Heartbroken by a hypocrite

[Mustang]

Hey everybody. I'm back. I've not posted here in years but once again, I find myself with nobody to turn to.I've been dumped and there are things that I need to vent. I'll keep it as I can.

 

I've been living with my girlfriend for a year and I love her with all of my heart. In the past few weeks, my girlfriend's behaviour has changed massively. She used to love me and do anything for me yet in recent weeks, she's treated me like absolute garbage.In our time together, I've done some stupid things but nothing huge. I've gone out after work and got drunk and not come home and I've gone a bit too far with Twitter and Facebook (no intentions, just "flirting" that meant nothing.

 

Anyway, after all my mistakes, my girlfriend would get extremely hurt and she became massively paranoid about EVERYTHING I ever did - normal things like meeting friends or going to gigs for work. She'd make terrible accusations and I'd do everything to convince her that I'm never going to cheat on her.

 

Three weeks ago, she went out with some male friends. On Sunday morning, two of them were sleeping on the living room floor. No big deal I thought. * A week later, we were trying to have sex but I have ADHD and was late for work. I couldn't focus and she got upset and angry. This has happened before. I spent all day texting her telling her that I love her and I am interested in her sexually.That night, she was at work and I went out to a gig for work (I work in the music industry). She was furious about it saying how heartless it was of me.The next night, I came home and she wasn't home. She didn't tell me where she was and ignored my texts all night. I went to bed and woke up alone. Later on that afternoon, she text me rather oddly as if nothing happened and told me she stayed at a friend's house (the same guy who stayed on the floor the week before).I was upset and hurt by this. Whenever I've gone out without her, I've always reassured her and told her what I'm doing, who I'm with, etc. Not that it has to be done but considering I've hurt her before, I'm happy to do it.I angrily called her a hypocrite and said why stay at a guy's house when she could've come home and why didn't she tell me where she was? She gave a half arsed apology that lacked emotion and said "oh he's just a friend".She didn't try and explain or put my mind at ease.

 

Then, that night, she went out again and didn't come home until the following morning. Again, no real remorse or explanation.Then she says (two days later) that her behaviour was horrible and she can't treat someone she loves that way and she wants to break up because of it. ALARM BELLS. * She's avoided me and the issue ever since and really has no consideration for my feelings whatsoever. I've jumped through hoops for her when I shouldn't and have often cancelled plans through fear of arguing with her and me being accused of cheating.Yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to go to a gig with me and she ignored the question. I later find out that she was going (with that guy) and I bumped into them at the gig. Again, she made no effort with me and ignored me all night and didn't come home.She's saying that she can't be with me because of how I've made her paranoid and insecure but I believe it's to do with this guy. I've given her the opportunity to tell me the truth but she just dismisses it half heartedly.

 

What hurts the most is how she dumped me for things I wasn't doing yet she's doing much worse now.It's 2am and she's out again. How can she be like this? I've done nothing like this and never would've done. How can she justify it?I'm now in need of a new place to stay and I've told her that when I do, we can't be friends. No reaction from her whatsoever.So, do you guys think this guy is involved and that I'm right to call her a hypocrite? * Feeling so low right now. She doesn't care. I've done nothing wrong. Yes, I've made mistakes and am in no way saying I'm an amazing boyfriend (there's a lot more to it) but what makes someone love you one minute and then rip your heart out the next?What do I do? I can't sleep. I'm wondering where she is, who she's with, why she is treating me like this, etc. * Thanks for reading.

[Oasiswater]

My take on it, put bluntly -- she's playing the field, and she's using YOUR mistakes to spin the blame on you.

[Mustang]

That's my gut feeling. Why couldn't she have just been honest rather than making me feel like I'm the bad guy? It's torture to know she's out having fun with other guys knowing full well how hurtful she's being. She doesn't care. Selfish. I did everything to make her secure when I upset her. All she's doing is upsetting me night after night.

[Oasiswater]

I've been in that situation myself.

You do something wrong and you sling yourself up on a cross to pay for your sins. You apologize and make every attempt in the book to make it better... In return? They reproduce the same bad-behavior, and expect you to be understanding, so you "know how it feels."

 

My best advice? Re-read what you wrote, and pretend that you were reading that in MY thread. How would you tell me to proceed?

[Mustang]

It's 5am and I've just been woken up by the sound of her and the guy she told me was a friend. They're now both in the living room together and I saw them. She's not come to explain herself.Why is this happening to me? How can she do this? She's lied to my face and said she was ending it because of her not because of someone else and she just tried to bring him into the bedroom.I want to die.

[Mustang]

She woke up and I tried to speak to her about it. She said she had nothing to say and then shouted abuse and insults at me saying that nothing is going on, he's just a friend, etc. She really hates me. I asked her how she thinks her actions make me feel and she replied with "Whatever. I don't care."I want to curl up and die. I hate this.

[donpeel83]

Well do you knw if anything happenend? Might it be shes trying to play mind games?

[Mustang]

Not for definite no. Although, as I say, she never saw him and now he seems to be with her regularly. Plus she stayed at his house a few weeks ago and didn't tell me anything about it. Maybe I'm assuming the worst but her behaviour towards me has changed since he came on the scene. Maybe nothing's happened but she wants it to. I don't know. Her reaction this morning was aggressive because either she's guilty or she's genuine. I don't know.

[donpeel83]

Ok, whats the situation with your living arangements? You live together I take it? Is it rented or a mortgage?

[Mustang]

We live together but neither of us pay rent as accommodation is included in her job. She's a bar manager y'see. She's been saying for months that I'm only with her for free rent which is completely not true.She wants rid of me and I have to respect that. But in London, it's going to take time to sort something. I haven't got the £1000 or so I'll need to pay up front for a start. Not her problem but I really don't know how I can move out quickly.

[donpeel83]

Do you not have family or friends you can stay with for a while? The likelyhood is is that this situation might grow to become toxic and it will do you no good to stay there.

[Mustang]

She just sent me this: "I PROMISE that there's nothing going on. I understand how it looks, but I swear that's not the case."

[Mustang]

I have lots of friends in London but none that have rooms or space available. I'm not the sort of guy that can crash anywhere, I need a stable home.

 

That said, I know that it is going to kill me having to see her every day (not to mention kill off any slight chance that she might realise what a mistake she's making) so I should try and sort something.

 

Any rich UK person want to put a guy up in a hotel for a month?

[Mustang]

I shouldn't have done it but I found her Oyster card. I checked the journey history and it tells me that she stayed at his on Thursday and Saturday night. Friday, she brought him here. And she swore and promised me that nothing is going on... Hmmm.

[blahhavefun]

Dude!.. Shes clearly with that guy and making one hell of a * * * * ty excuse for splitting up with you. It happened to me, and the girl i was with said i was paranoid and even tried to convince my friends i was, i later found out she had cheated on me and fell out with me to make herself feel better about it. We are together now but it took me not giving a * * * * and asking other girls for a drink, she found out and realised what the hell she was doing and that she lost someone who loves her for who she was. We are happy but dont ignore your gut feeling, shes playoing you for a mug. Just txt her saying. '' thanks for being so thoughful and caring about your actions, i realise now your not the same girl i first met. I love you but it seems you have changed and i need to move on, thanks for everything. Good luck with life. Blah blah... She will realise how mature your being about it all and that your confident and can easly find someone who does care, trust me, women are clever than you think.. Have fun and meet someone nice, who knows she may realise and speak to you about it. Good luck dude!