Interacial Relationship Trouble

[BOASHOAK]

My Girlfriend and I broke up recently due to the fact that her parents are racist and would never accept our relationship. I was truly heartbroken. We had been together for 5 months, and her parents never knew about me. I wrote this letter explaining the situation to her mother, I need feedback as to what you think about the letter, and what you think I should do, if I should send it or not. Her mother knows I exist, but doens't know things ever got this far. Here's the letter...

 

 

"For a few months now, your daughter and I have sustained a friendship. A friendship that has arrived at a dead-end due to circumstances beyond my control and understanding. When I first met your daughter, I saw in her something I had never seen before. I began to see qualities in her that a man would seek for in a wife. Compassion, goodness, talent, and even certain mother-like qualities. I began to feel enamored. As time went on, I pursued more than a friendship with her. I wanted to get to know her better. I wanted to spend time with her and reveal myself to her. I tried to win her heart, but my attempts were futile. I could see it in her eyes that she also felt something, but yet, my interest remained unrequited.

 

I later learned what her motives were. I was devastated. Not because of rejection but because of the reason why we could never be more than friends. Out of all the girls I could've been enthralled by, why her? I began to question God's motives, however I know that God does work in mysterious ways and there is a purpose for everything. I know that certain things are intended to be and all others are there just to enhance the significance of the things that did occur. There is no such thing as chance, and everything that happens is ultimately God's will. I was disturbed by the concept that something as insignificant as skin color could prevent something as essential as love from forming.

 

Despite the complications she presented me with, something within me prevented me from giving up. I didn't seem to look at our differences as being a complication. To understand my reasoning, you must first learn a few things about me. I am the product of an inter-cultural marriage. My father is a native of Haiti, while my mother is a Colombian native. I was born and raised in Colombia in an environment where cultural diversity is celebrated. It is the interactions of many cultures that has allowed for the rapid technological growth in the past centuries. Necessity is indeed the mother of invention; different cultures have different needs and have all contributed to the growth of the world.

 

I have lived in the US for a little over six years now, and I have yet to fully understand the reasoning behind racial "pride". God created diversity. He has given us flowers of many different colors and scents. He has blessed us with animals of different shapes and sizes. And He has blessed us with different skin colors and cultures. We are all God's children through Jesus Christ, and although our skin color may be different, we were all washed with the same red blood of the lamb. God may be difficult to comprehend sometimes. I used to think that my skin was dark for one reason only; to keep me from getting burned by the sun. I used to think my eyelashes were long for just one reason; to reduce the sun's glare. Now I see that I was wrong. There has to be more to my physical appearance than is physically obvious.

 

I love this country, I truly do. I love all the opportunities and freedom God has presented me through life in the United States. However, I refuse to live with the notion that the free-will God has invested upon us isn't really ours to deliver, but it's ultimately up to society as a whole. I refuse to accept that I am less of a person, less capable, and stupid because my skin color is dark. Most of all, I refuse to let go of my emotions because my color isn't the "right one". This is not homosexuality. This is not adultery. This is not a sin… I prayed to God for a sign if he wanted me to give up what I felt.

 

Sadly, this sign has arrived. While at college, she met someone. Someone whom she knows would be able to give her that normal relationship she desires. She knows she could introduce this person to her parents and they will accept him. So I am left here, heartbroken about something that could've been but wasn't due to circumstances that are beyond my control and understanding. I am left here disillusioned by the inequities of life. I once was taught that one should fight for what's meaningful. Even though the desire to fight was within me, life has yet again changed course on me.

 

The purpose of this letter now is no longer what it was when I began writing it. At first I hoped this letter would give me a chance at happiness, but now the purpose of this letter is to convey a story. A story which would've been left unsaid, but the pain that I feel over what has happened doesn't allow me to be silent. Your daughter in no way put me up to this; in fact she doesn't know that I've sent this to you. I ask of you that you don't chastise her over what I've written here. Speak to me first if there are any points you wish to clarify. She was aware of how much this would disappoint her parents, and that's the reason why she never gave me a chance. I fear that in the future she will continue to make choices in regards to people, based on misconceptions and stereotypes.

