sex is great with him

[unhappygirl]

I'm married and I cheat, I'm not proud of it and I didn't go out looking for someone else, that person came to me and seeked me out. I put my bf threw alot of crap and he puts up with me probably because I'm not his wife he is married too. We have such incredible sex, I've never had such great lovemaking like this.

 

I would love to be with him more but I won't ask him to leave his family for me, I wouldn't expect him to. I do love him and I know he loves me not just because he told me so, he calls me everyday and sees me every chance he can get and he says even if it's just to look at me for a moment it will satisfy him until the next time he can be with me. Mind you I never thought anything of him when I first met him, I never thought I was into him or him into me because it took him over a year to make a move and I was very reluctant at first but I am happy I gave in. I have been dead inside for many many years like so many other married people, I should of would of could of but I didn't. So now I am and if I get caught there will be a very high price to pay, I have tried breaking it off with my bf but he wouldn't let that happen. I don't sit here and think gee maybe one day he'll be all mine, I can't waste my time in fantasy land. I can however, have great memories of all we've done together and that is a treasure.

I wish I could scream out to the world how happy I finally am with this man but a part of me should feel guilty because I am cheating on my husband but somehow I don't feel guilty just mad at him for not being there for me.

[optimistic]

Hey unhappygirl..

 

Ask yourself why it is that you have to cheat on your husband. I believe the reason is because something is probably lacking in your realtionship with your husband be it sexual, emotional or communication.

 

I'm in the moment losing the most wonderful woman that ever graced my life for 4 and a half years. With this rapidly fading relationship I can say whole heartedly that I never cheated on her, I never even kissed another thoughout our time together. There are still some guys that can do that !

 

We come to this open forum to ask others in the same situation for opinions on our problems usually because we are distraught and have no one else to ask. Your thereforeeeeeee may not like what I am going to say but have a think about it as it is not meant to insult or offend you.

 

Make a decision Now! Decide where you want to be, in the marriage where you made promises to stay together for richer for poorer or get the hell out of it and make a fresh start.

 

I have learnt that a relationship has got to be worked on every day of the week to keep it alive. Believe me I have only just learnt that and if you knew how much I wished I could turn the clock back 6 months right now because I stopped working on it..... it kills me...

 

I have also learnt that life is too short to not be doing what you want to be doing, and if you can do what you want with a person you love it makes it twice as nice.

 

It may not be what you wanted but I really think you need to make some descisions and commit to them.

 

Happy Easter

[paul475]

I got some news for you, m'lady.

 

Having a sex-only relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner allows you to paint whatever goddamn picture you want and project it all over him.

 

Nothing will EVER be as satisfying as a 3D fantasy that you write, direct and produce. You are chasing the dragon in this fling and your subconscious is demanding that you pull your head out of your arse. That's why you are bothering to tell your sad and torrid tale up here in the first place.

 

You are seeing "dead people" in marriages because that is how you see the freedom and intimacy of a real relationship. It's not all neat and tidy like Disneyland when another person lets you know that they are screwed up and, by extension, so are YOU. This revelation DEMANDS that action be taken by both parties, both as a collective and as individuals. If you're seeing any "dead people" in marriages it is because each partner has located a fellow procrastinator with whom they can wallow in their miseries with. A dynamic couple will seize on opportunities for personal growth and exploration and will address all challenges head-on.

 

That is not, "dead" behavior. It is very alive and is the farthest thing from boredom that there could be.

 

What I would be concerned about is whether or not you are having a hypersexual free-for-all with multiple partners, or if you simply have two different men that you sleep with.

 

If the former is true (hypersexual, multiple partners), there is likely some pathology going on that needs to be addressed by a professional. Depression and mental illness, particularly of the life-long variety, can be so hideously painful that it twists us to do things that, over time, we can no longer justify. The momentary pleasure of orgasmic release becomes like scraps at the table of life for such folks. And the really sad thing is that they've never had anything to contrast or compare themselves to, so they don't even realize how very sad and troubled they are.

