Casual sex

[roba]

Hi there,

I'm interested to get different peoples opinion on casual sex.

On the one hand I dont feel that great about the idea of having casual sex, yet on the other I cant see whats wrong with it. I think if two people meet and want to have casual sex and they know its just for that then whats wrong with it? use protection a bit of good clean fun?

[PAdreamer]

It really depends on how you view sex as a whole. I, for one, think it's a very personal, romantic, and special act, and I would never go into it casually. But some people feel that sex is just sex, it's human nature, and there's nothing wrong with having a good time. Depends on how you see it.

[nomore]

Casual sex is too loose and reminds me of fruck buddies. It's 21st century and frankly marriage was so 20th century. It just wouldn't work out in this society and culture (I take statistics as my proof). Marriage has just become another high school fling with two parties signature on a paper (make sure you have pre-nup marriage agreement). I think if you find someone suitable to have a strict bf-gf relationship, my hats off to you. But I don't have to go far to show you the relationship just wouldn't last long.

 

Now, what I prefer is a casual relationship where two parties do not have any string attached. They work on it as they continue the relationship but not necessarily bounded to each other. That way if one or both feel they want to go their separate ways, fine, the break-up, which I don't think is a right word, would be much more pleasant. Again, I am not talking about a one night stands.

[alissa]

I agree with PAdreamer.

[roba]

if either of u ladies started seeing a guy and found out that he had had casual sex would that influence ur decision to take the relationship further?

do you think some ladies would be influenced by this?

and do you think the number of 'casual encounters' would matter?

[AwsomeDude]

it is kool if clean and amateur !

[PAdreamer]

I think that knowing he's okay with casual sex would be a problem for me. I want to get married someday (and no, I'm not the type to go for a pre-nup because I believe in true love... but that's another issue) which means I want commitment. I would constantly be worried that he didn't feel for me the way that I felt for him, and that at any moment he might up and leave me. I wouldn't be comfortable in a relationship like that.

[roba]

hey PAdreamer thanks for your reply, interesting.

[PAdreamer]

anytime! thanks for the post! Made me think about a topic I'd never thought about before!

[upstatemedic]

Like it or not, sex is a big thing, and has been throughout recorded history. When it's casual, it's just devaluing that big thing, turning it into something that's done for fun.

 

If you're into doing weighty things for fun, great. But keep in mind that you might not always feel the same way about sex and relationships that you do now. You've got to "think fourth dimensionally" on this one, as Christopher Lloyd used to say.

 

In 10 or 20 years, IF you ever settle down with someone, do you really want to have *that* past to work through? And trust me, unless you find someone who has been as promiscuous as you're talking about being, there *will* be something to "get past".

[roba]

thanks for your reply upstatemedic. are u saying no sex before marriage or just select partners carefully

[ComputerGuy]

It really depends on how you view sex as a whole. I, for one, think it's a very personal, romantic, and special act, and I would never go into it casually. But some people feel that sex is just sex, it's human nature, and there's nothing wrong with having a good time. Depends on how you see it.

 

I agree with PA onthis. For me sex is a big thing, its not the physical side of it that is so great it's the emotional side of it. For me it's not something I could just do for fun, it just wouldn't feel right.

 

I'd have a bit to work through if I discovered my g/f had a somewhat promiscuous past, as It would make it feel as if the entire thing wasn't really important to them and I dont want to be in a relationship where something I view as so important is taken so lightly.

 

That said, I have nothing against casual sex, it's just not for me. For many people it works just fine, but for me...it wouldn't work at all.

[roba]

"t would make it feel as if the entire thing wasn't really important to them and I dont want to be in a relationship where something I view as so important is taken so lightly." computerguy

 

good point

 

sounds like u dont have a problem with ppl sleeping together if they're in love though?

[Shinobie]

I agree with pa,computer,and all of them i think sex is a big thing too i think casual sex is stupid.I think its just degrading the one true thing it is used for and that is for true love.I would not have sex until im truly in love with someone but prolly only after marriage.i think casual sex is something stupid.If ur able to have casual sex why not refrain from that and have it with someone u truly love then wasting it in front of people who r not attractive enough to the opposite gender.

[upstatemedic]

Well, it sounds like you really want to do this, but you're right to have some reservations...

 

Yes, I'm saying that sex before marraige tends to be a bad thing. You've got a funtamental incompatibility - you're doing a "big thing" that implies lifetime commitment, but you haven't secured that lifetime commitment yet! When that happens, regret usually results.

 

Consider what will happen if you have sex with your current partner or partners. You have a pretty good time now, and physically it's a lot of fun. Then lets say in 5 or 10 years, you meet someone who you really truly fall in love with. How are you going to explain your sleeping around to that person? How will their view of you change?

 

Or, consider it reversed. If you met the "love of your life" tomorrow, and it turns out she'd slept with 10 or 12 people before you, would you really feel like what you two do in bed is special - a "big thing" - with that knowledge?

