tegoz_marianos Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I've been seeing my bf since february and those of you that have read my previous posts will know of my experience with my ex who had led me on for months before being found out... So I was single for 8 months before meeting my now bf. I must say right now he's the best thing to ever happen to me. He's open, honest, generous, amazing in general. But my problem is I constantly feel anxious from reading into everything. He has a full time day job and is a photographer in his spare time (some evenings and weekends). I help him out with a lot of this as he uses me as a lighting tech! I love it as I get to spend time with him and he's an absolutely amazing photographer. When we met I was in the middle of moving house and my grandad was very ill in hospital. I had a permanent nervous tummy because of this, like proper anxiety symptoms. But he's been amazing and always there to talk to. My main issues to address are these: My ex told me we spent too much time together. Hence I am constantly worried that, even though my bf invites me over EVERY NIGHT without being asked, I fear he doesn't really want me there. Stupid I know. My bf is friends with many girls, exes included. This was known at the very beginning, I was completely fine with it. I go running/skating/to the cinema and pub with two of his exes. They're lovely people. Still I get ridiculous irrational jealousy sometimes. Like the fact his longterm ex still has a key to the flat and I don't. Also the incident with his friend all over him at the party (see previous posts) I feel silly bringing these up as a)I trust him and them implicitly never to do anything beyond what I know they do (meet for coffee and beers occasionally!) B)he always reads out every email/text etc they send him and hides nothing C) when I brought up the girl at the party thing he said he needed time to sort his head out and it scared the living daylights out of me that he maybe wanted to split up over it. This happened the day before my grandads funeral but he came along, carried the coffin and we went on holiday the week later and all has been fine since. I think he maybe just felt embarassed or something? But little things like the key and the fact he still has a valentines mug and pictures of his ex still give me twists in my gut despite feeling stupid for even thinking about them in any way! I hate myself for allowing irrational thoughts to creep in. I really don't believe he'd ever deliberately hurt me, he's super sweet and I love him. I just wish I could stop over thinking everything. He never says I love you first but always says it back when I say it and everything he does proves he means it. He invites me over every night yet I assume he doesn't want me there, despite the fact he blatantly does. I need to stop second guessing and just accept that he's a good person. Can someone help because I'm driving myself insane!! I read about ROCD and this sounds very much like I'm feeling-paranoid if he doesn't reply to texts/emails in a set time, assuming him not answering a question about the future in an email means he doesn't see us having one, worrying about everything. I need it sorted before I ruin it with the best thing to ever happen to me Link to comment
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