how do couples fight? a survey

[catgirl82]

hey guys

i was just curious to see how and how often couples fight, and about what? i am in my first serious relationship and i was just wondering what is normal. my boyfriend and i fight about every other week, and when we do its usually a big blowout. i am very sensitive and he has a temper when he gets angry (sort of like i push him over the edge because i tend to be a crybaby). then we usually yell at eachother and then the next day work things out.how do things work out for you guys in relationships? do you have any suggestions on how to make fighting less hurtful and more productive?

[catgirl82]

oh and id like to add that weve been long distance for about 3 months so i wonder if that makes people fight more

[kizzyfur]

My BF and I hardly ever fight. We've been together for 10 months now and have had maybe one or two tiffs. Our relationship is more or less LD as he's on the road for work a lot. Hopefully that will change soon though.

 

I'm not sure getting into major arguments every week is normal. Don't think it's very healthy either. I do hope you can find alternative ways to settle your differences. Like sitting down and discussing them with a cool head before it becomes something to argue about. Good luck to you.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Most arguments are due to a disagreement whereby neither of the couple in the relationship wants to "give up" their opinion in favour of the other..

[sisterlynch]

There are rules to fighting, you can look them up. I would say that it is bad to let him see you crying. It gives him too much power. For some darn reason guys like to hurt the one that they love...this is bad for you because it is giving him too much power over you.

 

You could seek counseling for depression, you could hide your feelings and hope they go away, you could see him as a verbal abuser and say no more. It is really up to you.

 

Letting him fight and win, when you cry he wins, is not good for your state of mind because you are completely defeted by his anger and aggression.

 

Get him to take a chill pill or you tell him you need a break. Listen carefully to your internal voice while you are fighting with him.

[PAdreamer]

My boyfriend and I have been together in a LDR for almost 8 months. We don't fight, we disagree. We TALK things through. That's the key. In 8 months we've only had two real emotional upsets, and that was when I had gone to visit him so we were both pretty nervous and tense anyway.

 

I would suggest that both of you work on the way that you interact. He needs to work on controlling his anger and frustration, and you can't allow yourself to be so sensitive all the time. If you find a healthy balance, I'll bet you'll have less problems. Good luck!

[chosin03]

To answer your question, when my ex and I fought it wasn't really what we were angry or frustrated about. I armed myself with supportable facts and confronted her on what was going wrong between us. remembering to stay in the present, and not delving into issues that i could revive like dead dogs. I ended the argument by walking away and not talking anymore Silent anger did a lot more damage to our relationship and dealt the death blow to it. I was told long ago not to take my anger to bed with my mate. communication is the key to resolving issues between two people, I regret that I did not. [/b]

[bruind]

it is bad to let him see you crying. It gives him too much power.

 

when we're in a fight, when he sees or hears me crying, he softens up. stops fighting with me, and comforts me. he feels guilty whenever he makes me cry. seems like im the one who gains power

[sisterlynch]

I understand that it is not uncommon for women or just about anyone to cry when they get under a lot of stress. But crying for the sake of making the other person feel guilty isn't as good as learning to talk things out like adults.

[bruind]

But crying for the sake of making the other person feel guilty isn't as good as learning to talk things out like adults.

 

i didnt say i cry during our fights FOR THE SAKE Of MAKING HIM FEEL GUILTY. what i said was, he feels guilty when i cry cause he knows he has hurt me. IM NOT DOING IT DELIBERATELY. he feels that way, and its not my intention to make him feel that way.

 

hope u get what i mean

[sisterlynch]

He feels guilty because he has made you upset, not because you are crying. We all have our own way of communicating in relationships, how can I say that your way of communication is wrong, if it is working for you then do it, but eventually it will take more and more to hurt you and he will feel compelled to hurt you. That is my fear for you.

[bruind]

it will take more and more to hurt you and he will feel compelled to hurt you.

 

i dont think so..

[ShinyFairyLights]

Well, me and my ex fought sometimes, but not a lot. At the end of the relationship, it was mostly about him not seeing me or respecting me enough to talk about our issues.

 

Mostly, I would cry, because I hate fighting and when I care about someone I hate having them mad at me or visa versa. I'd hold it back, but when he'd be gone it'd be like a downpour! Hehe