiness. take the letter out of the trash, send it if that will express how u feel. take it from me, (a girl who never told an exbf how much she cared about him until AFTER he passed away...not to mention if I did tell him how i felt he might not have been in the car that killed him that night... ), given its an extreme case & way too many details for this post, but it really happens everyday to people, im proof of that. learn from me. never ever hold back your feelings...EVER! its the worst kind of regret. dont learn it the hard way.

 

 

 

good luck in this thing called love...

 

-DG724