Divorce

[tears_fall_invisibly]

Hey everyone,

i have a question that seems simple on the surface, and even i had my answers to it, but looking at the angle of ''if it was me'' or the true severity puts it into a different perspective, ive got a boyfriend, and he isnt young so its more of a mature answer im looking for, but how can i help him cope through his parents divorce?

 

His parents are great friends still and that has given a greater shock due to it being so unexpected, his father is moving out today and both him and his sister were only told three days ago, how do i help him cope?

 

My boyfriend isnt used to opening up and has only done so recenetly to me, with me being the only person he speaks to, he seems to feel he has to set a positive and good role model for his younger 14 year old sister, he has been teaching professional guitar for a while and puts his emotion into his work, even though this is one way of relief i dont think he is actually gaining enough help from it.

 

thankyou for any responce,

 

Jx

[AzurePhoenix]

Well.. I feel for your boyfriend. This is very hard.

 

We grow up for the most part with this protective umbrella over us, a safety net below and they are called our Parents. (Not always but usually). These folks are the people we can rely upon and build our world against. All that we do, we compare ourselves to our parents, we seek approval from them and seek advice from them.

 

Your boyfriend is going through a bit of an identity crisis. He references himself (subconsiously) through a reflection of his family. When that family breaks (divorce), then who is he?

 

You can be supportive. Cater a bit more to his needs.. like brining him a cup of tea unexpectedly. Be loving, understanding and caring. He will find his way out of this...

 

One way to perhaps do this is to have him talk and comfort his younger sister. She will likely be angry and confused. This may help him express what he is feeling by listening to her and helping her deal with her emotions.

 

I am from the Western United States. Our culture is a bit different from what I know of England. We speak roughly the same language, but our "Individualistic" axis of culture is different. I know that in England there is more emphisis on Identity being tied more to other people and groups of people than in the Western US. If you ask yourself "Who are you?" in the US, the answers will be much more individualistic in nature. "I am a father, I am a game designer, I am a race car driver, I am a husband, I am a product marketing manager..etc". When answering this question in less "Individualistic" cultures the answers are more group oriented, "I am the son of Michael Smith. I belong to the National Guard. I am a member of the Royal Guitar society". It is how we build our self identity of who we are and how we fit into the world.

 

You might want to try this question with him. Ask him "who he is?" Perhaps this will get a dialogue going and he can begin to express his confusion.

 

I hope that this helps some..

 

Best~

 

~AzurePhoenix