Viper55666 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I've been single for most of the time since my divorce a couple of years ago. I've dated a few times but nothing really came of it other than getting screwed over by yet another cheating woman. I've been seeing a girl for about 3 months now, shes great, can't fault her one bit... the problem is I know in my heart that its not going anywhere. Shes really laid back and never pressures me into saying anything or making any kind of commitment that I don't want to. My problem is a moral one, I don't want to lead this girl on when I know its not going anywhere and I can feel myself half-arsing the whole thing. She hasn't tried to push me into anything... YET! She may not at all, she may just see it as a bit of company and sex, she hasn't asked anything of me other than not to sleep with anyone else. She knows that I'm still a bit broken up after the divorce and I think she may be just holding back and hoping I'll open up later. I really can't see it happening. Shes a lovely girl and I can't fault her one bit but either there is just something just not there, or I've turned into the typical cliche 'emotionally unavailable man'. I'm normally the type who falls for someone pretty quickly and doesn't mind showing it but in this instance its just not happening.... now whether thats because I've been screwed over too many times and won't let anyone in anymore or whether its something to do with her I don't know... I'd really like to, but I can't figure it out... Shes asked me to go to her mums wedding as her plus one in December and I really don't feel right doing that until I get some clarity on the situation but I've fried my own brain trying to figure it out and I'm kinda hoping a third persons perspective might shed a bit light on the situation. Any ideas would be welcomed! Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Sounds like it is a combination of your emotional baggage and simply not being that attracted to her. Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 I am physically attracted to her, theres no reason for me not to be attracted to her personality... shes actually a better person than a lot of the women I've dated and got more serious with... hence my dilemma! Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Then you are emotionally numb from your past, at least for now. This woman's intuition may see that and she is being patient with you. I have seen people's eyes open up in these situations and turn into great relationships. Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Sensible opinion... hope you're right. Hopefully it'll just be some personal demons that I have to conquer over time. Is it possible that a partner can tick all the right boxes but still not have the 'spark' to turn it into something more? I've never really been in this position before, normally I lead with my gut and I know that I either want to be with someone or I don't... this is the first time I've been left in nomansland with no gut feeling to go on and no idea which way to go... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Unless you two have talked about exclusivity, Im not seeing an issue here. If you feel the need to tell her that you arent interesting is taking this relationship further then feel free but I unless she has some belief that youre exclusive I wouldnt have that conversation until it comes up. Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 She did ask me not to sleep with anyone else... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 and did you say you would comply with her request? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Sensible opinion... hope you're right. Hopefully it'll just be some personal demons that I have to conquer over time. Is it possible that a partner can tick all the right boxes but still not have the 'spark' to turn it into something more? I've never really been in this position before, normally I lead with my gut and I know that I either want to be with someone or I don't... this is the first time I've been left in nomansland with no gut feeling to go on and no idea which way to go... It sounds like the 'spark' is lacking from you, honestly. Not sure what YOU have to offer her. I would leave her now so she can move on. Link to comment
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