I send her photos.. not even a thankyou!

[Sadboy75]

What is it with x's.... you break up and go your separate ways! There are going to be things that you have left behind (ie clithes) etc that will be passed on... or in my case photos!

 

I came accross a roll of film that ended up having a photo of her and her sporting hero on it together... so i get in touch via text and ask if she would likeit! Yes Please bla bla bla.... got a response! Anyway I send it in the mail and she has definitely received it by now.... I do not even get a Thanks!

 

Sorry but it hurts a bit... I find that to be sorry wrong! Where has the human courtesy gone... you break up and they treat you like you do not exist! All I can say is I can hold my head up as I have been a gentleman... but it still disturbs me!

[herewegoagain]

Same way with my ex - she has turned cold and heartless. I wonder why people act so mean when they are your ex? It's just not right.

[Sadboy75]

You are right! Why are they so heartless and cold!? A 'thanks' is not difficult... they cut complete contact for a variety of reasons. Maybe they dont want us to hurt and move on, maybe they are trying to block us so they dont get hurt... I just do not know but it is just quite simply wrong!

 

One day she may need sopmething or mail may be delivered to mine and I will simply bin whatever I come accross.... why would i do otherwise if they cant find it within themselves to say 'thanks.'

[cassiana]

I remember reading somewhere that the mindset of the dumpee and the dumper are totally different. I know that the way I treat someone who gives me unwelcome attention and welcome attention is different. When I get unwelcome attention I feel afraid, I try to be cool, cold then rude if I have to be. While I can be flattered by non-threatening unwelcome male attention (you know some guy at work who just likes to flirt but would never overstep the mark) I feel quite intimidated by unwelcome attention from guys who just won't take no for an answer. After awhile I resent them and then I get mean, because i'm stressed.

When we are dumped and we try to maintain contact are we not just people who can't take no for an answer. Lets face it, didn'y you have an ulterior motive in sending the photos? Isn't that why she didn't reply, not because she was mean.

I dated a guy this year and we had a great time and he just dumped me just before he had to go off and study for a law course. He has M.E and couldn't cope with all the stress. However he looked bad and felt guilty about what happened but he couldn't really apologise because if he did he would have to meet me etc and he still needed to get rid of me for the duration of his course, which was in another city. My birthday was coming up and I believe his birthday card to me should be studied in psychology classes. He tried to keep friendly but at the same time the subtext said leave me alone. So i did. I knew that there was no point dealing with him while he was doing the course. I will see the true measure of his worth when its over.

I hope that makes sense.

[Sadboy75]

I understand where you are coming from, however, in this case it was simply to send some photos that she really wanted! She knew they were on their way in the post!

 

All I did was send two photos and a short message saying I hope you have a wonderful last nine months here in London and all the best for the years ahead. That was it! It was not threatening or unwelcome whatsoever. Things are over between us, it was a joint decision, so there were no hidden 'i want u back' comments or 'i want u back' by way of providing the photos themselves.

 

To me - it is just plain rude!

[rich46]

Maybe she was being rude, but who cares? Forget about it, she's not your problem anymore...

[cassiana]

My ex bought me a beautiful bunch of roses for valentines. I bought him the Franz Ferdinand CD and some novelty items. His birthday was in February and I bought him the Billboard encyclopeadia of classical music plus a four cd compliation. He dumped me April 3rd. He sent me an email a week later. It was a joke he forwarded to ten people I didn't reply. A week later he sent me another email joke, again I didn't reply. That week he sent me a birthdaycard saying that he hoped that I was keeping well. He included four lottery tickets and wished me luck with them. I cried my eyes out when I got that card. I didn't reply. do you think I was being rude? About 6wks later a mutual friend bumped into him and asked if he had been in contact with me. He said that he had sent me a birthday card but I hadn't replied. Do you think he thought I was rude?

I miss him like crazy.

I'm asking you these questions because I think the answers would be illuminating for us both as men and women react to things differently. Do you understand why his card broke my heart and why I didn't reply?

[Sadboy75]

Now I get your point!

 

Perhaps he wants to catch up with you... he may have feelings for you but does not want to openly admit it! It could be bait... but you are not biting at it!

 

The only issue for you I suppose would be to go for the bait to find out he doesnt want anything.... it is a risk! Are you prepared to take that risk?

 

Did u end on good terms? Were there harsh words? Words of getting back? I suppose you must analyse what you want, how things ended, and what you have come to realise since you broke up!

[cassiana]

I'm really glad you get my point, I was afraid I came off all angry.

The thing is men and women see things differently.

With me I needed some sign that he really cared about me and none of his three communications was personal. So i don't know where i stand. Did he send them to me to placate his conscience, to look good to the mutual friend who introduced us or what?

 

He dumped me because he was freaking out about a course. The dumping was quite unexpected, quite cold and showed him in a very self-absorbed light. I have bored people with the full story allover this site. I got a few points back and in the end walked out of the bar leaving him feeling like a s$$$. The next monday he told our friend that he hadn't meant to break up with me at all but that he needed time to reflect on the relationship.He told her I had been great and that it was all his fault and that he had screwed up. He said he would contact me and you know what that amounted to. He asked her for my address to send me the card but hadn't the guts to admit to her that he didn't know when my birthday was.

All this communication occurred between the dumping and the start of his course in another city.

I felt that it was an insult to how much he knew he upset me to send me a jokey email, twice and as part of a circulation list.

I felt that the bland card was as unemotional as he could manage because really he couldn't cope with me at that time because the reason for the break-up (the course, but I think hewas too ashamed toshow weakness and admit to me that that was why he was dumping me).

I felt to thank him for the bland card and the thoughtless gift, (lottery tickets! I reckon if the petrol station where he bought them didn't do the lottery I would have got a magic tree! remember what I had bought him a month before) would be like saying its okay to treat me like crap. I also felt that he wanted an easy way out so he could go off and do his course with an easy conscience. I wasn't going to allow that because i'm heartbroken.

Maybe he thought he was being great and kind and thoughtful, but all I saw was insults and more hurt for me.

I looked forward to that card once I knew that it was being sent. I thought he might buy me a nice gift (one that showed thought) and I could reply with dignity and maybe we could start talking. I was gutted because the card was so bad I couldn't, it would have labelled me a pushover and I would lose him forever.

Does this help?

[Sadboy75]

Just an update!

 

I received an email yesterday saying thankyou! Message was rather short but she was very polite and said she was glad to hear that I am getting back on track! Feel as though she has calmed down substantially (previously she never wanted to have anything to do with me ever again) so it is nice to know that I can move on knowing there isnt the animosity and anger that there once was!

 

If I bump into her down the street at least I know we can be civil and not on edge. That is bound to happen as she lives nearby! Not looking for reconciliaiton but I would like to be civil and catch up once in a while!

 

Maybe, just maybe, that will happen in time!