I really need some advice...it's killing me

[OhJeeeez]

I have so many issues going on in my life, a girl that loves someone else buts trying to get over him, keeps me in the balance until she does. I had major finacial problems that I am just now pulling myself out of.

 

I have this one issue thats been hanging over my head. I'm not sure if this forum is the right place, but everyone here has been so nice and helpful, maybe someone can give me some good insight to this.

 

First thing I want to explain, is that I am an awesome dad. I have a 4 year old son and a 9 year old daughter (not mine, but I've been her father for 6 years. I love my kids and would do anything in the world for them.

 

Now when I split from thier mom almost a year ago, she was staying with 10 people in a 3 bedroom home (3 different familes). So I took her to court to get temporary custody of them till she got back on her feet. Things were very, very crazy between us. She denied me seeing my daughter, because she could, it was just hairy.

 

So in desperation, she just married this guy that doesnt even live here, he lives about 8 hours away. This was in January. She turned her life around so quick when this happened and now the kids are doing just fine in thier own home.

 

The problem is, this guy is in the Navy and is stationed away from here. He is getting ready to be transfered to California and she has been asking me for months to move her and the kids there.

 

I feel very torn in this situation. The subject hasnt come up in months, but I feel as though she is going to make my life miserable until she gets her way. This woman hurt me worse than anyone ever has, she cheated on me twice. I dont care about her, I just want my kids to be happy.

 

But on the other hand, I don't feel I can be happy with her around. My daughters real father is such a dead beat, he wouldnt care if she left with her. I actually want her to go, so I can get on with my life. I think I will still get to see the kids often enough, but I dont know.

 

I am so confused. Does me wanting her to move make me a bad father?

[YNP8112]

I don't think it makes you a bad father. It seems as if you really truly care for your children and don't want to see them hurt and you want whats best for them right? By your ex moving away I think it will give you more freedom to go out and do things that you want to do and not have her being so close. I'm not exactly sure where you live and how far Calif is from there but a plane trip out there or a road trip to see your kids a couple times a year isn't bad.

[_Ramirez_]

If you let your kids go be prepared not to see them that often. Maybe on the special occasions and even then.... you know how life is crazy and how sometimes money can be tight.

 

I would let her go if I were you, so you can forget about her and move on with your life, but only at the conditions that the childrens stay 6 month with you and then 6 months with her, with this I would add no restriction for you to go back there to see them and no restriction to phone calls. It might take some time for your kids to get used to it and would make them change school during the year but it has been done before and its liveable, for you, her and them.

 

Anyway, it doesn't make you a bad father, it makes you a human being and not wanting to see your ex and wanting her to move all the way to mars if possible is very understandable. Try to work something out with her and let her go when you are agreeing with the terms. Don't let you childrens go without this or you will lose contact with them.

[lil_mamarains13]

Having joint custody can only be hard. I am currently with a guy who has 3 children, 2 are in Florida and one is about 30 min. away. I don't know how you guys do it because I miss the one we get to see so much. It hurts so bad. I give you props for being able to do that. I hope this guy she is married is a good man especially to your children. My questions in all of this is why doesn't her husband move her to where she is?

[OhJeeeez]

We are in Idaho, he is in the "Navy". That should explain it? haha No oceans over here for him to be stationed at.