Would you want to know if your bf/gf slept with a friend they still talk to?

[Kalika]

Hey ENA,

 

Random question - Let's say your partner had a friend, and slept with this friend before you met. Would you want to know about it if they were still friends with this person?

 

 

I am just curious about your responses.

 

Me personally - I would probably want to know - not details, but I would just want my partner to give me the courtesy of a "by the way" ... although I do realize that I would probably hate knowing ... I really can't decide my opinion on this one ...

[soybeans]

Yes, I would want to know. But I can see how the partner in question wouldn't be too quick to admit to it if they were still in contact and saw each other on a regular basis.

[Alezia]

I don't know. What if it was 10 years ago and you are still part of a mutual friend group but you don't see yourself outside that group. Nothing happened since and he now has a gf of 6+ years? Is it really necessary?

[sharp pencil]

It depends- I once had a fling with a woman that ended up being in a relationship with a friend of mine 9 months later. That friend and I met up for an event and to my surprise he introduced her as his date. Of course we told him we've met but kept quiet about the fling. well I think another year went by before she told him. Mind you I was in a relationship at the time, I get a call from him at 3 am just screaming and cursing. He dumped her and cut me out of his life.

 

Her and I were never in touch unless we bump into each other around town. I don't think he had reasons to suspect anything nor am I sure why she told him. But it sure messed up a relationship that could have been great.

[banal]

Nope.

 

10char.

[elcie]

When I first met my husband-to-be, I was introduced to his friends, including his ex-girlfriend. It was all honest and up-front, she was pregnant with her current boyfriend's child, and she was warm and welcoming to me.

 

I had no problem with the situation; in fact, I got on so well with her that I ended up sharing a house with her for eight months until I got married.

 

So, it all depends how open your SO is with you, whether everything is resolved between the SO and the friend, and how welcoming the friend is to you.

[Snowy]

I don't really care.

 

As long as they're not still sleeping together lol.

[gingerlemon]

I'd want to know. I think it's generally a positive thing to know about your partner's sexual past. Not every little detail or anything, but if he's slept with someone we socialise with/ he socialises with regularly, yes I'd definitely want to know.

 

We live in a society now where most/a lot of people come with a 'past', with previous sexual partners and experience, and having been with people you might know or which they might occassionally meet socially or professionally. I think we all have to learn to relate to those things as part of being in relationships, rather than pretending it didn't happen. The important thing is that the person is with ME, and wants to be with ME, at present.