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Help!waiting for her to decide to be back or go with another


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After having been going out with my girlfriend for almost two years, out of the blue she met an old friend she felt atracted for in the past, and now she is confused, she is thinking to dump me for this guy. I am 8 years older than her, and sometimes she accused me of manipulating her, so now I don´t want to interfere, I am applying the no contact rule (it happened only three days ago and it is painful not beeing able to talk to her). We both live away from home, and she needs to decide whether she wants to stay here with me or go back home and have the chance of reaching something with this guy.

 

I think she is not sure whether she really loves me or she just needs me and feel a bit lonely so far from home and thereforeeee she needs me, but without love. I don´t know what to do, because normally the no contact rule is applied when one is dumped by their girlfriend/boyfriend, but in this case I am just waiting for her to make up her mind. I don´t want to interfere, but I wonder if this other guy is talking to her and interfering with her feelings, which is not fair.

 

I am crazy about her, I have always been but now that we are apart I feel even more strongly about her. Basically, I would be grateful if you could share similar experiences with me and tell me how you think I should proceed... shall I try to talk to her, just wait????

 

Thanks a lot.

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Well, I can say what not to do. Don't try and negotiate. Don't try and "buy" her love, ie gifts, expensive dinners, etc. Just be yourself. In this situation, I would maintain contact. But be the person that she was first attracted to, not someone who is insecure about losing her. This will entail you taking the attitude that you will be okay if you do lose her.

 

Good luck!

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Thanks for your advice.

 

I was supposed to accompany her on a long trip she has to do to exchange he car. Then after our NC decision, I though she would have to do it on her own.

 

But now I am thinking of sending an email offering myself to accompany anyway without talking about the issues if she doesn´t want to talk about them.

 

However, still not sure whether I should leave her alone until she contacts me, but then that might be too late...

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Ok, I just went through this and made the decision to walk away, just about 4 hours ago.

 

Let me first say, I am crazy in love with this girl, much like you are yours. But he pain of not knowing was just too great. How can you sit there and wait, while the love of your life is confused? It hurts, doesnt it?

 

Well this is what I did, I told her that I loved her, that I wanted to be with her, but I wanted her to be totally concentrating on me. If she chose to break us off, then I'll get over it. But, that I needed space and no contact until she did. THIS was very hard for me to understand. But right now is definatly not the time to be needy by staying in contact.

 

I suggest just telling her flat out how you feel about her and then back off and let her make the decision. If she wants you, she'll come back when her minds made up. If she doesnt, at least you said what you wanted and you have closure.

 

So far this is working for me, I even decided to take a little road trip to the coast to get my mind off it all.

 

Hope I helped a bit, I sure know that I feel better.

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I have a Question for the poster.

 

What happens is she Does take this new guy, and it doesn't work out with them early on, would you even be willing to accept her again as a G/f, I guess what I'm trying to get at is would you be a "rebound"

 

Does she perceive that in her mind> that your always going to be around, have you asked her, Explained this to her, that your going to wait around for her if she does decide to break things off early, or late with this other guy?

 

maybe thats what needs to be said, put out in the open.

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I wouldn't put myself into the position of a "safety net" because that means that she can just fall back on you anytime things get tough and then just jump right back into it whenever she felt like it because she'd know there was always someone there to catch her fall. Its not fair to you and I think it would really break your heart......at least it would really break mine. Personally I think the NC rule should apply until she decides what she feels.

 

If you would still like to be friends with her even if she picks another man then i'm not sure how that would work out. I really wouldn't want to hear her complaints about another man or how great he is. I don't handle things like that too well...

 

I think the end of a relationship is like this......if a girl decides that she wants to be with someone else then she doesn't get the benefits that went along with being my girlfriend but I would at least try to develop the benefits of being a friend when I could handle the situation (probably after NC for awhile).

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All I have told her is that we should wait until she makes up her mind about the two of us, and I am not sure if she would see me as a "rebound", she probably thinks that if she stops it now, then that's it, it's over with me.

 

My honest feeling is that if things don't work out with this guy early on, then I would be happy to take her back because I love her. However, I that happened I would feel that she is not commited to me 100% and the same thing could happen again, so I am not sure whether it would work out.

 

On the other hand, if she decides to go with this other guy I would like to remain her friend but keeping some distance.

 

I will keep the NC rule until she decides what to do, although she may be talking to this other guy in the meantime, and I am worried that she may think now this other guy cares for her and asks her how it goes while she sees me as completely ignoring her.

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