Mixed signals, crumbs, and acceptance

[just not sure]

ok so...the dog thing happened and of course she starts telling me more BS like "you're not what i want right now, i can't say that won't change", "i'll always love you" blah blah blah. basically a bunch of nothing. THEN a bit later she starts telling me how she really likes this dude and he went to the Vet ER with her to bring the dog...like i would've just gone back to sleep while our dog is paralyzed. whatever.

 

then today AFTER she's been told numerous times not to contact me unless it's about a serious sickness, death or she wants to try again....she texts me because my football tickets are at the post office and she got a card in the mail about them.

 

i'm really close to changing my number. i dont know why she won't just stop. there's a million other ways for her to get me trivial info like that. we have mutual friends, mutual friends on facebook, her mother has my cell number, etc.

[tresqua]

i'm really close to changing my number.

 

Just block her number from your phone. No need to change your number.

 

Another possibility is that when she calls or texts.. simply don't answer.

[just not sure]

i don't usually. the last time we talked it was about the dog and the last time i responded to her texts was to ask her why she was disrespecting me by contacting me after i told her not to and you told me my response was crazy lol.

[tresqua]

i don't usually. the last time we talked it was about the dog and the last time i responded to her texts was to ask her why she was disrespecting me by contacting me after i told her not to and you told me my response was crazy lol.

 

Asking her why she disrespects you by contacting you after you told her not to is completely pointless and counterintuitive as well as nonproductive.

 

What do you EXPECT her to say to that?

 

Here's some possibilities:

 

1- I don't respect you because you're a loser who is not worthy of my respect

2- Oh I forgot you told me not to contact you, sorry. (Followed by more contact a day or two later)

3- Oh I didn't think you really meant it when you said that (Followed by more contact a day or two later)

4- I just enjoy messing with your head when I'm having a slow day

5- Sorry, I missed you and I am just making up excuses to call you, it won't happen again. (Followed by....)

 

You can choose more than one

[just not sure]

so what should i do that would have a point, as well as be intuitive and productive?

[tresqua]

so what should i do that would have a point, as well as be intuitive and productive?

 

Block all means of contact and if she finds a way to get around them, ignore her.

 

It will be productive, as it will allow you to regain control of your life and start the process of moving on and not waiting on her next move and allowing yourself to be manipulated by her.

 

Intuitively, it makes perfect sense in its lack of ambiguity and it's just so easy to do, there's no grey area, it's black and white.

 

And she'll get the point.

[tresqua]

so what should i do that would have a point, as well as be intuitive and productive?

 

I already told you what to do in post #27.

[tresqua]

** Edited to add to above post

 

I forgot I responded to this thread last night, sorry for the roughly idential posts, I am unable to edit my posts due to temporary account restrictions.

 

I guess there's something to say for repetition.. if they don't get it the first time, "try and try again...."

[just not sure]

i am really dumb. for real.

 

 

[just not sure]

to clarify, a friend of her new boyfriend brought his phone into my store to have it worked out so of course i looked through it and this dude is a complete tool. immature, wanna-be gangsta, basically the whole package. so i'm feeling good about the fact that she's chosen to be with a d-bag who's going nowhere.

 

then i get bored at lunch and decide to look at her google info.

 

in the past week she's googled...

 

"best condoms for big penis"

"most durable condoms"

"when does ovulation occur"

 

as well as setting up a vacation to a 3 bedroom condo on the beach the week of my birthday.

 

that's pretty much the definition of setting yourself back. why am i so ******* stupid?!?

[magnoliatree]

why in the world are you looking at her private search data?

[just not sure]

because i'm an idiot. or maybe a glutton for punishment?

 

i was happy to see how much of a loser this guy really, truly is. why the hell i couldn't leave it alone after that i dunno. it's not like i was going to find out that she searched "i broke up with the best guy ever" or "i love eddy and i made a huge mistake"

 

so so so so stupid.

[just not sure]

more contact from her.

 

"i know you don't get paid till the 30th. your car note is due tomorrow. this means i will have to pay $300 tomorrow. i have money this month but you need to get ahead with your payments please. Plus you owe $325 of a payment you missed. You need to put the money directly in my account. If you do not have the # it is ********* as it is your responsibility to get the money to me in the most convenient and timely manner to me. Please acknowledge that you understand and will comply with the message."

 

first of all, i've already made arrangements to get the money to her tomorrow since i wanted to specifically avoid a message such as this, but i guess she just wants to bother me although i've specifically asked for her not to contact me unless it is a life/death situation or she is calling regarding reconciliation.

