rjm102 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago after being together for over 2 years because we were having a lot of arguments over stupid things. she always was sooo in love with me and i think i took that for granted. I didn't know what i had until it was gone. After we broke up she hung out a lot with her girlfriends and went on vacation and stuff like that with them. I used the no contact rule for a month and it worked very well. A couple weeks ago she called me to hang out, which we did. We had lots of sex in one night, she told me how much she missed me, and that she is and was always still in love with me. after that she went away to florida with her girlfriends again for a week. She's been calling me basically everyday to see what i'm up to, asking if i've been with any other girls, and basically keeps checking up on me. But every time i ask her if she wants to hang out, she says she's too busy working or going out with her friends. It seems like she would rather go out with her friends than hang out with me now. I haven't been calling her like crazy or anything like that. She keeps calling me, tells me that she misses me but she doesn't put time aside to hang out with me. Any suggestions on what to say or do the next time she calls me? Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Don't accept her calls until about the third one in. When she asks why you ignored the calls? You were busy working/doing persoanl interests. Start distancing yourself from her, she has you whenever she wants. She calls, you answer. She wants to hang out, you hang out. She wants to talk, you talk. She's using you for emotional support. Honestly I've seen this happen before a ton of times between my friends and I. It's hard to get out of but she's holding you on the back burner until something better comes along. Don't allow her to do this. Gain that self-respect and distance yourself for your own sake. Why? 1.) She's sending you mixed signals and holding you back. 2.) You can do better than her. Don't let her control you or your emotions. Link to comment
sidehop Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 It's almost like she's using you for the emotional side of things while having fun where who knows what she's doing. If you're not the priority why even bother you know? I understand she's your ex but she's also not being fair to you either by confusing you this way. If she can't be clear what her intentions are then I'd seize all contact. Otherwise she'll drag you into her own little world. Link to comment
rjm102 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 ok...are you 100 percent sure about this ? because we were supposed to hang out last night which would of been our anniversary but she called me and said" happy anniversary baby!, i have to work late tonight and early tomorrow so i can't promise you that i can hang out tonight" .....so then i said ok, give me a call when you get out which she never did....but i know she's gonna call me tonight when she gets out. what if she wants to hang out tonight tho? so should i still def. ignore the next 3 calls? FYI: i know there's not another guy in the picture, i think she's just immature....she's 21 and i'm 24 Link to comment
rjm102 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 and what exactly do you think i should say when i finally do talk to her to see how she truly feels about me/us? All i want to know is the truth instead of playing her little high school kiddie games Link to comment
sweetcupcakes Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Ask her if she wants to get back together. If her answer is not "yes", then you will know where she stands. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 You are being Naive. How you can you possibly know there is not another guy in the picture? The first poster gave you great advice. I would follow it to a T. Either that or go back to NC and try to move on. She even validated exactly what he was saying be canceling yet more plans with you. She has you wrapped around her finger right now and she knows it. All you are doing is giving her a tremendous ego boost. Eventually she will leave you in the dust when she finds someone who she is really interested in. Link to comment
rjm102 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 ok... so do you think i should still ignore the first couple calls from her first or next time she calls , pick up and ask her if she wants to get back together? Link to comment
sweetcupcakes Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Just be honest about what you want with her, and then listen to what she has to say. You don't have to play games with "only answering every 3rd call" IMO. Even if you end up getting her from that, I don't see your relationship having any staying power if you aren't open and honest with each other. You deserve someone who wants to be with you because they want to be with you and they show you that they do. Good luck! (I know how this feels, believe me) Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I wouldn't play games either. The next time she calls tell her straight up that staying in contact while you two are not in a relationship is not working for you - and that unless she wants to reconcile, she needs to leave you alone. Then ignore every call, and every meaningless text. By the way, I miss you and I love you texts are meaningless. Link to comment
whysoalone Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Playing games is just meaningless, and you'll sit back eventually and go "Why did I do this and this and THIS". I have input! basically, I'd do what the above say, be straight up about it. Don't play games with her, it's just playing to her hand. Don't waste time on something that might not be! You're better off just finding out now, rather than later. Think of the time you've wasted that could be used to move on? Link to comment
rjm102 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 She called me tonight and said she missed me and asked if i got with any girls over the weekend. And i basically asked her how she feels about me and us and if she wants to get back together and make things right or just move on and she said she wants to take things slow and see what happens then asked me if i wanted to hang out one day during the week when she has a day off of work....any suggestions? thoughts? Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 She called me tonight and said she missed me and asked if i got with any girls over the weekend. And i basically asked her how she feels about me and us and if she wants to get back together and make things right or just move on and she said she wants to take things slow and see what happens then asked me if i wanted to hang out one day during the week when she has a day off of work....any suggestions? thoughts? That is when you should have asked what "taking things slow" meant. It's like you are too afraid to ask what your status is and what the future holds. But she is just some girl. You need to find your masculinity within and stop being afraid of her. Perhaps you should call her up and say "I've been thinking... what do you mean by "taking things slow? Because if you would like to be in a relationship and or to meet up to talk about us, I would be willing to do that. If not, then I'd like to just cut things off here so that I can move on. That also includes being in contact at all, and you asking me about my dating life and telling me that you miss me if we are not in a relationship." It sounds like she is getting a big ego boost out of it, to me. Be direct with her. She's already dumped you and still has one hand on you. You have a right to know what her intentions are. Link to comment
Oasiswater Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 She called me tonight and said she missed me and asked if i got with any girls over the weekend. And i basically asked her how she feels about me and us and if she wants to get back together and make things right or just move on and she said she wants to take things slow and see what happens then asked me if i wanted to hang out one day during the week when she has a day off of work....any suggestions? thoughts? Dude? Reading your post made me feel like I was reading one of mine. And you know what? Looking at it from the outside, I'd tell you to run, and don't look back... which is exactly what I did last night. This girl is calling you and texting you, and doing the BARE MINIMUM to keep you interested. She knows she has you whenever she wants you, and doesn't respect you enough to uphold plans with you. Trust me, and believe everyone else in this thread, no matter how "different" you think your situation might be. She's holding you on the back burner and keeping you interested while she plays the field. It's not fair, and it's not right. Have some respect for yourself and get out of that half-assed relationship. She most likely WILL dump you when something better comes along... Notice how nothing's concrete? I bet you when something DOES happen, she's going to say, "But rjm102, we weren't together. You can't do that to me, we weren't in a relationship." She specifically will NOT apply a label to your "Relationship," because she doesn't want to be in one. Besides, labels don't ever prevent infidelity. Who knows... maybe that one day when she asks, "have you been with any girls?" and you finally say "Yes," she'll say, "Good I hooked up with two guys and didn't want to feel bad." Don't walk away from this one, RUN. Link to comment
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