advice/ feedback on general situation

[molfranzofith]

I wasn't entirely sure where I should put this so I figured this was as good a place as any. I'm currently at a point in my life where I'm working towards my future career goals (ie finishing college and getting applications ready for graduate programs) and realize that this is one of the most important things I can do right now in terms of establishing myself as an independent individual. Learning to drive and getting a vehicle is also on this list. Going to ask for help anywhere, I get the feeling that these are things that people will say are the things I should be concerned about and focused on at my age and I have no problem with this.

What is difficult with this situation however, is that I find it harder and harder to focus on more difficult coursework as I go forward due to problems I've been experiencing for several years, and have essentially been internalizing or brushing aside. All of these "problems" essentially stem from my inability to form and maintain relationships with other people. I could attempt to expound upon my efforts to do so, but the relevant details seem to pertain to my lack of social understanding and tact and others returning a lack of interest for their part. I will add that I am on the autism spectrum, but it doesn't particularly do much to help the situation.

When I've attempted to ask former acquaintances how to meet people or make friends, the typical responses seem to be: 1. Put yourself out there 2. Just talk to people around you. They don't seem to realize all of the difficulties that need to be negotiated. How and when can you approach someone? What do you say? How do you time responses? How do you keep the conversation going? How do you keep the other party engaged? How do you meet another person again? If you're in a group how do you know what to say, find the time to say it, and still manage to execute? How do you avoid being excluded in group conversations? There are so many things to think about that one can hardly accomplish a thing before any sort of opportunity has passed.

I'm not sure if anyone here has advice that can help for this sort of situation. All I know is that I've been stuck in my house for two months since school ended without anyone to talk to or do anything with. This isn't an unusual situation, but it becomes unbearable after awhile, especially since I can't work without a car. Thanks to anyone who patiently reads this and responds with some consideration.

[TwelveThirty]

Oh my, it's so easy to make new friends for some people that they don't know how to give good advice, right?

 

I would say that as you grow older, there are groups in which you will more naturally blend, and most often those people share your interests. Maybe that people in general would agree that you make most of your friends by doing activities, and participating in groups to your hobbies. Creating occasions to socialize also helps. Giving you just one exemple is posting an ad about creating a mountain trekking group for the week-end. It might not apply to all kind of activities but I've seen many of my given exemple.

 

Now, since you're free of any responsibility or duty during the summer, why not go out and play? Finding yourself a new hobby is all it takes to improve your physical condition and give you chances of socializing. And even if you don't make the effort on your own, you could be surprised how people like to do it on their own and how much experience they have at keeping a conversation stay long. So stay aware and just go with the flow!

 

P.S: For the car, you really don't need it. If I can give you a piece of advice: stay young and out of this as long as you can or until 25 (insurance), or get yourself a good mentor and mechanic that does your maintenance for free XD. If I can think of anything that will also be useful for later, is to do great (not average) maintenance on your bicycle (if you don't have one already, that's where you should immediately start!) and it will pay off later on when having a car.

[molfranzofith]

I certainly understand that advice. One of the ways I was hoping to get out of the rut, as it were, when I went back to school, was to start trying to meet people who enjoy games by visiting the hobby shop in town. I also thought maybe working out might help things and possibly joining some of the science clubs, but I'm not sure. Since people generally don't initiate conversations with me, and when they do, they don't do it twice, it is hard to get in there without radically changing my behavior.

Now I did say I've been stuck in the house for a couple months, but it's been because I've been waiting for paperwork to go through on a position where I can gain reseach experience. It should have gone through several weeks ago, but that's paperwork and other peoples' schedules for you. I've been trying to keep myself occupied in that time, but I suppose after all that time with my books and games, I just became restless.

The idea go out and play is a bit strange in this case. I've gone out for a walk once or twice (where I am, it is horribly hot during the day) but there aren't usually any people out save the occasional jogger, people working their lawns, or children playing. It's just sort of a suburb. Admittedly my old bike could take me further onto busy roads and to shopping centers where I can't really spend money, but it has a flat tire (not to mention it may be a child's bike--I would have to check on that) and I can't ride it anyway. I attempted to learn when I was a kid, but most of my old friends gave up teaching me pretty quickly since I have very poor balance and motor coordination.

Assuming I could get all of that going in any case, I really have no idea where to go. I've also considered your arguments regarding not using a car, but I would need to rely on public transportation in graduate school and it would also leave me, depending on where I went to school, with no choice but some sort of bus or plane trip to return home. I hope I don't seem to dismissive, I was just hoping that this would provide extra information on my overall situation. Your advice is very sound, and perhaps I may be able to make it work in this context with a few extra considerations.