I don't understand shy people. They frustrate me with their games.

[Knight of Hope]

As a formerly shy guy, a little bit of insight.

 

I'm a good-looking guy (above average I think), intelligent (2 years from being a dentist!), respectful, thoughtful, and kind. I'll be a good father and husband someday, and my career will mean my family won't have to worry about money. I had all these things, which one might think would add up to a successful dating life, and yet I had never dated anyone by the age of 23. So why not?

 

A lot of it came down to one simple question - "What if she says no?" Simple, yet debilitating, even to the best of us. To some of us, that question can be absolutely paralyzing. Anyway, add to that overthinking (Why would such a good guy not have been able to get a girl yet?) and a general lack of confidence in myself in the dating realm, and right there you have a recipe for "bad luck" in dating. Maybe this guy has some of that going on? Hard to tell, but maybe this insight into the psychology of a shy guy might be of some use.

[OrangeSlice]

If you like hm and you know he likes you and you want to go out with him but he is not asking you, then the only logical answer would be to ask him out. There is often more than one solution to accomplish and objective.

[SA_Guy99]

Shy guys don't play games. Period. We don't know how to!

[sidehop]

Never said shy people were lower than me.

 

Just don't understand that level of insecurity and how someone could be comfortable such a debilitating force. A force that is changeable. Shyness is an irrational fear. It's a mind game in itself.

 

It's not a mind game; most shy guys (and shy girls) a lot of times have similar backgrounds and upbringing.

 

Their association with females is much like trying to please their mothers; fathers for girls. It's really a boundary issue and not able to bring themselves ahead of others as they only learned to find happiness through others.

 

So they will look shy, timid and without confidence while at the same time it's not something they can't break out of either. It's difficult for them of course until they practice and learn to conquer that fear. Some are worse than others but when you meet shy people, it's something to really consider. They especially will act awkward with people who they want to please; aka attractive women or someone they are interested in.

[Stay_home]

You criticize him for not making an effort to talk to you, but yet you aren't willing to do the same either? That sounds like you are being shy to me. And some people are just naturally more introverted than others, it's not something you can just turn on and off like a light switch.

 

In my much more shy days, I met a woman who was so interested and wanted to get to know me. I was shy because although she liked me and I liked her, I wasn't as confident in myself. Her approach to my shyness was to criticize, point her finger at me and label me as having a problem or social issue. Whether or not that's true is beside the point, but the extra critical crap didn't exactly help me to feel more confident about talking to her or asking her out. Infact, I actually lost interest in her and stop talking to her because of it. Had she taken her time and got to know me better and gave me a little time to warm up to her, I'm sure I would've opened up. But similiar to your thoughts about shy people, she didn't understand that and wanted it to happen right here and right now. But it doesn't work like that. My reason for being shy was due to a confidence issue, not within myself personally I'd like to add, but primarily in dating. I haven't always had the greatest luck meeting women. And after a long string of hard luck relationships, women moving away or just not being interested in you because you're the "nice guy", well, that does something to your confidence at some point.

 

So what I would suggest (I don't know this guy's history) but I would suggest that if you really like this cat, your show him that you like him and that you're not just any other woman. Show him that you're genuinely interested in him and that you want to really get to know him. That may mean that yes you will have to step out of YOUR box where you've been comfortable for so long and just take the steering lever and fly the plane. We can't have two scared pilots, somebody has to fly the plane and so it's going to be you. If you're the strong one, then fly the plane.

 

You have to understand how shy people work. Sooner or later if you continue to work with him, he may began to think. "Damn, she sure does like me. She's always going out of her way to speak to me. Check on me, ask me about my day, maybe she really does like me." Shy people are not stupid, let's not forget. They just need to know that you really like them before they take any kind of risk and make any moves. They don't take rejection very well.