Anusha Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 My guy couldnt meet with me today and I got very upsed with that.Yesterday we set that we would meet today after he left work but this morning he called me and said he couldnt make the time we had set cause one of his colegues quit work and so he had to replace him and stay a few hours more.He said we could try still meet later but then would have to be fast(he cant stay until much late because of his aunt).I said it was fine,specialy because next week we wont be able to meet much cause I will start working on monday.That will make very hard for us to meet cause the time he leave work I will be working yet and I go until around 10pm.A few hours later he calls again saying that we wont be able to meet anymore cause his aunt had just called him and asked him to pick her up at the supermarket after he leaves work.The last time we meet was on Thursday btw.But because I have no idea when we will be able to meet again(because of my work like I said),I couldnt help to get pretty upsed with all that.You think Im being sily? Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Is he scared of his aunt? Can't he meet you after he drops her home? How old is he? Link to comment
Anusha Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 Is he scared of his aunt? Can't he meet you after he drops her home? How old is he? No,she just doesnt know we are dating.She doesnt like that he dates(afraid that he will leave the house and let her with all the expenses) so he is hiding our relationship from her. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Well if the aunt has that much power over him, then he will never be able to date properly. And to answer your question, no your not being silly - it's unfortunately the circumstances that will stand in the way. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 There are some people who say the amount of things that stand in your way are a sign things were never meant to be. Then there are others who say that the obstacles and how you overcome them define the bond between two people. Which one do you feel you belong? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I don't know, but I know before in a lot of your previous posts you were giving your boyfriend grief for not talking to you while he was at work. So if this is anything like some of your last posts on that topic, then maybe you just need to find somebody who can see and talk to you as often as you would prefer. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Things happen and plans get changed, it's part of dating. If I got mad everytime my boyfriend and I had a change of plans, I would have been angry for three years. LOL Really, sometimes things happen, it's how you handle yourself that makes a difference. Show him that you are trying to change and don't get upset. Tell him you understand and you hope to see him soon. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Anusha - every single one of your threads is about the same thing - your neediness. What are you doing to work on this? Because until you get to the root of your issues, you're going to make yourself miserable with such unrealistic expectations of people. Link to comment
Anusha Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 I have been working on my issues.I changed my behaviour with him lately and he even complimented me for that.For example Im calling him way less,when we set to meet I dont call on the day to confirm anymore,I dont try to hold him longer and just let him go when he says he wants to.I have been trying really hard to improve on that.But is just when something like today happens it makes me feel like he doesnt care as much as me(and I hate that feeling cause that is how I used to feel on my last relationship too).And ok maybe that is something normal that happens and like one of you said plans get changed sometimes but is just I was so worried to make sure we would meet today and I didnt see that on him much.And it isnt like he didnt care but he had a more carefree behaviour about that like if we meet fine but if we cant we just leave it for other day like if it isnt such a big deal,you know what I mean? I dont know if the wrong one is me who cares too much or maybe the other person that cares too litle,but again I was feeling like I was caring more.You think that feeling that way over something like that is sily? Link to comment
Anusha Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Anusha - every single one of your threads is about the same thing - your neediness. What are you doing to work on this? Because until you get to the root of your issues, you're going to make yourself miserable with such unrealistic expectations of people. What you mean with unrealistic expectations of people? What exactaly you think that Im expecting that is unrealistic? Link to comment
Anusha Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 And he just said that wasnt such a problem btw and that we could still meet on my free day for example or maybe on sundays when his aunt is working.But I just will have one free day per week and he has other stuff like gym or not being able to meet on the days his aunt isnt working,so how we gona do if my free day is exactaly on one of these days? We wont be able to just move it to next day or other day like we used to do anymore.So I dont think isnt all that simple as he is saying. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 What you mean with unrealistic expectations of people? What exactaly you think that Im expecting that is unrealistic? Maybe constantly expecting him to be there for you 24/7, at your beck and call at the drop of a hat? It seems you need/want him around and to be able to answer all your excessive calls at all times, which is impossible and unrealistic. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 While it is a small step in the right direction you are mainly focusing on changing the symptoms, but not investing into learning what the underlying cause is for your insecurity and fear. It is unrealistic to expect someone else always to anticipate when you are going to be insecure and when your anxiety kicks in nor to accommodate you to alleviate those feelings. You should also be at a point where you realize it doesn't matter if you don't see him for a date, since you will be seeing him at the next opportune moment. The world will not end nor does it mean that he doesn't like you anymore because once he can't see you. Link to comment
Anusha Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Maybe constantly expecting him to be there for you 24/7, at your beck and call at the drop of a hat? It seems you need/want him around and to be able to answer all your excessive calls at all times, which is impossible and unrealistic. I just wanted he had meet me today like we had set up to do. Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I don't have to read more than the title to answer with 99.99% confidence that yes, you are being silly. Babies go through a stage where the parents have to let them cry in order to help them gain the ability to soothe themselves and fall asleep. This is similar to what you need to do. You need to teach yourself to cope instead of getting worked up into a frenzy of insecurity about every.single.thing. In reality, what do you think functional relationships are like? Do you think it is two people in constant communication who freak out when they feel the littlest bit uncertain and the other partner rushes in to reassure them? That simply doesn't happen. You are in a relationship that is imperfect, you are with someone who operates differently than you, and you cannot keep trying to control things. Go with the flow. This guy has proven that he is a good guy, and perhaps a saint to have stuck with this relationship. He even noticed that you were settling down and contacting him less and complimented you about it. So what do you think you should do? Do you think you should continue making progress or would you perhaps like to backtrack and have regular freak outs? Which is it? You can control whether you do one or the other. I think if you get in the habit of not reacting to small things and learn how to calm yourself down, eventually that will be how you operate. Practice makes perfect. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I just wanted he had meet me today like we had set up to do. I understand that. I was talking about how you are generally in the relationship (very insecure/needy always calling him etc). It was that which is unrealistic expectations. Link to comment
Anusha Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 I apreciate the coments and Im definaly thinking about all that is being said but the thing I cant change(and I really wish I could) is that feeling of not being reciprocated.I dont want to feel not cared for or rejected when something like that happens anymore.But how do I do that? How to know when Im really being neglected and when Im just feeling that way because of my insecurities? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I dont know if the wrong one is me who cares too much or maybe the other person that cares too litle,but again I was feeling like I was caring more.You think that feeling that way over something like that is sily? I think your whole perspective is really off here. It's simply not healthy to spin this around that you're like this because you care too much. You're like this because you're obsessive, possessive, needy, and insecure. It's like you feel that if someone is up your heinie 24/7 or available to you constantly, then it's a sign they're pulling away or that you're giving too much. Not the case. You are unrealistic in that you seem to think a healthy relationship involves smothering. Link to comment
Anusha Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Ok maybe I have a twisted notion of what is realistic in a relationship and what isnt.But lets say that you dont know when you will be able to meet your guy next so isnt normal to expect/want to meet as maximum as you can now? If it was like the last weeks where I could meet him pretty much any day that wouldnt be such a big deal but now is diferent. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Ok maybe I have a twisted notion of what is realistic in a relationship and what isnt.But lets say that you dont know when you will be able to meet your guy next so isnt normal to expect/want to meet as maximum as you can now? If it was like the last weeks where I could meet him pretty much any day that wouldnt be such a big deal but now is diferent. No - you're still being excessively needy. Men fall in love in the spaces when you're apart from them. They like the time to miss us, appreciate us, etc. You're just so darned insecure, you feel that smothering a guy and being with him every minute is going to make him love you more or stick around. The opposite is actually the truth. Link to comment
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