Lusting over ex lately.. So random and weird?

[Oasiswater]

Hey guys, So I'm back again.

Long story short, I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago and we did N/C since then. IT was a really nasty break up, she cheated, lied, etc. I've been doing fine in terms of progress and moving on with my life until last night.

 

She broke NC once before, last month, saying "We can't be together but I'll always love you." I never replied. Yesterday she sent me a text saying, "Happy birthday [pet name]. I hope you have a wonderful day." To be honest, it really rustled my feathers. I found out through the grapevine that she quickly jumped into a relationship, slept with some guy for a few days, then found out that he was cheating on his wife with her. I haven't heard from her and things have been great on my end, but it seems like when I read that, it gave me awful, awful anxiety. I couldn't help but feel like she's got her crosshairs on me and she won't let me go. Like the fact that she called me by my pet name means that it's not completely over in her mind. Keep in mind this is NOT wishful thinking. I have her blocked on almost every single site on the internet, but occasionally I'll get an email saying that she's following me here, signed up for a forum I post on, or has visited my profile, etc.

 

It reminds me of all the times she said, "I'm going to find you later in life and break up your marriage." "I know we're going to be together again. I don't like to think about it, but i know we will." It makes me really uncomfortable.

 

Here's the weird part though. Since then, I realized that I'm having really strong sexual feelings towards her. I'm reminiscing about our sex-life and all of its intimate details. The awful part is that I'm thinking of these things while becoming intimate with another woman.

 

I was wondering if anyone would have any insight as to a)why this is happening, or b) if I can do anything about it? Any other advice would be much appreciated. Thanks all!

[LDRohnos]

This girl is a relationship bulldozer. She has no interest in you other than to appease her own boredom. Her texting you with your "pet name" is only to keep you on the leash in case she gets bored again of whatever relationship she's currently in. You're her backup plan! Just my opinion.

 

Also, do you think that perhaps the only reason you're even contemplating replying to her is because you're lonely or sexually frustrated? Have you dated anyone else since? My guess is probably not and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Based on what you're saying you're still very vulnerable. Give it time and keep the thought about how incredibly bad she was to you (and will be again) firmly in your mind.

 

Send her one text saying "Please do not contact me again on any level." Then do not speak with her again, ever. Accept the fact that the terrible relationship you had with her is over and rejoice in the fact you can find someone better.

[Stand Strong]

Could be the fact that she keeps breaking NC that keeps putting her back in your mind. All that together talk could be getting stuck somewhere in the back of your mind also (makes you think of her) Like she's touching apart of you you aren't aware of. I'd think having sexual thoughts about your ex is natural since it's the last you had sex with before the next. Anyone is welcome to give their opinion on that because I'm not 100% on that.

 

called me by my pet name

 

Glad you didn't fall for it. Some girls can do that one little thing she knows the guy likes to get him back. Be it a pet name, a tight hug, or a touch on the leg. I'd say total NC is the way to go. If that's hard to do because of the sites, if you really want it to go away maybe you'll have to take a break from those sites.

[Mesemene]

Here's the weird part though. Since then, I realized that I'm having really strong sexual feelings towards her. I'm reminiscing about our sex-life and all of its intimate details. The awful part is that I'm thinking of these things while becoming intimate with another woman.

 

It could be because of the WAY she's contacting you that's bringing up those sexual feelings, in combination with what you're hearing. Are you feeling about her, even deep down, affectionately, or are these sexual fantasies (so to speak) coming up like an unwelcome kid popping in just to say "ha ha, I'm watching you!" to spoil the moment?

[Oasiswater]

I don't think contacting her to say "stop talking to me,' would be a good idea. I really don't want to give her the idea that I'm even slightly upset about her. I feel like she'll get a rise out of the fact that I am. It'll make her feel like she still has one up on me; seeing me upset still. We broke up last year for a period of 1.5 months, and she got upset because my room, wardrobe, and car changed. She admitted, "i expected everything to be the exact same and it's not. Nothing is the same and its so scary." It's almost like she's put us on pause, temporarily, so that she can live her life. This is what scares me, to believe that she has some notion of a future between us.

 

It could be because of the WAY she's contacting you that's bringing up those sexual feelings, in combination with what you're hearing. Are you feeling about her, even deep down, affectionately, or are these sexual fantasies (so to speak) coming up like an unwelcome kid popping in just to say "ha ha, I'm watching you!" to spoil the moment?

 

To be honest, I've always been incredibly attracted to my ex. I recognize all of her flaws and imperfections, but I've always been so sexually attracted to her. So in honesty, yeah, I guess deep down I do have repressed desires towards her.

[LDRohnos]

Here's the thing...you still care if she gets a rise out of you. The point of telling her to "stop talking to me" is so she stops talking to you! Goodbye forever! Have a nice life! You're still hanging onto what she thinks/feels/wants. You need to let her go COMPLETELY.

[Oasiswater]

The last time we spoke, I told her to never contact me again.

I told her that there'd be no more back and forth. She wouldn't be able to come running to me when her new man leaves her (so said so done), and I won't respond to any contact. I explicitly told her, "please never contact me again. stay out of my life. Pretend that I'm dead."

 

Saying it again will only give her the pleasure of knowing that I still care. I rather care and have her be oblivious as to why i'm not responding to her games anymore.

[RitaTrue]

The last time we spoke, I told her to never contact me again.

I told her that there'd be no more back and forth. She wouldn't be able to come running to me when her new man leaves her (so said so done), and I won't respond to any contact. I explicitly told her, "please never contact me again. stay out of my life. Pretend that I'm dead."

 

Saying it again will only give her the pleasure of knowing that I still care. I rather care and have her be oblivious as to why i'm not responding to her games anymore.

 

That makes sense when you put it like that. And since she already knows, it's not you. It's her.

 

Is it possible for you to block her on your phone?

[jaysmaury]

I just went through a breakup - similar situation to yours - and am experiencing the same thing. Our breakup was really nasty and there is no more contact between us, but lately I have found myself thinking of some of our sexual activities of the past. This has happened to me once before after breaking up with the first girl that I became sexually active with. I think that makes sense because all of my sexual memories were of her.

 

With my most recent ex, I think it is simply because we tried some kinky stuff that I had not done with others before and no matter how much I hate her now, I can't forget about those great sexual times we had together...

 

Maybe this is similar to your situation or maybe it is because she continues to contact you, forcing you to keep her on your mind.

[AvonRepus]

I am experiencing the same thing and I have to say it's hard.

At the end of our marriage our sex life was nowhere near good but I find myself thinking about our intimate moments more often than I need to. There are certain things that I am missing but that also makes me feel shallow and insecure. At some point I am thinking that his penis is the only thing that won't let me heal (haha sounds funny),I thought of it as the perfect d**k ,even though I am sure that the next person I fall in love with will have the perfect genitalia as well. The kinkiness,the feeling I got ( I was never that open with any of my lovers before)-all that forces me to keep him on my mind.

 

Unfortunately I can't even think of "doing" somebody else and God knows I need it,I feel like I am damaged goods in that area...

[Hastyhand]

Hehe. I totally understand.

The last time I had regular sex with her was 3 months ago..and in that time we had a break-up sex 20 days ago.

 

She really fulfilled my every erotic desire..she was into..kinky stuff..like spanking, anal, handcuffs etc.

Giving the best BJs I`ve ever had..

 

And I just feel awful about it...I just miss that.

Not only because I am horny or nostalgic at times..but in general aswell.