Sometines don't know if I can keep going

[chocolatelover]

Hi,

I am a 45 year old mom of 2 great teenagers. My husband was diagnosed with advanced cancer 2 years ago, but is still doing okay right now, though still undergoing treatment. My mom was also diagnosed with advanced cancer withing 4 months of him. If things are just going along fine, I do alright, but even the slightest change noe totally throws me. I sonetimes even think I do not want to be alive anymore. I think I just cannot handle it anymore because everyone needs me for something. I have nothing left to give. I don't know how I am going to get through the next few years, with my husband and mom declining at the same time, with 2 kids that also need my support. Anybody been through something similar and get through it? Please, any help appreciated.

[hurtabandoned]

I'm sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through. If possible, you should get some help to lessen the load - other family or close friends, maybe people from church if you attend.

 

There are also support groups for families dealing with cancer, you may want to check around in your area for that.

 

I wish you and your family the best.

[Katheelynn]

I so identify with you that we could be twins...I just went to my therapist and fell apart in his office feeling exactly the same way...my circumstances are different, but I too am taxed from taking care of everyone else in my family and no one really giving a second thought about what I might need. I feel I am here for their convience. I know they love me, but they are so used to me handling everything that I think they think I am a superperson with no need of support. Who hugs me when I down? Do they even consider the effect their constant demands have on me? I sometimes wonder. I often think about just getting in my truck and driving away. It would be sooo cool to just get up and have coffee and not worry about what the day will bring. Just do whatever I want to do. You are not alone in your needs. I want you to know that I acknowledge what a draining spot you are in now. You defin needs someone to vent to and lean on. Nothing is wrong with the feelings you are having. If Heaven has a special crown for those that have given beyound the norm, you would be wearing a jelwled golden crown.

[Scout]

Chocolate lover - I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Life sure can throw us some monumental things to deal with, can't it?

 

It is absolutely essential that you get involved in at least one support group, and therapy is highly recommended as well. It is true that a lot will be demanded of you in the next couple of years. The only way you will be able to handle this and take care of everyone is to take care of yourself, as well, especially your spirituality. Church, meditation, whatever you do to nourish your spiritual side, please make sure you don't neglect.

 

We are here for you, too. You are not alone.

 

- Scout

[chocolatelover]

Thanks for your replies. I have tried therapy in the past, but it has always left me feeling empty. My daughter just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years, and I had become very good friends with his mom, who is also going through a tough time. I feel guilty, because the 2 of us went out to dinner last night, even though I felt like we should not because of the recent breakup. We talked a little about the breakup, but mostly about us. Is this okay???

 

To make matter worse, my husband has become almost verbally abusive to me and the kids. I know it anger/medications, but it is almost to the point I cannot take it anymore. I DON"T know what to do. It has gotten to the point I just fantasize about running away, or worse. Luckily I have my kids because they are the only things that keep me focused.

[Scout]

How many therapists did you try? I know that it's possible to get a "dud" everyone now and then. But generally, therapy should not leave one feeling empty if you have a decent therapist. I suggest finding another, because it sounds like you have an overwhelming amount of problems here. Friends are a great outlet of support, and if you can stay friends with your daughter's ex's mom, that would be good. Just make a deal not to talk about your kids' relationship!

 

Regarding your husband - what is his deal?? Why is he doing this to you when you have so much you are going through now?? Is it possible you two could spend some time alone together and talk this out?

[chocolatelover]

"Regarding your husband - what is his deal?? Why is he doing this to you when you have so much you are going through now?? "

 

I have no idea. When he was first diagnosed, I spent hours researching treatments and doctors and got him in to who is considered one of the top doctors in our area. I have tried to be so supportive. I think it has to do with money issues as well. We are living paycheck to paycheck, barely, and he has no life insurance, so the kids and I will be in a tough situation eventually when he can no longer work. He is just unbearable to live with right now. He criticizes our every move, and by doing so is completely wreaking havoc with my self confidence and moods. My mom is such a great person, but is asking me all of the time to do all of these errands for her. I have the time, sometimes, but it is so overwhelming for me to do much of anything right now. It is hard to cook, shop, pay bills...anything that is just normal, so when something else is added on to my plate, I just find it so hard.

 

As far as my daughter's ex's mom, we did talk a little about the break up last night since it is the first time we have seen each other since it happened. (I told her my daughter had a tough summer with all of the ups and downs in the relationship, but was doing well now) But we mostly talked about us and our own issues. Did I step over some boundaries? I don't want to do anything to hurt my daughter. But there are so few people in life you meet that you have a connection with, and this woman and I have a strong connection. I am so worried that she went home and relayed what we had spoken about to her son, eventhough I asked her to keep it between us. I don't know if my seeing this woman will prolong the healing process for my daughter, who is really hurting right now. I asked her about going out last night, and she said it was okay with her.

[kauaiangirl83]

Hi,

I'm sorry that things are going rough for you and your family right now. I admire you for doing the absolute best that you can.

 

About your husband getting more angry and abusive, perhaps it's the medication he's on? I don't think it's cool at all that he's snapping at you...maybe you should talk to his dr. about it?

 

I don't think that you seeing your friend who is your daughter's ex's mom was wrong. I think that every woman needs friends to talk to. If my mom talked to my ex's mom I would feel kinda awkward, honestly, but you said that you mostly talked about what's going on in your life, not your daughter's and her son's, right?

 

How old are your daughters? Maybe they can help with some of the errands and things that need to be done around the household?

 

Most importantly, you seem like your getting burned out. You absolutely need to do something for yourself. You need to get a pedicure or take a nice bubble bath or just relax something for you.

 

I hope this helps!