 

SO SO SO SO much i'd love to respond back with, but i won't cause it isn't helpful to me to get into a war of words with her for both my healing, and to keep the small, faint, flickering flame of hope alive. why i don't just stomp it out in the first place is a bit beyond me.

[Carus]

Hi mate*

 

I read your thread...You are in good hands...Listen to Tresqua*...They may be telling you stuff you dont want to hear or believe right now, but the advice is gold.

 

If you owe her money, just keep up the payments and dont respond to her jabs....

 

Listen mate, you are not an idiot....After five years you are connected to this girl more than you probably realise and this is why it's ripping you apart now. Everything you are feeling is totally normal and just about everyone here has been through it...

 

The withdrawals are harsh I know....

 

But you need to park it there for now and start walking ASAP! ESPECIALLY that there is another guy on the scene...

If you are there for her everytime she has a bad day, she will get her fix and then go out exploring again*

 

Being a male we want to fight for what is ours or try and 'fix' things...But in these situations, she is not 'yours' to own and the more you try and 'fix' it, the more it will break..

 

When someone wants to be away from you, the worst thing you can do is try and pull them closer...*

 

All you can do is leave her to figure out for herself what she wants. She will either live a little and come back later, or you will move on regardless to bigger and better things.

The pain is unbearable but the lessons are life changing if you take notice.

 

So dust yourself off mate and look after yourself. It can take a while for the poison to run out...but eventually it does*

 

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[just not sure]

thanks alot.

 

tresqua's just giving tough love. i know that and i appreciate it. it's like i've read here alot. it really is like someone died. in more ways than one, really. the girl i loved is gone. she's not even close to the same person. and besides that, she's out of my life now.

 

the repeated contact from her is difficult. i've told her to please not do it because it makes me feel awful to see her name or number pop up on my phone and it's not her saying i love you or making plans for us. and she won't stop. there are numerous ways for her to get in touch with me if necessary. we still have 20-something mutual friends on facebook. her mother has my cell number. there are numerous ways for her to tell me whatever it is she needs to without disrespecting my request, but she won't. and yeah i could change my phone number or block her number but that all seems so extreme. i guess desperate times...

 

it's all the little things that bother me. you know, we're both big (american) football fans & our favorite team made a big move today...and i don't get to talk to her about it. we broke up last year like a week before my birthday, and i was really hoping she'd call and wish me happy birthday. my friend apparently had talked to her and asked that she do so. she did. this year she'll be on vacation with some friends and this new guy. no happy birthday calls for me.

 

and the timing of it all sucks. she loved me and wanted to marry me when i had no plan, no prospects and weighed 315 lbs. i have a plan for my life now and it's happening quicker than i'd have thought. i'm in the best shape of my life and it's only getting better, withint 6 months i'll be a member of the US Navy (which she fully supported) with all the perks and benefits that entails...and she apparently doesnt want me anymore.

[tresqua]

the repeated contact from her is difficult. i've told her to please not do it because it makes me feel awful to see her name or number pop up on my phone and it's not her saying i love you or making plans for us. and she won't stop. there are numerous ways for her to get in touch with me if necessary. we still have 20-something mutual friends on facebook. her mother has my cell number. there are numerous ways for her to tell me whatever it is she needs to without disrespecting my request, but she won't. and yeah i could change my phone number or block her number but that all seems so extreme.

 

The repeated contact from her is painful, it's setting you back, and despite repeated requests that she stop doing it, she continues on.

 

And here you are saying "changing my phone number or blocking her number seems so extreme" and you add a bit more BS along the lines of "she can still find other ways of contacting me".

 

It's time to do something. Don't "change your number", just block hers, and her mom's number if necessary, block her on FB so you won't see any of her posts and you can't receive her messages, and tell any mutual friends who try to act as messengers that you don't want to hear anything about her and eventually you will cut off most means of contact and she will GET THE MESSAGE.

 

Seriously man you're doing nothing to help yourself here and making up one excuse after another as to why you can't.

[just not sure]

her phone number is blocked, i'm trying to find an app that will block SMS without notifying me that there's a blocked SMS, i've blocked her and all her friends who i don't also consider a personal friend on facebook and those people know that unless she's asking about me because she thinks she's made a huge mistake not to say anything about her to me. the only things she really contacts me about are money/bill related (except when she called about our dog being paralyzed, then tried to tell me that if something happened to our other dog that i care for that she'd want to know, as if she still had that right). i shouldn't have really said blocking her number was extreme as i've already done that.