feeling a whole bunch of emotions at once

[ferna3069]

well its been three months and a half since the break up and two and a half since we finally stopped talking regularly. this is more of a venting thread.right now im feeling all kinds of emotions.as many of you know my ex found this site. she told her mom and her mom called me not four times like i thought but ten times in two days. my brother had the phone the other times that they called and he told me about it. well at this moment im thinking why in the world would she tell her mom about it?and why would her mom get in it to begin with? i know its her mom but i never had any one call her to tell her off. then her mom answers a question on my fake yahoo account saying things that never happened. i get mad and send an email telling her to get her facts straight. i was thinking to myself that my ex was saying things that never happened. well after i send the email my ex calls me two times i call to see what she wanted because i had enough. well she starts getting mad saying that she never bad mouthed me. how in the world did she not bad mouth me when i as on th ephone with her friend when she told her friend that i cuddled with her when she did not want me to. and to beging with my ex never once told me she felt uncomfterable. my ex was teling her friend other things that only me and her knew. she got mad because i said everything on here.

 

 

she said i made her look like a heartless * * * * * . im not saying shes a heartless * * * * * but how does she think i felt been on the other side ?. im not saying i was perfect because i know there was times i was a jerk . i just dont get why she had to be so selfish and get mad at me for doing the same. how is it right that she can vent to whoerever she wants and when i come online because i dont want to get my family involed then im the worst person ever. she said she never bad mouthed me but when i read what she posted on her myspace saying that i started drama. it wasnt only me responsible for that drama it was her. the second she decided to freak out on me and say she was scared of the world and saying she doesnt feel comfterable in her own skin is the second she scared the crap out of me. i had no clue what to do. she was abused as a kid and not only that but when we where cuddling and she heard her mom wake up she seriosly ran to her mom screaming i need my momy. i never once seen any one act like this. and her getting on her kneace beggining me not to go. what was i suppose to do? i thought something was compltly wrong.i did see her act like this before and the last time i saw her freak out like this she was talking about suicide. so yeah i told her mom who did not know about her childhood because all i wanted was for her to get help. i wasnt trying to start drama.

 

she said that im lying about alot of things on here and that she did not use me because she cried for weeks about it. well i have news for the people that got used you can care for some one and still use them. she laughed at me saying that she never pressured me into sex. well her making me feel guilty if anything happened then screaming if nothing happened is pressuring to me. after i told her i had enough she makes me feel guilty about it telling me that she doeanst feel like i love her or she doesnt feel like shes beutiful.i know she needs a therapist. and no i did not get mad at her because she needed a therapist but because i dont like been screamed at i dont like feelign guilty.i still remember when her mom called after the break up. yeah honestly i wanted to talk to her to tell her why i told her what i did . all she does is tell me off on things my ex never even told me botherd her. when the break up first happened i whent into a freaken depression .i remember just walking around the airports for 24 hours when it should of just tooken 4 hours. i still remember walking back and forth because i felt like i was a monster i felt like i was a terrible person. i came here to ena and people got me out of my depression. i know i mest up i know that. im starting to regret healing on here. i never ment to ruin any ones life. i thought that what i said was for the best. im angry im sad. im full of emotions. i gave this girl everything she ever wanted . i was there for her. i helped her out threw the worst of times. i wasnt expectin her to get back with me but i wasnt expecting her to treat me like im a terrible person. im starting to feel like everything im saying is just a way to cover myself from seen the person i am. i dont want to feel like im a bad person.

 

and for the people that say yeah right on wanting to not get with her and look at my signature. go find something better to do im not in the mood. i been helping people out because i dont want to feel like all i do is couse pain.

[slammin16]

Listen.... A LOT of this is your ego talking. Why do you care soooo much on how she feels or thinks about you?? why?? She is your ex girlfriend for a reason Ferna. Don't let her bring you down when you know you are a good person. You vented on a forum, BIG DEAL.. guess what?? she broke your heart. If you ask me that is ten times worse then saying a couple of hurtful things on the internet. Forget getting into so much detail. You feel like a bad person because she and her mom are mad at you. Not all relationships end smoothly.. for that matter kNOW relationships end smoothly. You have to look past your ego because that is the only thing that is blocking you from truly moving on. You have to stop caring of what they think of you.

[ferna3069]

yeah. thats the thing i been trying to stop caring i been telling myself i cant regret for venting on here because it got me out of depression but then its like did i do the right thing did i not. i never hit my ex , i wasnt controling i never called her a whole bunch of names like her mom said i did. why would her mom make up things that arnt true u know. sorry i just need to vent

[iBroken]

How old are you guys?

[ferna3069]

im 21 shes 23 and i deleted her of everything incase any ones wondering

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Ferna. I hope you will start dating again soon. I really think you should.

[ferna3069]

thanks silver. i want to start dating agian but i dont think its a good idea just yet

[iBroken]

thanks silver. i want to start dating agian but i dont think its a good idea just yet

 

Thats a very smart thing for you to do......