stronger4432 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Well me and my gf have been together over two years long distance and she was coming to live by me for college in August. Over the last few weeks though she has said the same feelings arent there and basically told me the spark is gone and she fell out of love with me. However she hasnt really officially let me go i dont think. She texted me last night saying shes sad and crying and she doesnt understand how she was so in love with me and how it just went away. I told her im sorry i didnt make her a priority in my life and i would never make that mistake again and she said she gave me so many warnings and i never fixed it. I dont know what to do now i feel like she is holding out hoping the feelings come back for her like she does still want this but she cant get herself to. Is NC in my situation still the best action if i want to make this up to her and try to get the attraction back? Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Girls and their precious spark... Smarter girls know the spark only lasts for a short period of time. Regardless of who they are with. Be bouncing in and out of relationships like a rabbit if they go chasing the 'all mighty spark'. Link to comment
curious987 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Well maybe you guys need to spend some time together, go on dates, be physically close. Do all the stuff you were doing when she had the 'spark'. I do agree with mouseno4. The spark isn't always there. Just because feelings change, doesn't mean it's falling out of love. You've been together for a while. It's a fact that the 'in love', or 'spark' only last 6-12 months, then you kinda start to love them in a different way. You reach a level of comfort and security. They are like your bestfriend...but it's not a regular friendship because you two will still feel that extra something. Realizing this takes maturity. Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 I sent her a long heartfelt email this morning and all she did was email me back a sad face. Why is she trying so hard to get over me Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 What does it mean when you ask a girl if we are still together and she says "im not sure" Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Well i have started feeling better the last couple days. Since I started NC about 3 days ago the first couple days she tried saying hi a couple times and late at night sent some sad faces and has said please talk to me a couple times. When i asked her if we are together before starting NC she said shes not sure. I then asked ok do you want to try and start slow again communicating better and build back up or disconnect and give each other space she said "idk" So i made the choice and said ok i will give you space then. Then the next couple days i got those messages and then yesterday didnt hear anything from her. Still says in a relationship with me on facebook and still has our pic as profile pic (since thats so important lol) Link to comment
Dlar Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Well at least she's still trying to talk to you, which suggests there's still something there mate, stay NC for a little longer, and then see if she come's back with more messages. Maybe leave it another week and drop her a text, email, phone call just to see if she knows what's happening with you two. Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Ya i guess so. She hasnt tried texting for a day and a half now though but said happy bday to my gma on facebook and liked one of my statuses today even though we are supposed to have space from each other. Does she not understand what space means? Idk what exactly she is holding out for I mean its a long distance relationship so our daily lives and activities are the same except now were just not texting basically. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Stronger, Listen carefully.... Space means I need time and distance away from you in ANY form....including email and facebook (which is the devil). If she needs "space" ..give her allllll the space she needs. The more you try to communicate...the more you push her away. Stop it before it's too late. She needs to know what it's like without you. How can she do this with you always asking questions? If she doesn't want to move or communicate ....even if it is a sad face, do what you can to stop throwing salt on YOUR open wound. What happens when you hold on to anything to tightly? You either break it or it slips right out of your hands. You have been warned. the way to demonstrate love is to give her exactly what it is she is asking for....time and distance away from you. Only she knows why...be patient. Take care, SuperDave71 Link to comment
askltk Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Spot on advice. Communication pushes, rather than Pulls Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Ya i agree. Im actually the one who said space because she doesnt know what she wants. Last we talked when i asked if were together she said shes not sure and when i asked if she wanted to have space from each other she said she didnt know. So I made that decision for her. I miss her but she made it clear that she didnt seem to have feelings for me anymore so in that case until she misses me and decides to try again she isnt worth my time. The only thing im kinda dwelling on is she is coming to my college in the fall and we had so many plans to make up for all the lost time because we were in a long distance relationship but now being there while she is there but not talking will be tough. I have a feeling though she will look me up Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Remember... She owes you nothing and you owe her nothing despite "plans" made. Words are only words if there are no actions behind them. Be careful...to think you are the only one in her eyes is very foolish indeed. Tread lightly my friend. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Well after two days of not talking she asks me a question over text about a class she is taking at the college were attending in the fall. Do i just ignore this and remain nc? I think she needs to realize this is what she wanted and that means i wont be there for her anymore. Link to comment
