He just cut me out of his life like I never mattered! Going on a date tonight :(

[BabyO]

Basically woke up crying. I really want to contact him today. It has been 31 days of NC and 40 since the break up. It is a beautiful summers day out, and I all I want to do is have him by my side and go on a picnic etc... I can't believe that he does not miss me. I can't believe that he does not think that this BU is a huge mistake. I can't believe that what we shared is so easily forgotten. If he left me for someone else then I could make sense of this all. But, just because our relationship was a LDR I can't. I can't accept that the LDR lead us to be over, that this distance caused this emotional breakdown..etc...

 

I still have stuff at this place. But, I can't even bring myself to contact him to go and get it. I don't understand why he is not calling me and asking me to pick it up?

 

I am so depresssed that I have forced myself to look for another. Joined a dating site and have a date tonight. I don't even want to go, but the H*ll if I am staying home crying agian. I am sooooooooooooooooo confused!

[AbombSnowMan]

Imo your not ready to go out on a date. It wouldn't even be fair to the new guy when your still crying over the old guy.

[blackhawks1287]

Yeah, you are doing it to not feel alone, and that is not right.

 

We know how hard things can be, but don't look for another BECAUSE you're alone and depressed.

 

Look for another because you are ready. You can actively think where things might have started going wrong...trust me...its there somewhere. Where did it start to go bad, what behavior's changed, why, when etc...We get into patterns so routine that we don't even realize how negatively it is affecting the relationship.

[nsomnia912]

/facepalm...really????? Dating????

[ForumGuy]

Don't go on the date, it is not good for anyone involved. Also, don't assume that he doesn't miss you becasue he is not contacting. He could be missing you, but not contacting out of respect and even love for you. If he "loves you, but is not in love with you", he knows that contacting you would only get your hopes up.

[holymoseph]

I'm going to actually disagree with the previous posts. Go on the date. You are no good to yourself sitting home crying. They are right, however, you are not ready to date someone else. But that doesn't mean you can't allow yourself to start the Process of moving on and enjoy someone elses company. You are not obligated to like the guy or give him a chance. Your just there to get to know one another. It may actually help you realize that there are other men out there who are nicer, more attractive etc. etc. and when you Are ready, you'll feel better about finding that someone.

 

Everyone has their baggage. For all you know this dude could be comeing off a BU too. Its all chance and risk. You miss 100% of the chances you don't take. It's worth a shot. If for nothing more than to help build your confidence again. It is always nice to get dolled up and have the attention of a man. Maybe you need that.

 

But be honest with yourself the whole time. Know that going on this date doesn't fix anything and you may feel worse when you get home. You may hate the dude and miss your ex, or you may not. But be prepared for either.

 

As for your ex, darln' he Does care. Or at least we know that he DID care. It just is/wasn't enough. And lets be honest, do you really think he is going to tell you the mixed emotions he's going through? Probably not. But that doesn't mean he isn't struggling too. It's just that it's irrelevant to your life now. Knowing this won't bring him back or change things. It may comfort you some to know he isn't 100% ok too but it won't change anything. Deep down I'm sure you know that he isn't 100% ok with it, I'm sure you Know he cares. It's the panic of the rejection that has us question it. After the dust has settled you'll see it more objectively. Hang in there. Were all here for you.

[ForumGuy]

Yes, you might get lucky. In your state of mind though, you could easily come out of the date even more depressed than you are now.

 

You are no good to yourself sitting home crying

There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to mourn a loss. It is an important part of healing.

[iBroken]

Yup - you are clearly not ready to date. And so tonight, you will put on a face and pretend that you dont need your ex. Only when your date speaks, you will analyze his words and think "Hes nothing like X!" The way he dresses, walks, talks - its all going to be an internal analysis. When you are done, you will feel even worse than before, and join the ranks of the other posters who date right after being dumped and post a thread titled something along of the lines of "No one compares to my ex!"

[ToF]

I am so depresssed that I have forced myself to look for another. Joined a dating site and have a date tonight. I don't even want to go, but the H*ll if I am staying home crying agian. I am sooooooooooooooooo confused!

