How do i get my partner back ?

[mythos111]

Hi,

 

Please help me! I am a man aged 42, i have been with my partner for 6 years and we have a little girl aged 3 between us.

This past year we have been having some real problems in our relationship, mostly do to me being possesive, jealous and controlling. The thing is i couldn't see this, my partner kept pointing it out in the hope that i could change this potentially damaging behavior of mine, but as i said i couldn't see what i was doing wrong....Anyway, in the past 2 months my partner just seemed to go off the rails so to speak, she was going out, and in some cases stopping out all night at a mans house (who she insists is a friend,) but i didn't like this and my jealously became worse, the worse i got the worse she got.

 

until, eventually something had to give, unfortunately it was my partner, she ended up in hospital with clinical depression....she was in for a month and has now come out.

 

Whilst she was in the hospital i had talked about how during our relationship i seemed to be in a darkened room, but now it's as though someone has swithched the lights on to enable me to see where i was going wrong (all the things she had pointed out in fact) and i am seeing a councillor to help me get over them.

 

She came out of hospital, but did not come home, she went to stay at her man friends house to try and sort her head out as to what she wants, we have briefly talked since she has been there, and she says she really misses me, and really loves me, but is scared to come home in case we start off from where we ended up(i understand this)....i love her deeply, and desperately want her to come back home...i am at a loss of what to do to convince her to come home and try again, and to see that things will be different.

 

The thing is, everything i try to do to patch things up she talks over with her man friend who then convinces her not to come home as i won't change (he doesn't even know me)

 

She has no where else to stay at the moment apart from with him.....

 

Please help me, how do i get her back, i feel like i'm dying!

 

Nick

[kaylz]

hi there,

i think you need to meet this "friend" in person and tell him he has no right to judge you as you have never met before and tell him how dare he try and convince her not to go home he is interfering with a relationship and its not on you need to show your girl you love her and that it will be different tell ask her if she'd prefer to take it slow see each other occasionaly like dates then you and both decide how far you want to go convince her that you've changed and that it won't happen again tell her if she loves you she'll give it another chance and also tell her it's also for the babys sake you should get back together aswell and the baby needs to know who her father is or her mother is and not to grow up without a father or a mother whoever the baby lives with if you dont get back together.

[Wise Gurl]

I don't think the feedback you have provided would be beneficial to anyone involved. This so-called "friend" has been there for her when her 42-y/o b-friend's insecure, obsessive ways caused her to land in the hospital. Unless this dude gets some serious counselling, at 42, his controlling ways are pretty much embedded in em and I don't feel sorry for him one bit. Men who control their partners are insecure and selfish. I don't blame his ex for seeking someone who takes her feelings into account.

[papalazarou]

But wise gurl you have to ask whether this 'friend' has an alterior motive? Im sorry but having this man as a friend is one thing. Staying round his house is another thing entirely. Does she not have any other family or friends?

 

Im not suggesting anything but I say this because I too have had an incident happen recently where my g/f assured me that this man was a "friend". I knew he wanted more, told her and so it was proved, we nearly split up as a result but I knew that I trusted her so when he made his move (and he did) she told him where to go. But it was difficult because she said I didnt trust her. I did, I just waited for that 'friend' to hang himself. And so it proved.

 

Im sure the same is with mythos...but I think its best that his partner surrounds herself with people who have both their interests at heart.

 

My ex came round after she distanced herself from this so called 'friend' who was dripping in poison about us & hooked up with her other true friends who only had her best interests at heart and not a hidden agenda.

 

In the meantime mythos you need to prove in actions and not in words that you have changed. This will mean limited contact and being cool about her being there at this other mans house (even tho it must hurt like hell) but you have to do it to prove that you have seen the error of your ways.

 

Nothing is more important than your child however.

[NJRon]

If there was nothing going on then I don't see why she wouldn't have invited her boyfriend to meet this guy well before. I for one would be relaly put out if my girlfriend was constantly hanging out with some other man alone... and not as a couple.

 

There's more to it than the single side presented.

 

Trying to convince her or him will only make it seem as if you are more insecure. It's not your fault that she went to the hospital for clinical depression.

 

I just don't understand the reasoning she is using right now for staying with this guy. It doesn't click right for me.

 

Dop pursue therapy for yourself. You need someone to talk to who will listen and give you feedback.

[rnorth]

Do the exact opposite of what you were doing prior to her going to the hospital. No matter where your imagination goes, don't ever bring up that she is staying at some guy's house. Back off and give her space. Be okay with everything. Let her initiate contact.

 

And this is only a start. Get a hold of your jealous possessive tendencies. Those are relationship killers.

[papalazarou]

Do the exact opposite of what you were doing prior to her going to the hospital. No matter where your imagination goes, don't ever bring up that she is staying at some guy's house. Back off and give her space. Be okay with everything. Let her initiate contact.

 

And this is only a start. Get a hold of your jealous possessive tendencies. Those are relationship killers.

 

 

 

Sound advice here....