Should I get out of this relationship?

[dark angel9]

We have been together for 4 months. My boyfriend is great in many ways. We have discussed the future and he sees this a serious and long term relationship. He is caring and affectionate. He has introduced me to all his friends, co-workers and family as his girlfriend. We are both in our early 30's. He has even mentioned that he hopes this relationship will lead to marriage.

 

The problem is that he has these short periods of being distant. He will sometimes go a day or 2 without contacting me. If I contact him, his answers will be brief. Then he would have days when he would send me many loving texts. We also only see each other twice a week and he doesn't ask to see me more than that. Even twice a week, I will have to suggest it some of the time. He has a regular job and is not particularly busy.

 

I did have a talk to him about this. He says that he got badly hurt in his previous relationship that ended 2 years ago and that he just gets periods where he withdraws into himself and thinks. But he assured that he has no doubt about his feelings for me and our relationship. He also invited me to visit his extended family with him in Europe.

 

I do trust him 100% that there is no one else. Our relationship is official on Facebook and he has a profile picture of the two of us. He is just not the type to do that sort of thing so we can rule that out...

 

I guess I am worried that I am investing time into something that is a losing proposition

 

Does this sound like it's worth sticking around or should I bail now?

[intheclouds]

Have you tried discussing your concerns with him?

[erase this face]

You have been together for four months. He's caring, seems 'proud' to have you as a girlfriend, shows affection, communicates, he's taking you to Europe, yet your fixation is how many days a week you see each other, and how often you speak/text. If you are that troubled in spite of his explanation, and you can't be patient after four months, then go ahead and throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[Jd1983]

I would give it a little more time. You've only been together for 4 months, so you can't expect him to change his ways right away.

 

Perhaps, suggest that you would like to at least have some sort of contact on a daily basis and take it from there.

 

It does seem as though he's invested in the relationship right now, although it's not entirely what you want. Again, it takes time for someone to truly open up, especially if they have been burned in the past.

 

Let time take its course, and just enjoy the moment.

[soybeans]

So you are going to possibly terminate your relationship because he isn't in constant contact with you? It's healthy for partners to have space from one another so I personally see nothing wrong with his behavior especially because the relationship seems to be perfectly fine despite this.

[Ms Darcy]

I understand some of your concerns, but if you think this guy is worth it then you have to recognize that you two have different needs for closeness and accept it. Eventually he may want more time together, but not much more. A lot of men are like this (not all).

[Sagreras]

Four months is chicken scratch. You’re both transiting out of the honeymoon phase. Some silence emanating from a man is perfectly understandable, and everyone will have their days when they’re not entirely switched on, and not completely receptive to doing a great deal of communicating.

 

However, keep your eye on him over the next two months. Passive detachment might be his style. If his distancing behaviour increases, confront him. If nothing alters his course after that, dump him. His Actions>His Words.

[hrtlsngl7]

Ummm from his standpoint....YOU ARE NEEDY. He may have hobbies and friends of his own. I suggest you get some as well and don't be so clingy as that will push him away anyway. HE LIKES YOU ALOT. IT'S OBVIOUS DUE TO HIS BEHAVIOR, but he's not willing to wrap himself up in you so much that you are his only world. He's a KEEPER!!!!