I just don't get it.

[tripmcneily]

I just trying to vent a little here. I have these constant up and downers one minute high as a frikon kite the next I have real thoughts about killing myself over the slightest little thing.

I always feel so guilty afterwards as well.

 

I just can't seem to keep myself together. No matter how much I step back and look at everything I have achieved. I know I am successful and everything but I still always feel like something is missing and it seems to be a massive part 'cause it hurts like a b*tch.

 

Constantly going on these downs is starting to kill me. I am just about to turn 20 and am a frikon alcoholic already. At least once a week I take a big fall and really seriously think about killing myself. I think it's starting to get worse and more frequent too. I am really starting to lose it.

[Just A Teen]

hey man,

not saying anything but just suggesting, you might want to go get checked out to see if your Bi-Polar... Its a unbalancement of emotion hormones. My brother is somewhat bi-polar and one second he'll be all happy and dandy and then the next he'll just totaly flip and be depressed about nothing..so you might want to get that checked out!

 

Yea man about the ....stop it aint good for you so stop it dude...

 

Being sui isnt good either...and stop that too because you know one death will lead to another and trust me it always does...so dont if not only for yourself but, for other people.. commiting Sui is in its own little way selfish. I bet you all the money in the world someone cares about you more then you think... Okay keep cool man

[mickk311]

you to huh

[dotneter]

I agree with Just A Teen, it does sound like biploar disorder. When you're high you feel like the king of the world, and when you're low you feel like things can't possibly get any worse. You're constantly going up and down, and you just can't find moderation. I know because I have it. During my highs I used to do a week's worth of work in one night, and during my lows I couldn't even get the motivation to get out of bed.

 

But things don't have to be that way. I've been seeing a therapist for almost two years now, and a psychiatrist for about 1. Talking about it, even to just a friend, really helps. It took the three of us a while to figure out what i had because I'd have fits of depression when no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and even trying medication was frustrating. We tried Zoloft (which made me feel like I was superhuman and I slept only 2 hrs a night for a whole week, before I finally came crashing down with a week of illness), Lexapro (which worked ok for a while but I gained a lot of weight and I was still always irrational), Zyprexa (which made me sleep 40 out of 48 hours with just ONE pill) and finally Depakote, which is a medication made for bipolar disorder. I don't want to make it sound like there's a magic pill out there that will fix everything, but Depakote worked miracles for me. I never knew how great it was to be just "normal". Sure, I still get sad and depressed, but it's not nearly as often as before.

 

It's just a chemical imbalance in the brain, and to an extent, the psychiatrist has to listen to the symptoms and "guess" what they think will work. The hardest part is accepting the possibility that there may be something wrong--and since you're here, I know that you've already crossed that hurdle. If you're in college, you might want to check with the school's health center. They usually have clinical social workers, therapists and psychiatrists for their students.

 

Whatever you do man, just know that this is just a little setback. It's just like getting a cold or springing an oil leak in your car--it can be fixed with the right pill or tool. Talk to friends, use this forum, do anything else but get help. And feel free to personal message me if you wanna know more about bipolar disorder.

 

And as far as the addiction goes, it's just frustration looking for an outlet. If you can't find a healthy outlet for all your energy that you have when you're low (when you're high you use it up without any problems--or maybe you use it in drinking when you're high). I don't know if that made sense, but seriously man, find a less dangerous addiction. This may sound dumb, but have you tried replacing it? Whenever I'm frustrated or I sense a low coming, I chew gum. Lots and lots of gum. I have it all over my house, backpack, car--everywhere. Not exactly healthy, but better than alochol. Think about it.

 

Good luck!

[Shizzle]

i have the same problem, am not happy about it either, its great when am happy, but these downer last longer the happy ones, i really had enough, i mean i got my GSCE'S back yesterday and was surprised i got better then predicted. but i still felt like i wanted to seriously die. i dunno what to do, my GF aint helping the situation either, arh i give up

[under_the_pressure]

Hey...I have been there, actually I'm still recovering. I don't have a drinking problem but being all yay one minte then life sucks the next...been there many times. I used to just think it was normal mood swings for me, dealing with 'that time of the month' and being a teenager and everything. But I went and discovered I'm bi-polar. It is hard to handle sometimes but it's not our fault, we can't help it.

I am really happy one minute then the next I'm planning my death. Just don't ever do it. I can't tell you to not think those thoughts sometimes they're uncontrollable, but don't do it. You always have something to live for and things do get better. I didn't believe it either, but the other day I was going to end it all and everyone reassured me things will get better and people care and I'm still here, and now I'm getting better.

 

hope i helped, and i'm always here if you want to pm me.

 

under*

[thisisnotanexit]

keep your head up, man. and yeah, alcohol is not a good way to cope. you need to try and stop that. it's not your fault you feel the way you do, we all do sometimes. check this link out. take care, msg me if you want. things will get better in time, just try and remember that - ive been there

 

link removed