'thou shall not commit adultry'

[darksam1607306452]

ok everyone what do you think of the following poem how can i improve it need suggestions please, and no its got nothing to do with my life i just though i'd write it.

 

Now a lonely broken heart

Filled with overflowing pain and sorrow

Caused by the person he once cherished

 

No love shall ever befall him

Till the day he gets his revenge

Darkness and resentment surrounds him like a layer of warmth

His intense feelings reflect any new love approaching him

 

The rage builds up within him ready to erupt like the mighty volcano

He watches her as she embraces her newfound lover, both guilty

A drop of tear rolls down his eyes, down his cheeks and onto the earth

Revenge he shall never taste for he still loves her........

[Gilgamesh]

poetry is art in the form of words.

 

Like a painting it conveys a feeling by the artist.

 

This art is yours, the feelings are yours, sometimes shared by others yes, but the feelings are yours.

 

If i was to take this as a messege, why "revenge" the best revenge is one in which you move on and be happy, and forget about her. what goes around comes around, she will get hers later. dont lower your self to her evil. You are better than her, have strength, and heal, move on, and love a woman that will appreciate you and what you are.

[darksam1607306452]

lol u got me there so do u tink the poem any good though

[jarhead]

I think it's pretty good you got a gift for poetry