Remaining friends - is it possible?

[dsa]

I wanted to throw a recent experience of mine out there for discussion. Last spring I met a woman that seemed like a great match for me. We were initially attracted to each other, but we were long distance so we could only see each other every few weeks. Things seemed to go well for about a month. I then made a mistake in not showing enough passion for her (not that I didn't feel it, I just wanted to take it slowly). She concluded that I was uncomfortable with my sexuality and decided she couldn't "take the next step" in the relationship. I strongly feel she's made a lot of judgements about me on very little knowledge, but of course she's convinced that she is correct in her assessments. She wanted to remain friends and went so far as to tell me that "I can't say that you wouldn't be right for me at some point". I've never remained friends with anyone that broke up with me; I always felt that I'd be fooling myself and hoping that they'd come to their senses. I expressed that to her and I thought that was that.

 

An hour later she calls back and said she was sad about the whole thing. I played hardball and told her she'd made a mistake with me. She said she was still planning on coming to my location (we'd had plans for the weekend and she was to visit other friends). I told her to have a good time, and she became frustrated and we ended the conversation.

 

24 hours later she calls again. We talk for about 10 minutes but I don't give her much in terms of conversation. I reiterate that she made a mistake. She defends her position but again says she can't be sure I'm wouldn't be the right guy at some time.

 

Two days later she calls again on my birthday. The conversation starts off the same but quickly turns sour. I start feeling insulted at some of the things she is saying (she had also been out with girlfriends and had a couple of drinks). I got angry and expressed that fact that I didn't appreciate some of things she was saying. She giggled (due to the alcohol, maybe?) and it went downhill fast. It ended when I said "You can call back when you sober up" and slammed the phone down.

 

A few days later a left a message apologizing for hanging up on her but defended my reasons for my anger. I meant to leave the door open for future conversation but may not have made that clear to her. There has been no reply (it has been four weeks), and I haven't initiated any contact either. Part of me would like to remain friends (which she clearly wanted to do); I do think she's worth keeping in my life in some way. On the other hand, I can't deny I want her to change her mind about me. I've come close to calling and saying "Look, I'd like to have things such that we could communicate if we'd like to", but haven't done so yet.

 

For what it is worth, she is 34 years old and I'm a few years older. Thanks in advance for your advice.

[skeeter]

DSA.........you have done nothing wrong here........but do yourself a real big favor...continue with your path in moving on from here.... don't initiate the friendship to continue at this point. If it is meant to be it will be.

 

I believe a relationship takes time to establish itself.... but you seem to have found it bumpy in such short time... Usually relationships start with fireworks...to keep the fireworks going is purely communication.

 

If communication fails this early in a relationship whether just friends or more then that then it's just not worth the trouble in life. You will lose your self esteem over it if you don't just move on and forget it all.

 

I also believe you will realize when the right woman enters your life for it is so overwhelmingly enjoyable that no matter what disagreements come to the surface there is always a way to clear them up with the right partner.

 

I find most people aren't so honest with each other when they first get involved and in time alot of hidden things surface that cause problems.

 

To really get to know someone well is to clearly tell them what your expectations are in life as a companion and you will see for yourself what their likes and dislikes are very quickly.

 

To be trapped by falling in love before you actually know your partner real well is definitely common and for the most part very destructive.

 

Can you go out and meet a woman and tell her from the get go you like a woman to be "A LADY IN THE STREET" and a "FREAK IN THE BED" LOL maybe sounds disrespectful but ya know what....If you really want that of a woman and you wait until you have both fallen in love with each other to tell her this then this is a pure example of "Trapped by Love"

[Just A Teen]

Yes its possible,

but usually it doesn't work out very good, and things will never be the same.... Out of all my ex's theres only one i talk to, and i can never really talk to her or look her in the eyes.... So i dont know man it all depends on the kind of women she was and how long the relationship was...And if it was a really close close relationship i doubt it sol...but dont give up try to make it work but sometimes they won't..... DONT GIVE UP its good to have a friend thats an ex...