Should I break it off?

[idrmartin]

Quick background- We dated 13 months. We live 2 hours apart. Have normally seen each other on weekends. She has been in love with me most of the 13 months up until the last 3 or so. My feelings have gotten stronger each month. Marriage has been a topic of conversation. We are both in our 40s with almost grown kids. She has had a very stressful summer, especially in the last month. During the summer, she has been fading out on me, texting less and less and rarely talking on the phone any more. Our visits have also diminished. Two months ago, she told me her feelings aren't as strong as they used to be and she's not as happy as she was the first 9 months of the relationship. She also told me that I have been about as "perfect" a boyfriend as any woman could want. Her parents, kids and family all like me A LOT and they have all expessed they'd love us to get married.

 

Recently- Her grandmother died 2 weeks ago. She adored her grandmother. She has also been very emotional all summer because her oldest daughter, whom she is VERY close to, is leaving to go off to college (and room with my daughter btw). Then last weekend, her daughter's best friend got killed in a car wreck, and her daughter has obviously been distraught. I saw her at a soccer game for a couple hours last Saturday, adn she was very distant. She later apologized by saying she had a lot of her mind. Our daughters were supposed to move into the apartment together this weekend. I was going to go up Saturday while my gf was going to leave Friday evening (tonight). This week, my gf has barely spoken to me. I tried to call her a few nights ago, but she didn't answer and 30 mins later told me she was helping her other child with homework and did I need anything? I told her I just wanted to talk to her and was wondering specific details for the weekend plans for college. She just said she didn't know yet and never called me back. But every night, she will text me "Goodnight, I love you". She also told me she'd love to take a getaway trip with me next month when things settle down. This sort of bugged me because she hasn't been there at all for me all summer basically, but she wants me to take her on a trip (at my expense of course). And now she and her daughter wont be moving into the apartment at college until next Tuesday. So I wont see her this weekend again. (Aside from 2 hours last Saturday, I havent seen her since early August.

 

Two nights ago, I told her I'd like to help her through this tough time if I could. I offered to be a listening ear, or do anything I could to help her. She coldly responded that she is battling emotions about everything that is overwhelming her and she doesn't want to talk about it, but just wants to handle it on her own and there's nothing I can do. So I've basically left her alone, and she isn't even texting me anymore. I did send her a text this morning- "I hope you have a good day today". She replied- "Thank you, I hope you do too". That's it.

 

I feel I'm totally being shut out and I feel she is doing the "fade out" on me, but also she has had some emotionally troubling times recently. I know i'm not being treated right, but I don't want to be a jerk and break it off while she's going through this either, but part of me feels I should, because she has told me she hasn't been as happy and her actions are telling me very LOUDLY that I'm not important to her right now, if at all anymore.

 

So should I wait it out a while longer, leaving her alone and let her come to me, or should I go ahead and break it off? Opinions welcome

[hazelnut321]

You are close to my age and I can relate to how your feel. I've had a similar experience. However, we did stay in close contact via the phone- he was just consumed with his kids.

 

If you care about this lady (and it's obvious that you do), I think you shouldn't break it off just yet. Also- back up a little- give her some room. She know's you are there if she needs you, you've made that clear. Let her call you a little more- maybe a 3:1 ratio. If she continues to stay out of touch for a few weeks, you will have your answer. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. However, don't be a fool either.

[happyfrank]

Give her one or two months. Seems like she is hurting.

[idrmartin]

Hazelnut, Yes I agree. I have backed up A LOT. It's very hard for me. You get used to that person being an integral part of your every day life. We used to text ALL day long, talk at night, see each other on all weekend and occasionally during the week. To go from that to barely texting 2-3 times a day, not talking on the phone, and rarely seeing each other anymore is very hard to swallow. She just isn't "into me" at all anymore and there's nothing I did wrong. It's just "Love Done Gone" as the song goes. Very tough.

[Stay_home]

There's really a lot going on right now.

 

Back off, back up and give her some room to breathe and to heal. It's great that you want to be there for her and show support, but it also sounds like you might be applying a little too much pressure on her to reach out to you. I have a feeling also that part of what's been on her mind is evaluating the relationship also (just as you have) and that may also be a reason why she's been so distant. With so much looming in the horizon, she doesn't know what to do.

 

Give her some time to sort things out.