 

Good luck,

upstatemedic

[tahlia]

I don't have a problem with causal sex as long long as both partners know thats all it is. When emotions get wound up in causual relationships it can get real messy, trust me, and its difficult not to. If your that intimate with someone its likely that one or maybe both will develop feelings for the other, even if it is only sexual. E.g. Maybe they don't have love feelings for that person but lust, and only that person can satisfy them.

 

Either way i've been in a similar situation and got burnt in a bad way, it was a little complex. I wouldn't really have a problem if my boyfriend had a past history with a couple of casual relationships and long as i knew he was over that and ready for a real relationship and that he was safe and had no sti's or whatever. I, like PA, see sex as something more than just physical, there is definitely emotion there. But as i said if both parties are ok with it and on the same level, although i wouldn't go there (again), i think its fine.

[roba]

thanks for the replies

[ComputerGuy]

"t would make it feel as if the entire thing wasn't really important to them and I dont want to be in a relationship where something I view as so important is taken so lightly." computerguy

 

good point

 

 

sounds like u dont have a problem with ppl sleeping together if they're in love though?

 

That is correct....if two people are in love, than sex is a perfectly natural part of that, as for me it something you do with someone you are in love with. You don't need to be married to prove you are in love with someone as far as I'm concerned.

 

Or, consider it reversed. If you met the "love of your life" tomorrow, and it turns out she'd slept with 10 or 12 people before you, would you really feel like what you two do in bed is special - a "big thing" - with that knowledge?

 

I understand what you mean and that is one of the things that infuences my personal view. I grew up in a very open family where sex wasn't a taboo subject and everyone was OK with the casual sex or whatever form it came in. I believe it was this open view on sex that is the reason I have such high opinions about it.

[Michael2]

So many of these posts are extremely judegemental and immature.

 

Some said would you really marry someone because of their PAST.

 

If you are concerned with someone's past and in turn deciding whether or not to love them and develop a relationship, then YOU are the one who has issues.

 

Live in the moment and keep the past where it is. For one, it is non of your business. Two, the person you may be falling in love with , is that person because of the way his or her past shaped her.

 

Some people really need to grow up.

[klutzytarheel19]

I can't even pretend to sit here and tell you whether having casual sex is wrong or right. There are obviously religious and personal issues that each person must consider.

What I can share with you is my experience. I'm 21 now and a senior at college. About a year and a half ago I was raped and afterwards I figured...why not have random sex now...it's not like I'm a virgin anymore. So I started having sex with guys that I hardly knew. Putting myself into situations that were extremely dangerous. And each time I tried to fill the void in my life with sex I became more and more hollow.

I hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror. One moment I told the face staring back at me that I was a tramp and the next that I was just a girl with sexual needs like everyone else.

What is right for you? I don't know. But I do know that casual sex was not right for me. No matter how often I told myself it was "just sex", my inner self didn't believe this. I placed ideals of my beauty and desirability on sex. I felt ashamed, afraid that I would never stop, and sad that all these men could use me for sex but not want to hold on to me afterwards. They recognized my worth by my breasts, my butt, my sexual ability and what I wanted more than anything was for them to recognize my personality, sweetness, and compassion.

I'm not sure that having an orgasm is worth putting your soul in the risk that I placed mine in. But ultimately, the decision is yours. I just pray that you are strong enough to live peacefully with the decision you make and have no regrets.

[SlipperySammy]

What about casual sex in an established relationship? Less romance just good clean fun?

 

My girl friend and I are have soem issues, that go further then just this, but she seems to feel sex ALWAYS has to be romatic and passionate, which is understandable but I would mind have sex casually just for fun once in a while.

[Angelus]

Dude you and I are in the same boat. Yeah sex is great when it's romantic but sometimes I would prefer to just have an enjoyable quickie sometimes ya know. And yes it depends on ur sexual preferences. If you want to have sex for fun it's ur choice if you want it for love all the power to you.

[Michael36]

Hi there,

I'm interested to get different peoples opinion on casual sex.

On the one hand I dont feel that great about the idea of having casual sex, yet on the other I cant see whats wrong with it.

There's nothing necessarily "wrong" with chewing up food and spitting it back out again, either. But does that in itself mean there's nothing unwise about it?

 

Same principle here.

[belly_button22]

if either of u ladies started seeing a guy and found out that he had had casual sex would that influence ur decision to take the relationship further?

do you think some ladies would be influenced by this?

and do you think the number of 'casual encounters' would matter?

 

if i started seeing a guy and found out that he had had casual sex it wouldnt influence the relationship further. That would mean that he really likes to have sex and i would think that i would have to know someone better before i would have sex with them....obviously the guy wouldnt tho cause hes done it alot....i would also kinda think he was a horn dog...or he might have sti's or something just a bad idea

hope this helps