How much time is too much time in a new relationship?

[tygerwolf]

I always hear that at the start of a new relationship, the two people tend to spend a lot of time together. But how much is too much?

 

Me and my new boyfriend spend about every other day together. Sometimes we get together several days in a row regardless of how tired we are or how busy our schedules are.

 

 

What do you think? How much is too much or too little in your opinions?

[LDRohnos]

Depends on the person. If you're spending every free moment with that person that's probably not good. Just don't force yourself to spend more time than you need to....such as if you're busy or tired.

[Saures]

In my relationship, we'd spend, wednesdays, fridays, saturdays, sundays and sometimes if he asked, mondays too.

And it was probably the worst idea ever, because he was quite a social bunny and I wasn't, he missed parties and stuff and because I got into the relationship with him not going to parties, it was difficult to accept him going out rather than cuddling with me in bed at 10:30pm, and its kind of had a massive impact.

 

I think that, you should only see them when you miss them, or genuinely want to spend your time with them, if you spend all your time with them at first, you'll forget what its like to be on your own.

And trust me, once I had to start being on my own when I really wanted to be with him, my depression came back.

it can have major side affects, whilst you think its a good thing, it can really turn out horribly wrong

[Snowy]

If you start feeling that you are just seeing him because it's a routine; If you feel that you meet up without much plan; If you feel bored, you're spending too much time together.

 

Seeings each other too much can make the relationship very stale and boring.

[Rose30]

In my current relationship which is about 3.5 months old right now, we saw each other once a week the first month, about 2, sometimes 3 times a week the second month and 3-4 times a week after that. But we keep doing our own thing as well, meeting our own friends, spending time with family, doing extracurricular stuff etc... right now he is away on a 2 week vacation and even though I miss him, i am pretty busy, and this time apart made me realize that I am with my bf because I want to, not because I need to, so its really good

[hequestrian]

I think every relationship is different. In all of my past relationships I saw the person on the weekends and maybe one time during the week. Now with my current boyfriend we stay together every night. And that started fairly on, but I guess we just both knew it was right. Everyone is different. We both do our own stuff during the day, and get with our own friends to hang out during the week/weekend but I know that when I go to bed at night it will be with him. We both still have our own places and just alternate every few nights where were going to stay. He is the first guy I've ever been in love with. I don't hang out with him so much because I need to but rather because I want to. He makes me incredibly happy.

 

Prior to now I was always a "hang out a few times a week" kind of gal and now we see each other every day. Every person and every relationship is different.

 

Just don't force anything. I was lucky because BF and I wanted to see each other the same amount but it sucks when one person doesnt want to see another as much and vice versa. If you or he need more time than go slower before spending a lot of time together.

[Kaytie]

I think it depends on the couple and their respective schedules. With us, we both have busy careers, we don't live together and she has a child part-time. That alone has meant that we only see each other a few times a week, although that's increased a bit. We truly do miss each other terribly when apart....and 8 months in we still get butterflies when we meet up.

[EMTxTiffani]

A relationship's foundation is a friendship...to me, no time is too much time together; however too much time together may break the relationship; an idea; spend the weekdays together then weekends for friends....after all in a relationship u should be able to trust him with his friends....take it slow...friendship is one of the most important factors in a relationship

[cerebral]

things that begin quickly usually end just as quickly.. Take your time.. Whats the saying? Haste makes waste? Its like anything new.. you want it all the time when you first get it but then it gets old.. If you didn't spend the time to bond then it will get old fast. Bonding takes place when you"re aprt because you think about the time together.. if that is not allowed to happen then somewhere down the line it will break apart.

[corgidude]

It's interesting to read all the varying answers to what one would think is a simple question... some say no, others say yes, and still others give a somewhat middle-ground response between the two.

 

In my experience, it's never really harmed things in any of my previous relationships when we started out spending a lot of time together. We did it because we wanted to see each other, yet I made sure that there were a few 'off' days just to help keep things going. And in each instance, nothing that was negative ever came out of spending a lot of time together early on. -Yes, those relationships each ended, but it was much further down the road, and had no relation to how much time we spent together in the beginning. The breakups came because of differing life choices, and the realization that we wanted different things.

 

Getting back to the subject at hand, however: do what feels right, what feels natural. Just don't overdo it to the point where it starts making drastic changes to your life... if you're blowing off friends and other commitments to spend time together, that's setting a dangerous precedent. -Once or twice in the very beginning is fine... let's face it, when we're in the 'shiney new relationship' stage, even when we're hanging out with friends, mentally we're only half focused on our friends, and the other half is firmly focused on the person you've been seeing. But you can't start spending all your free time together to the exclusion of the rest of your life... that almost always spells disaster. It's important to have time for yourself, no matter what. Even after 30+ years of marriage, my parents still have lots of times when they each do their own thing. They do a lot of things together, but they always make time for their own individual things as well. Their lives don't soley revolve around spending time together, and it hasn't negatively impacted their marriage one bit.

 

There's no "magic number" of days/nights to spend together in a given week... it ultimately comes down to how you and your significant other feel about spending time together. But as others have said, make sure that there's some time apart, as well. Having some time apart is never a bad thing, as the old saying goes "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Maintain some time apart, but don't overthink things too much in regards to spending time together. Enjoy whatever time you do have, and try to focus on yourself the times that you're apart.

[Shudder]

i also don't think there is a set time for seeing one another, but once you realize you are seeing each other for the sake of doing so, and not actually wanting to do things with one another, thats probably a time you should sit back and maybe slow things down.

 

the girl i've been seeing, we started hanging out 4 out of the 7 days together. i'm trying to cut it back now as I realized we may be jumping too fast into things as its still quite early. maybe 1-3 days a week