Second chance or "closure letter?"

[LaKings55]

I love collecting information, and I've read a couple things about people sending second chance or "closure" letters to their exes in order to break NC, or set the wheels in motion for getting back together. I doubt I'd ever try writing one of these, but has anyone done this? Have they worked for anyone on ENA? What are some of the formats and things you said to your ex that got them to respond (hopefully positively)?

[AC Slater]

I'm in the same position, been nearly 5 months and i'm at a crossroads of making some sort of contact or just continuing with NC. I know she'd be happy to see me and meet up but i don't know whether it'd be as strictly friends or whatever. Hardest part about breaking NC in my opinion is not knowing how they feel. I wrote sort of a closure letter as few days after we broke up, telling her i truly regretted how i made her feel and i wish things would've turned out differently, then basically disappeared. She replied positively, saying it was one of the nicest things anyone's said to her and that she was ready to be friends when i was. Never happened, went straight into NC. About a month or so later she texted me for no real reason and i blew it off, now looking back on it she might've been reaching out because she's very insecure and shy. Personally i'm not sure if a letter is the best way to go about it, but at the same time it's impersonal and doesn't put much pressure on them, essentially they can do what they want with it. It's all so confusing..

[Eocsor]

I don't think sending a closure letter to try and jump start things will work. Little games like that seldom do. If you are really set on trying to reconcile, ask them out for coffee and build on it from there. I don't think it's something that can be rushed. Just take it slow and try and gauge where you stand. Treat it like you are dating again. You'll soon find out if there is any interest.

[Edmund Exley]

Saying "Im writing to let you know Im moving on and just needed closure" is nothing more than trying to manipulate someone to see your no longer there for their taking and hope that they will run back. Telling someone your closed is not exactly a productive way to start communication back up.

[LaKings55]

That's what I don't understand about these things. Why would someone, in order to get their ex interested in again, basically send them a letter saying they're moving on, closing it out for good, etc? If I had an ex do that, I'd just say "whatever" and delete it or throw it away. I think you have a better shot if you remain positive, don't say anything, and then just send a quick hi on someone's birthday be it your ex or one of their relatives. I guess tho, these "systems" people talk about are made to make money, and the logic behind these letters is to create the fear that you'll be gone forever, so you're basically playing games. I'd rather walk away with my dignity. Still, has anyone tried these after months of NC? I'm sure they would create a level of interest in some exes, since as i said, there will always be those that are fine with NC indefinitely if they know their ex is still around, or reachable. But take that away from them, and I'm sure some would start reaching out. Personally, my latest ex isn't worth the time to write one. If she wants to reach me, she knows how. I live by the if you love something, set it free, if it comes back its yours forever, if it doesn't it wasn't yours to begin with mentality. But it seems like some people intend for these letters to do just that, officially letting go, and the consequence is that their ex reaches out, they begin positive communication, etc. I guess it all depends on motive, and if you force yourself into that mindset that you're officially letting go, these types of letters would seem genuine. But if your intent is to mess with your ex, then I suppose it doesn't seem like a great thing to do.

[Mellie]

One of my exes (the dumper) started mailing me chit chatty emails a few months after it ended. I'd made it clear from the start I wanted NC. I responded a few times out of politeness but then said (no offence) but I didn't really think it was productive for either of us. He answered saying if I ever change my mind then you know where I am. I know where he is but I never changed my mind, so I'll never know what that was all about.

 

It does make you wonder - if something's off the menu, it's human nature to want that damned dish - provided you've tried it before and you liked it, of course.

 

The ebooks you read recommending dumpees send a note out of the blue thanking the dumper for such and such and trying to ignite curiosity by alluding to something spectacular has happened in your life, yada yada, I don't buy into that at all but it would be interesting to hear whether it ever worked for anyone.

[LaKings55]

Just like these ebooks dudes read to attract women. Yes, there are good points out there for attracting a woman, but almost all of these tips force you to stick to a "system" and basically act cocky and funny at all times. If that's simply not a part of your personality, it will wear on you after a while and you'll let your guard down. These systems are probably great for getting one night stands, and getting over one's fear of approaching women, but they won't do much for creating long-term relationships or marriages. If you attract the type of women that love "cocky and funny" sarcastic, apathetic men, then at some point when you want a romantic, long relationship, her attraction will likely go out the window. Probably what happened with my ex. When we first met, I was the life of the party, cocky and funny, intelligent, but respectful. But as my feelings for her grew, that kind of went out the window, and she seemed to get more distant, even though this all happened over the course of months. I mean, she seemed to respond to the romance a little, but nothing like before. At some point, you want someone to appreciate YOU, not this image of a sarcastic a******. You know the types, the ones who constantly make fun of everything, pick on someone's insecurities and just ooze sarcasm and sexual innuendo. Yeah, I can play that role as much as anyone else, especially after a couple drinks, but it gets tiresome. Yeah, we're all actors to some extent, but still, if you were raised to be polite and respectful like I was, then this mold or "system" just doesn't work long-term

[LaKings55]

still, any success stories from these systems? Ones I've heard mentioned are "magic of making up," "2nd chance" etc.