dating after the breakup

[dolorosa]

I am dating again, but only going out for dinner and few drinks, with a guy I met and a couple exs.... with none of them I have kiss, or anything. I know for a fact my ex will never come back, i will never hurt someone the way I was hurt so if any of my dates becomes something else I will explain from the start.

[guest777]

I hooked up with one guy (not sex) a few times, and made out with many since the breakup. The guy I was hooking up with had no intentions of a relationship and knew what all I had been through and knew I wasn't up for one either. I hated the fact that I was using guys, but then I found comfort in the fact that they were using me too. But it still hurts to know that he didn't want to use you, like when the guy i was hooking up with stopped contacting me.

 

I don't feel its right for me to go out with guys and be thinking about my ex. I wouldn't want a guy to do that to me! So, in that case I try to mention that I just got out of a long term relationship, but then I feel like I mentioned it too soon. But if the shoe was on the other foot, I would want a guy to be straight forward and basically telling me my whole heart isn't in this and I have some reservations.

 

I have totally been where you are now. The despair, the dreams the whole bit. but stay strong and things will get better I promise. Healing after a breakup isn't a competition. Just because he's out there dating doesn't mean you have to be. Take your time and get to a place where you are strong and confident. Youll be much more likely to have a healthy relationship then.

 

Does that mean that by my ex not taking his time that he's in a unhealthy relationship?

[WeightOffChest]

Hey, aren't you reconciling with the ex? No casual dating for you. If by casual date, you mean a movie or dinner and thats it, no sex. And if you let the other person know thats all it is is a casual date, sure, why not.

Haha, I'm glad that you know my story well enough.

 

Really, what I was bringing up was the idea that my ex had a rebound whom she said she didn't love or anything serious like that. However, he supposedly fell in love with her, and she had to figure out a way to let him down gently. This does not reflect well in my eyes, because I hate the idea that 1.) as her ex, there was a rebound that has held me back emotionally, 2.) she was not emotionally strong enough to deal with our breakup that she acted drastically, and 3.) she basically discarded this guy's feelings (even though he can eat * * * * for getting involved with a girl fresh out of a relationship). Now, I have to also argue in her defense because I'm trying to get back with her, that it took this rebound for her to 1.) ease the pain of the breakup for her, 2.)to realize how I can't be replaced and 2.)to have the self-confidence knowing that she's still got it and can move on without me.

 

Now, you say "no sex", but what if a one-night stand is cathartic for healing? I wanted to have sex with someone to prove to myself that I still had it in me after we broke up. I'm not interested in dating anyone seriously or even having a FWB situation because the meaning is too strong for me.

 

I guess it's just the meaning that's inherent in the relationship that makes the difference. A semi-serious rebound is worse than going around town and having NSA sex with strangers. A one-night stand where you use an innocent person would be worse than a FWB situation with meaningless sex. It's also the disregard for the other person that affects the meaning. If the rebound knows it's only for fun and nothing serious, then it's better than leading someone on in a relationship when you're heart's not in it. If the one-night stand knows it's no strings attached, it's better than sleeping with someone who's looking for a relationship. It's all dependent on the meaning and intent of the gesture, not the gesture itself.

 

Watching the movie Clerks last night, the girl showed her loyalty and love because she only slept with 3 people (including her boyfriend) while the guy slept with 12. However, she also sucked 37(!) * * * * s, but to her it was meaningless because sex was a much more important gesture.