i am thinking to overdose on my meds today

[drmcsugar]

Coming from a person who actually did this twice in the past and was hospitalized for days, I say, just go to bed. I'm not going to say, don't do this, because you'll be enraged and think that no one understands how you feel. But I do, and I can tell you, until this day, my throat and stomach still hurt like HELL, because of the intubation. If you commit suicide, and you actually die from that, no big deal. But if you commit suicide and don't die, you'll be living a long and physically limited life because of your decision to end your life today, like I am now. To be honest, the pain of me living this mundane life was nothing compared to having my throat ripped of which I still have to carry. So I will tell you, just go lay on your bed, try to sleep, and tomorrow you will feel better. I don't guarantee that you won't want to die tomorrow, I did still want to die the next day, but it's also a new day, and it'll bring promises; you never know what will happen. If sadness pervades you again, just go to sleep. And we'll try again tomorrow, and again, again.

[volvic]

I have made attempts before and been hospitalized as well. I don't want a repeat. Flashbacks Make it hard to not reread old chapters in life, what happens is one will try to move on and avoid memories and feelings and then they start spontaneously playing in one's head like a movie and it feels like you are being forced to watch and relive all your worst feelings and memories over and over. It is a symptom of PTSD. It feels horrible and you can't run from it because it is inside of you. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I really don't want to think of all these old memories and feelings because they get in the way of my life, but they come. Treatment includes going through and addressing the issues that the brain is bringing up. Looking at them and allowing oneself to feel helps. From what I have experienced and from what I understand, people who are suicidal don't "just want to die", but are in pain, and it hurts to the point where it is beyond what they can cope with, and they want stop feeling pain. Addressing the pain is what helps with suicidal feelings. Dismissing feelings is not helpful. I'm doing better, the feelings are more intense lately but not nearly as intense as when I was on my medications. I'm trying my own ways to cope, But in general telling people that they should just stop going over old things and ignore feelings that are still unaddressed is not the most helpful technique, I think it comes from a good place, but believe it just increases the feelings of hopelessness and shame that fuel the suicidal urges to begin with. I have taken a course on brain behavior and there is something that is actually happening in the brain with depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. people are not just able to quickly snap out of it, the brain is structured differently and is malfunctioning. They are also really mean to the rats they test. With tests for depression they put the rats in small plastic cylinders filled with water so they are forced to swim without being able to get out. The depressed rats give up in a shorter time than wild type and just kind of float. Ruminating on old thoughts isn't good, but depression is hardly that simple, encouraging words do more than condemning ones in my experience.

[volvic]

I agree with the comment about sleeping, sleeping helps, it shuts down things for a while and gives a break from feelings, I'm sorry you had horrible experiences, I hope you are feeling better.

[volvic]

Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it, and accept it...

 

I really agree. That is difficult