Troubled Self

[CGE]

Hi, during my highschool career I only hung out with a small group of people and had trouble socializing in classes in which none of those people were in. Most of the time I hung out with these people we did things I felt was not right but went along with anyways (egg houses, break windows, steal items from stores) until the end of highschool. When I went off to college I felt like I could start new and be who I wanted to be but I noticed when I met new people I had very low self- esteem and was easily persuaded to do things and almost never spoke my mind.

 

I have always had low self-esteem and have found it heard to speak my mind in most situations. I am wondering if anyone has felt this way and if they overcame their low self-esteem and how they did it. ](*,)

[Stay_home]

I've always had pretty good self-esteem about myself. But there was a time when I didn't always speak my mind and would hide behind sugar-coated wordy expressions to mask my true feelings. I used to give more political-style answers because I didn't want any confrontation to come back from giving a direct answer.

 

Now, I speak much more confidently and proud but I just use more tact in the way that I do it. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it.

[CGE]

Was there a certain point where you noticed that your started to speak your mind more? And any reasons behind it? Because this past winter I noticed I had more self-esteem and would stand up for myself better (I think is was mostly due to now being able to support myself due to getting my first job) but now I'm back down to the low point in which I just go about my day feeling kind of lifeless.

[Clint Cora]

At least you didn't get in trouble with the law. Now assuming that you are on the upswing, you can do a few things. From now on, every little success that you have, no matter how small, should be recorded. Then every month or so, review these small successes. They will remind you that you are progressing and will contribute to giving your more confidence about yourself. Then join some groups on campus that might interest you. Again participating in groups which focus on worthy activities, and I stress worthy ones, will do wonders for your self esteem. Then also start a regular fitness program if you haven't already. If you do these things, you will be doing a lot more than most people on campus for themselves and that fact alone, should make you feel much better that you are doing the right things.

[CGE]

Thank you for you insight Clint, right now I am motivating myself to go to the gym multiple times per week and am looking at clubs/organizations through my school that I can join this Fall. My self-esteem seems to be progressing (slowly) but I feel like going out and doing positive things with my time really increases my self-perception

[catfeeder]

I learned that speaking my mind is less important than than the people I select to bring into my life to speak with.

 

What's the point in speaking my mind to people who don't matter? They don't get a vote.

 

There's no point in berating yourself for not sharing parts of yourself with anyone who'd set you up to act against your own interests. Walk away from 'wrong' people and build strength to hold out for a friend who earns your respect and trust. Of course such people are rare, and that's exactly what makes them special and worth your time. Everyone else gets surface stuff. Kindness, yes, but corruption of your own values is too big a price to pay for lousy company.