 

The purpose of this letter is not the same I intended when I first began writing. Now, the only purpose I seek with this letter is to re-establish hope. I hope and pray that one day God's greatest gift – love will be powerful enough to exist beyond the boundaries that are already present such as languages, and distance; as well as the boundaries that we as humans place before it. I know it's awkward for you to have received this letter from a stranger, but I feel like it was my purpose to tell you this story; not for my sake, but for the sake of providence."

[Gauchori]

Hello there man. As I see you are some sort of Chiristin aren't you? I'll like to ask if they are so. I believe that this letter is VERY powerful and something really good to send to their parents but if they are in some other religion, thay will NOT accept this. If you are a Christian, and they are Catholic umm... I'm not really shore But they may use this as a wall. It may happened as it may not. I'm just warning.

Second if you trully love her in your bared ayes how about putting it in an spiritual way? Like my pastor said once to a friend of mine. Give the girl and your self 30 days, 1 months. In that time pray until you see the results. Its incredible how things changes over-time. If I were you, I would do this 30 day first. If things seem to calm down, than send it if not; than... its better to try some other way. I'll also say that if you are trully a Chiristian and she is not; you should know better. Things aren't so easy for you pall, and you should be married with someone clean, and loving to God. (Clean as in sins.) Also good point you made pall. I could also say that when God created earth in the sixth day he created the man. Later when God knew the man was lownly he created the woman. Note that he created MAN and WOMAN. NO place in the bible said that it was aginst God's rules to be married with people of different skin color. It only sais that it was ot God's will to not get marriend with the enemy. Enyone that is not with God, is aginst God so everyone else would be the enemy. In addition, like you said. You are not doing any "sins" You are not getting married with a man or anything like that. You are traying to set up things streight from the beggining. All you wanted s get to know her better nathing else. Thats great pall. Great start that will open their mind some good deal. Umm... adding some ditails I told you would be nice in the points I told you but how it is its just fine.

Like I said before, My advice would be: take that time and see what happeneds. Good luck pall.

[BOASHOAK]

I appreciate your feeback Gauchori. I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I should send this out. Usually when I write something like this, I don't hide it, I wrote this for a reason and I believe I should send it to them. I have nothing to loose by sending this to them, I have already lost her as this letter explains. I didn't expect this letter to change their views in any way when I began writting it. They are very close-minded people so i'm not sure if I should even bother now that I have lost what I once had. My only purpose with this letter would be to plant a seed that may some day grow.

[peanut15]

First of all to Gauchori...Catholics are Christians! If you believe in Jesus Christ you are a Christian. The Roman Catholics and the Orthodox Church broke apart from each other. Then the Protestants broke off from the Catholic Church during the reformation...throughout all of this...we still are all Christians.

 

Anyway, to BOASHOAK, as strong as your letter is, I do not believe it will have an affect on the girls family. First of all, she did meet someone else away at school and it was her final decision to break it off with you. Despite what you may think was a role of her parents, it still doesn't matter. There is no way of changing her parents mind of interracial relationships so the letter is pointless. If they want to remain they way they are, then so be it. As for your ex, she made the final decision and I'm sorry to say this but you will have to live with it. I know it hurts but you know what, if she let skin color get in the way of a relationship, then that is her problem. As much as you cared for her, you need someone who sees beyond color of skin and rather the person inside.

 

I am in a multiracial marriage and I have two multiracial kids. I am asian and my husband is caucasian. When I do run into people that make fun of us and especially my kids, I just think that they are jealous because we look a lot better than they do. Yes it does hurt but what can I really do? I can't tell them off because it won't have any affect on them. All I can do is teach their own children that diversity is good and that skin color doesn't matter when it comes to finding love.