I think I need to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to hurt him.

[Decado]

Hi,

 

I know this is not the usual angle of a break-up that people post on this forum.

I'm usually on the receiving end of a break-up but for the first time in my life I think I need to break up with my boyfriend.

 

We've been seeing eachother for about 6 months but only been official for about 2 months. It's nice and comfortable in the realtionship but there's no spark. I like him but I don't think I could say that I'll ever love him.

 

As I write this, I know the right thing to do is to just do it and get it over with. The thing is that I care for him and I don't want to hurt him. I know how painful break ups are from experience. How can I have it so that it becomes a mutual agreement to break up?

 

I don't know.

 

Any sort of advice would be massively appretiated

 

Decs xx

[Daligal83]

I don't think there is a easy way. I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, I completely understand that and have been there. But it's going to hurt him more to have you continue pretending. You both deserve to be with people where there is potential for more and if it's not there for you, there's not much you can do. You can't stop this from hurting him but it'll hurt less now than it will another 6 months from now. Have you felt like this through the entire relationship?

[CMS]

It is what it is, if thats what you feel then do it, be honest with him and be strong.

[Decado]

Thanks for the advice. You're right. I should do it sooner rather than later.

 

It hasn't been like this throughout the relationship...when I first met him and the relationship started out, I really liked him. But as we've spent more and more time together, I've realised we have very little in common and only share a handful of interests.

[Penseur]

If you want to cause him the least amount of pain possible, the thing to do is be honest and straightforward. To be deceived or left in the dark hurts much worse than any harm the truth can do.

[RoxyGril]

You clearly mention how you feel about your relationship. Sometimes it may take time to realize if you truly want to continue being with person or not. It's best to end it before more feelings develop and it would be harder to end. Breaking up with someone always hurts but, this situation it seems like the right thing to do. I am sorry that you have to deal this but, as long as it's for the best!

[capilot]

Penseur is right. Tell the truth and frame it gently. "I really like you, but the chemistry just isn't there. It's not your fault and it's not my fault, it's just not there. I wish it was, but it's not and it wouldn't be fair to either of us to pretend."

 

The good news is that neither of you have a lot invested in the relationship, so it should be easier to move on.

[catfeeder]

Breakups never end 'well'. For anyone. Once you can accept that, you'll be better prepared to do the dirty work that everyone needs to do at some point. It's not fun, and trying to squirm 'around' the role of bad guy makes no sense--the one who initiates the breakup just needs to eat that role and allow the fallout to happen. Easier said than done? Sure. Nobody can make this easy for you, but when you know that the outcome will lead to relief and freedom from a relationship that you no longer want to be in, then it makes no sense to keep yourself miserable for the sake of appearing to be a fabulous person.

 

You're still a fabulous person. All relationships are voluntary.

 

Head high.