May lose my job, and can't afford to keep him here any more ..

[Kalika]

I have posted about this problem a while ago but it is more serious. After several meetings with my supervisor and HER boss, I am very, very convinced that my entire office will be laid off and the announcement will come within the next few months.

 

My boyfriend, whom I love dearly, is right now making only about $10-13/hr (part of his income is commission) and is contributing only $300 a month towards living expenses (he is paying off school loans). Realistically, he costs me more than he helps out - his living with me and my son has greatly increased our expenses.

 

My first priority is, and has to be, my son, and making sure he is cared for. I am terrified of losing my job. I live in an area where jobs that pay as much as mine are scarce and I may very well have to leave this state to find a career with comparable pay.

 

I need to cut back but it is very hard to do while living with my boyfriend. If I have to leave the state, I want to ask him to come with me, but I honestly can't afford to "take care of him" financially. I will have to pay for child care which I don't have to do right now because my father helps out with my son after school.

 

I am not sure what to do. I need some serious advice. He can tell how tense I am and he has even mentioned that he thinks I'm going to leave him. I don't think he really understands that living in my house for $300/month and paying for groceries once in a while does not really help out that much ... or maybe he does understand but just can't do any more than $300.

 

Just to give some perspective, with my mortgage and utilities alone, my bills are around $1700/mo.

 

That being said, other than my boyfriend's financial issues, I think he is "the one" for me. But I honestly am feeling a little used at this point although I know he would never want me to feel that way.

 

I need help

[abitbroken]

If you feel he is the one, you should be able to talk about money. I would have a conversation when your son is not around and tell him that you have a feeling that your office might be laid off and that you both need to come up with a plan. You need to cut expenses and bring more income in and give some practical ideas like shopping around for cable or bumping your package down to basic and supplementing with Netflix or swapping dvds with friends, eating out less - both together and taking lunches to work, etc. In that same breath, also ask if he could contribute more - either put a particular bill in his name that he'd be responsible for or work something else out. Also, start clipping coupons. Also, if he doesn't pay the bills, maybe he has no idea what they are. Maybe consider sitting down and showing him the cost of all the basic bills, etc. If he makes a lot less, he shouldn't contribute more than you, but a percentage that makes sense based on his income.

 

 

I would do this before telling him to move. If you were married, you would have to figure this out also. But if you were married, it wouldn't be his and yours, it would be the both of yours.

 

BTW, besides not making as much as you, is that his only "financial issue"? Actually, if he makes $10 an hour, that's 400 a week before taxes = 1,600. he's gotta at least be bringing $1,000 a month. If that is all he is making, cutting personal corners (making lunch at home, etc) and maybe bumping it up to $400 might be reasonable, but he still needs money for his car insurance, etc. I would say that if he is making commission on top of it, he needs to save a little as a rainy day fund to make up for bad weeks, but he should be contributing more if he is making a lot more.

 

Also, do you live near a school? If you have a large home or a basement with a separate entrance, what about renting it to a grad student for a semester? Or a bedroom/finished basement that is near the entry way so they wouldn't be crossing paths that much.

 

Only after all of that would I consider asking him to leave - unless he comes up with the idea on his own.

[metrogirl]

How did the expenses change when he moved in? I understand the food bill is probably higher but are there things that he is ordering, using, that make it more expensive in the long run. It doesn't seem like there would be any major changes in utilities if it was just one extra person.

[NANsense]

He's making 500- a week, 2,000 a month and contributing a measly 300-?

$75- a week wouldn't kennel my cat! And the vet doesn't charge on a sliding scale--he doesn't care what my salary is!

 

I realize you make more than he does--but you are paying for two! If the monthly expenses are 1,700 then 1/3 (his share) is roughly 566 by my calculations....what's fair is fair & he is being stingy IMO!

 

If he needs a job with higher income or a second one to pay his fair share--so be it!

 

He may be the greatest guy in the world--but you shouldn't be paying his student loans--which IMO you are if he is paying those as opposed to his fair share of the rent...you have your own kids college to save for & if you had any spare nickels your $ should be going to that!

[Messiah]

If you think he's the one you should be more informed on what he makes and what he spends his money on. Know the exact pay rate he makes, you said 10-13? Find out if it's 10 or 13. How much can he possibly be paying in student loans per month? You never said if he was working full time but if he's working fulltime he should be paying you more than $300 a month - and if that's the case, you have reason to feel used and mooched off of. Talk with him, demand fairness, communicate that you don't want to be his sugar momma.

[Kalika]

Thanks for your input, everyone. I feel better.

 

This morning we got into a fight about it right before I had to leave for work. He was very angry and sarcastic, said I had been pulling away from him (which is correct - and is honestly completely because of this issue) and was yelling at me, asking me "how much is enough for you? how much? you want me to pay half your mortgage?!" and stuff like that. I refused to speak with him any further about it, went to work, and then he called me later on and calmly told me that he had left me a check on the t.v. for $800 and to go ahead and take it to the bank. He also told me that if he has to start making payments towards his student loans.

 

I looked at the check and it says in the memo note "June/July" which I am assuming to mean that he is giving me $400/mo instead of $300/mo. I'm not sure what's going on.

 

I guess we have more to talk about when he gets home from work tonight. **Sigh**

[Applewhite]

There is one question asked here and not answered (that I think was also asked in the prior thread) that I am curious about.

 

How did your expenses change so drastically after he moved in? You said your utilities+mortgage was 1700/month. What was it before he moved in? In addition to the 300 he pays monthly he also pays for half the groceries, right?