phone calls!!

[bluey]

hi i'm going out with this girl. i can speak to her fine have, convos, make her laugh but when it comes to phone calls i find it really hard. Its really annnoying. when i am on the phone to her i am kind of really nervous and speak really quick and stuff but when i see her face to face i m fine.

 

its really annying now aswell because i wont be seeing her for the next 3 weeks due to holidays. could someone give me some advice.

 

thanks

[brtlangst]

Maybe try looking at her picture while you talk to her on the phone. Listen to her voice closely so you can judge her reaction. But most of all, if you're that nervous, just tell her. I'm sure she'd be willing to help you feel more comfortable on the phone. Relationships are all about communication and talking on the phone is just another step. I'm surprised that you find it harder to talk to her on the phone than in person. Just try talking to her like you normally would, calm down, breathe and take it slow. Remember, practice makes perfect

[rjoe]

Well I cant say that I have been nervious while talking on the phone, before I call and the answer I have. For this I just try to picture walking up to them(like walking to wards them while ringing) then when the pick up I guess you could try to picture them.

Hope this helps.

[shes2smart]

Sounds to me like you're one of those people who'd rather see the person you're talking to. I dated one of those. What you may not consciously realize is you have the ability to pick up so much more information when you can see the person you're talking to (body language, facial expression, etc.) and when you get on the phone all that is gone.

 

Looking at a pic of her when you're on the phone is a good idea. If it doesn't help, then you'll have proof (for yourself) that you're collecting all kinds of non-verbal info in your interactions. That would show that you're reading her reactions in real-time...a picture isn't going to react. Understand that is a natural talent, and not everyone can do that.

 

There are a few basic ways of dealing with people - in person, on the phone & in writing....you're going to naturally be better at some than others. Accept that you're very good at being "in person" type of communicator, do what you can to improve your skills in the other areas, but don't be hard on yourself about it.

 

You can take some of the pressure off yourself by just telling her you're more comfortable talking in person, and while you will keep in touch with her over the phone, you might sound a little weird. Let her know it has nothing to do with her, and you are trying to improve in this area.

 

best of luck to you,

~s2s

[bluey]

thanks for all the replys. great help im gunna phone her in a bit i think ill try and look at her pic. thanks again

[Guy21]

Hi, I know exacly what you're talking about. I too have this weird feeling when talking on the phone with my gf (more than with other people), like some screen between us. She said at first that I'm "too formal" on the phone, but I explained to her that it wasn't half as formal as I usually talk, and that I'll try to make my self better. (don't pay attention to the way I write here, English is not my mothertongue).

 

I must agree with s2s, at least in our relationship, I can tell a great deal of what she says, or doesn't say, only from her expression, her eyes. So much of it is getting lost on the phone, that it doesn't really feel like a complete conversation....

Do you feel the same way?

[Noggy27]

I used to suffer from what my family called "Telephone Terror". When I was younger I would refuse to answer the phone and when I had to talk to someone in it I would talk like you, fast, to the point and cold.

 

I found the best way to cure this was to actually force myself to talk to lots of people on the phone. After phoning banks and post offices a millions times and shouting at them for being lazy and useless then you can feel more confident when talking to people you care about. You just need practise and before you know it you will be blabbering away like no ones business. If you can make a complaint on the phone to your local council office then you can talk to the president on the phone on the price of cheese

[jmh1216]

I'm one of those people that hates talking on the phone to anybody. The first time a girl asked me out, it was over the phone -- a real shock -- and all I could say is, "No, thanks, bye." (Not that it would have been much easier if I LIKED talking on the phone.)

 

The more you do it, the easier it becomes. That's all I can tell you... keep doing it, and you'll be fine.

[ajiane anore]

first of all i meet him through phone i fell inlove with his voice and for the long process of talking in the phone i feel that we feel inlove me too...but its to hurt for me to know that the person that i trust is the one who hurt and fooling me........well all i can say is dont trust as long as you dont see each other