Dlar Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I would ignore it... It sounds like a way of getting you to talk to her. Ignore it and let her chase more, let her realise what she wants Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Ya and then she sent some more texts after that one saying ignoring isnt nice and just my name lol. Well we will see what we see i guess thank you to whoever is following along and for the advice so far. Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I need some advice asap....So first off ive been NC for 2 days and she texted me today and ended up sending me a text though saying how immature im being by ignoring and i cant ignore unless were broken up. Ok sure seemed like a breakup to me. Then she ends up sending a lot of messages which amounted to if you had just talked to me and not ignored me we would probably be able to try and fix things now but you being immature and not responding made me realize how much of a jerk i am and now doesnt want to. Then she said i should have talked to see if this is what she wants or not? Lol my responses basically all amounted to i tried but this is what you wanted you should have been more clear and im not playing these games. Then she said ok so were breaking up ok? I said w/e you want. Then she said stop saying that what do you want? Then i said for her to come here and go to a restaurant with me because im hungry lol trying to tone things down. Havent heard anything since. She is just playing me? Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 It's up to you whether you respond. Tell her that you were giving her the space that she asked for, and that she either wants to be with you or she doesn't. It sounds like she wants to play a game with you so be as straight as possible and if SHE initiates a break up, say "fine, whatever you want" and then that's it then go NC. Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Ya i guess so the problem is i feel as if we are broken up so NC is best for me right now but its making me feel bad when she talks like that because i know even though its probably not true that i had a chance with her if i would just talk and be normal with her instead of nc. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 But these games of her asking for space then trying to act normal again are not ok in the first place. They are childish. If you submit to her and act like nothing is wrong, then you can get her back? That's wrong AND she will know that she calls the shots and is allowed to blow hot and cold on you until you give in. If you do contact her, don't do it from a place of trying to smooth things over - have an adult conversation and TELL her that you are not going to be with someone that blows hot and cold. She wanted space and you gave it to her and you don't appreciate being threatened being dumped after you gave her space. It sounds like one big power struggle though. Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Ok so next time she texts me when she is more level headed than today i need to tell her she needs to decide whether to stay or not? Last time i asked that though she said "idk" So what do i say to that? Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 If she says "idk" then say, "well, I'm going to assume that means 'no' so if you do ever want to talk about reconciliation, then you know how to find me. Otherwise I'd appreciate space so that I can move on. Thanks." However, usually, "I don't know" means "no". So it's safe to assume that you two are broken up. So you can send her that above message, remove her from facebook then change your privacy settings, and then stop all contact. It is NOT to punish her or to get her back. It is so that she understands that if she doesn't want to be with you, then she doesn't deserve to be in contact with you. It is for YOU so that you heal from someone that has chosen not to be with you. Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Ya i understand thank you for the help this has been going on for a few weeks so ive kinda expected it and i still have my ups and downs and im feeling better about it but im sure there will still be a lot of down as well. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 You're welcome. Keep this thread updated. You will feel relieved because you are putting an end to this limbo and taking charge of your life. NC is tough, but it will make you stronger and your self esteem will come back. Take a read of this thread too - Link to comment
stronger4432 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Well I played this stupid limbo thing and thought maybe we still had something because she was stringing me along finally today she said she just wants to be friends and she is so much happier single and all. She was asking me if i had a new gf yet last night though and asked me if i had been on any dates. Then the hurtful last text of "I do love you. Have a nice life and i will always be here for you" I am heartbroken and it sucks really bad because i was stuck thinking she would come back Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Well, at least you have the truth now so that you can move on. Don't settle for being friends when you want more. She is actually saying "I will always be here for you... but only as a friend." So remember that before contacting her. Link to comment
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