my bf just confessed he has look at other girls sexually

[love50]

I've been with my bf for a little more than 4 months now. This is a long distance relationship as he is in New York City and Im in Nashville, Tennessee. I've been in several past relationships before and all are bad and this is his first. I got my insecuirites from the hurtful experiences from my ex/bfs. He told me before about a girl that is not related to him, but is related to his cousin's father side. His cousin's mom side is related to my bf family. Anyway, this girl would go to his room and play with his computer. He says nothing is going on and he doesnt flirt with her. Then I ask him have he thought of her sexually? And he didn't answer me that night and I was yelling. So the next night, I brought it up again, and I ask the same question. He finally admitted it. I asked him why is he thinking of her like that? He told me that his aunt was trying to hook her up with him to marry her because she doesnt have legal status to stay here in the U.S. He thought what would it be like to have sex with her and all. Besides he's a virgin too and that he was curious. He said he has no interest in her and see her as a sister after knowing her.

 

Then I asked him have he thought of other girls sexually as well, and he said he has. He says it just a thought and most of the times he doesn't think about it. He says he will never cheat on me and all, but I hate the fact that he looks at other girls. So I try to compromise to him, that if he ever looks and think of another girl sexually, I will leave him. I told him that he has to decide now, not tomorrow. It took him a few minutes, and he said okay he won't, and that he will change. I told him you have to change now, not a year later. I still believe he will look and I won't trust him. What will i do, this is driving me crazy. Besides that, I am 1 month pregnant with his child.

[bzborow1]

Honestly I think you're the one with the problem here. To tell someone they can't even have a thought in their head about someone is ridiculous. You honestly believe that you don't give a hot guy a second look? Come on.

[dotneter]

I know no one likes to think that their mate thinks about someone else sexually, it's bound to happen. And especially when this is a long distance relationship.

 

Even if it weren't a long distance relationship, even if the two of you were so sexually involved that that is all you did all day, do you honestly expect him to have so much discipline that he doesn't even think about anyone else sexually? Can you do that?

 

I agree with bzborow1. I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but you are the one with the problem here...

[RayKay]

He thought what would it be like to have sex with her and all. Besides he's a virgin too and that he was curious........

 

 

Besides that, I am 1 month pregnant with his child.

 

 

How the heck is he a virgin, and yet you are one month pregnant with HIS baby?

 

And further more, you cannot tell someone not to look/think like that, it is human nature. He will leave you is you are that controllling, I promise you.

[OmegaMan]

How the heck is he a virgin, and yet you are one month pregnant with HIS baby?

 

My thoughts exactly. Hmm.. sounds suspicious.

 

As for not thinking of others sexually. Impossible. Every one does it at one point of the other. Those who say they don't are lying to themselves and at others and live in their little magic world with fairies and leprechauns.

 

E.

[love50]

He was a virgin when he had that sexual thought with that girl, and it was before I came up to see him.

[northernlights]

He's a guy. Guys have hormones. Guys think about sex...quite a lot, I hear. It's nature...they just can't not think about it. So cutting him out just because he's having sexual thoughts isn't the right thing to do. If he has these thoughts but will never cheat on you, then that's all right. I know it's hard because of jealousy, but just think...

There's this great guy with all these girls around, but *who* is he dating (and apparently sleeping with)? You! Not them. You're the winner.

[johnagent1911]

Guys/Girls check out others all the time. No one ever really talks about it though. My ex was bi and we'd both look at girls. All the time.

 

This isn't a problem unless you make it that way.

[OceanEyes]

We're all human beings, and one of our most basic requirements is sex. However, throughout history and with social and cultural evolution and development, we've sort of grown out of the whole, "do anything that moves for reproduction" thingy that we used to be into. But it doesn't stop us from thinking about it from time to time.

 

You shouldn't press your boyfriend so hard for that kind of information. I certainly wouldn't because: 1. I wouldn't want to hear it. 2. I don't think it's fair or reasonable of me to think that I can control what he thinks about.

 

My boyfriend has pressed me for information that he hasn't liked hearing before, but in my opinion in a situation like this, just don't ask. Nobody here can tell you how to 'make' your boyfriend only have sexual thouts about you, because it's impossible to make something like that happen. Don't try to control him that way.