 

I don't mean to sound so judgmental, it's just that my first reaction to the kind of dishonesty you are describing is that it is just so sad I can hardly stand it. The only thing I know how to do to disspell that sadness is to get angry at the dishonesty.

 

My anger at the procrastination is a factor here, too, because I've managed to acquire a dose of hypothyroidism and I just don't have the "zip" to get things done and to address issues like I used to. I find that I can wallow in my stuff with the best of 'em. That is just so unlike who I came to know for so many years. And so your procrastination pisses me off, too.

 

Seeing one's self in others is not always an ecstatic experience; sometimes it just plain pisses you off. Get pissed off enough times for the same reason with no ability to arrive at a solution and I'll run away into the nearest fantasy phone booth, change my clothes and I become, "Fantasyman."

 

Er, ahem. Sorry to trouble you with my attempts at making light. It's another coping mechanism for that sadness thang.

[john one]

When you married your husband, was it to make YOU happy forever, for you to make HIM happy forever, or for the BOTH of you to help eachother to be happy, grow, get through rough times, etc. TOGETHER? Marriage is a team. It seems as though you have forgotten about what it means to be in a committed relationship. You are practicing and scoring points for the opposing team. You have forgotten or never known how to put yourself in your husband's shoes. This is one of the reasons for many unsuccessful relationships. You are HIGH on the attention and sexual satisfaction you are getting from the other man. It SOUNDS as though you nevery really committed to your husband, never really gave it your all to make it work. Have you attacked every problem you are having with the marriage, from every angle possible (communicating, comprimise, counseling, time, etc.)? IF you did and there's no improvement, maybe you and your husband are not right for eachother and in that case should go your separate ways, REGARDLESS of whether or not this other guy will be available or not. You almost make it sound as though it's not a huge deal because this other guy sought you out. That's just plain ridiculous if you feel that makes much difference. It's not the fact that you're cheating that makes me come to this conclusion, but the feeling I get from your writing -I think you have a lot of growing up to do (regardless of how old you may be). I feel sorry for your husband first (obvioulsy), and also for you for lacking the qualities in a person to be able to function in a healthy manner in terms of living with yourself or a partner. I hope for your's and your husband's sake, that you explore DEEPLY yourself, those around you, and the relationships you have with them, to come to the understanding that there is more to life and happiness than good sex and attention. If you find that those are the things that mean the most to you, then you really shouldn't be married and you are wasting your's and your husband's precious time on this planet. At this point, you're hurting the growth of your marriage, hurting the progress of the other guy's marriage and family life (taking energy that could go to his wife and kids), and not growing as an individual either. Do something. Please. But don't just keep your current "act". The world doesn't revolve around you, consider those around you too.

[kaliguy80]

i totally agree with john one. marriage is a team and i think u forgot that. to make it simple, wat u r doing is probably worst than a women selling her body for money. get a life and put urself in ur husband's shoes. try to feel wat he will feel. sex will die in the end but the love and feelings for someone u care about doesn't. stop being a ho be a wife that u promised u will be on the wedding day.

[unhappygirl]

Yes yes I'm a bitch and I'm here until I can get out of this marriage, I am trapped and my husband knows I feel this way, he knows my feelings have changed towards him. Sex is a very important part of any relationship and it doesn't matter when I do leave my husband that I should have a guy lined up because that won't be the reason I leave it will be for me and not for any man.

 

Yes I have lots of growing up to do, I married way to young and I would discourage anyone out there not to marry when you are 19 or even 21 maybe 22, explore first and I don';t mean sexually, I don't have a soul mate and if I end up alone I bet I'll be happier in the long run.

 

I do know what I have done is wrong and I could tell my husband what I have done but I don';t think that will help him, he won't leave me, marriage is work and I can't wait to quit it.