 

So the attitude behind this date is great, but the actual date itself is probably not the best approach. I think it's awesome that you're trying to get out of the house and perk up a little bit ... But I think a date right now would be a disaster. I mean, read what you wrote. You are "forcing" yourself to look for "another". You don't even want to go, but you're making yourself. Why? What's the point?

 

Instead of looking for "another" to cling to for your happiness and sanity, why not cancel that date and make a date with your girlfriends? Or your family? Or even yourself?

[holymoseph]

Yes, you might get lucky. In your state of mind though, you could easily come out of the date even more depressed than you are now.

 

There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to mourn a loss. It is an important part of healing.

 

Never said there was anything wrong with mourning. But I think you have to be careful not to wallow in it. Depression is manifested when you do this. I will say I do like ToF's idea. Going out with girlfriends is probably a better idea.

 

So sorry your going through this. It will get better in time. I promise

[ForumGuy]

I will say I do like ToF's idea. Going out with girlfriends is probably a better idea.

Yes, a better idea

[BabyO]

Thank you all for your advise. But, this date tonight for me is just somthing to do.. Just something like all the other things I have been doing to get over this BU. I have no intension to hurt this man. We are just going for dinner and to see a band. It could be like a friend per say. I have no plans to flirt or kiss him etc... I just need to keep my mind busy. And it is very sad because I am not this girl. I have NEVER NEVER after a break up go look to find anyone to heal my pain. But, I have never been sooooooooooooooooo crushed like this before, last time that I felt this pain was when my dad died. Not even my divorce effected me this way. I know is my GUT this is soooooooooooooooo wrong!!!

 

It is really sad to know that he may love me, but not in love with me. With the bond we share I don't feel that is the case. I really feel in my cut that the distance and his BF getting a divorce and us not being able to buy that house we wanted because I got laid off and had to find another job further away. All these things are like major obsticales. He said like the universe is making things difficult for us right now. That maybe this is not our time, that in the future it could be our time....etc.....

 

This was his last email to me........

 

J.......What could I say. What could I possibly say to put your heart and mind at ease when I can't even get it straight in my own head. There is a constant sick feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that won't subside. It obviously wasn't supposed to end this way, and don't forget that was me with you going to look at all those houses. I know it's not fair, and it's very cruel as well, but it's better to be done now then 6 months or a year down the road. That would be even more unfair. It is best to let go as soon as possible so both people can move on quicker.

 

What we shared was REAL. It was honest, sincere, genuine, and beautiful. I didn't just wake up and decide this. I fought long and hard with my heart. How could I hurt someone I care so much about? However, it was not something that could be talked out, worked out, or fixed. Leaving was the solution. The only one as heartbreaking as it was.

 

I know this explanation is unacceptable. It answers no questions and doesn't clarify things for you. Feelings are often hard to describe, and the reasons why we feel them are even harder. I know there will be no room in your heart for me after this J, but you will always have room in mine.

[motleylou]

Just went through the same sort of thing and have the same feelings as you. Was a LDR she moved in with me for a month and then split after she cheated on me when she went home one weekend. I have the same feelings as you,we've been nc for 1 month and she has made no attempt to make contact. Like you I can't believe that she didn't see what I saw in us,she must of loved me enough to move in so how did things change so quick. 2 days before she cheated on me we just came back from a couples vacation that went great.

 

Anyway I went out on a date last weekend and it was good and bad. It reminded me ALOT of my ex because I didn't get back what I was used to. Little comments jokes that me and my ex had werent there. Maybe if it was a different girl who was more outgoing.I would of left going screw my ex this girls great,but I didn't and I ended up missing my ex so much. But on the other hand it did give me a big self confidence boost to know that girls out there still find me attractive. So it's a tough call,just try and go in with the mindset of having a fun night out. Not with the mindset of find your next partner.

[ElizabethAnn]

Healing and mending a broken heart takes time. It doesn't sound that you are ready to date again so soon after BU. Do you have family and friends you could talk to and hang out with? I know it isn't easy, try to keep yourself busy. I can honestly say I've felt this kind of pain. It does get better as time goes on.