Just when you thought you were healing, ex had to go open the wound

[sada88]

So, since I am graduating in about 2 days, my ex decided to come by and return the books and teddy bear I had lent him and to give me a note. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and that I have no desire to read the note. He said it was my perogative to do so but he hopes I would read the letter first. Needless to say, reading the letter open the wound that I thought was healing. I know he wrote the letter to assuage himself of the guilt of cheating, dumping me and hurting his best friend. I've decided to post the letter onto enota and hope to get some advice. Thank you so much.

 

Sada,

 

Where do I begin? There is so much I wanted to say that it all just seems moot at this point. Right off the top- I miss talking to you. I never quite said it but you did bring a special joy to my days when we talked.

 

I never quite said a lot of things but again that is moot point now. I know you probably still need time to heal and this is probably isn't going to help, but I never quite got a chance to say goodbye. I don't want to but I wanted to let you know that I do miss your company0 and I'll always be avaliable if you ever want to start talking again. I know it is going to be a long shot but I just wanted to put it out there.

 

I never said this in any meaningful context but..I really did love you, still do to some extent. Not that it really matters now. Just wanted to say that for once and not be in the middle of an argument. Sorry, at this point I'm rambling and not making any coherent sense. Not that I ever do to begin with. So many things I wanted to say that I can't keep straight in my head. Sorry it took so long to return your books and stuff-didn't want to let go yet.

 

Nothing left for me to say but good luck with your job with Goldman Sachs next year and law school as well. You dn't need me to remind you but I'll do it anyway- You'll do fine and will kick ass. Don't stress it and drive yourself crazy in law school. Good luck with everything.

 

Again, if you ever feel like talking again- I'll always be open to it. Hardest thing I'm writing it has such a dire finale to it (after the fact: I didn't start crying till I wrote this). I never truly said thank you, for everything. The gifts, the trips (whenever I was sick, Gir, books, etc), always being ready to boost my confidence when I needed it, being my best friend when I didn't deserve it. Just...everything. You took amazing care of me for 2 years, I wish I could have said the same. Thank you.

 

-S.

[Fukurokuju]

I went back and read your first thread. And I really would like to encourage you not to pursue anything with this letter though I know it will be hard for you. I've been through this kind of situation for years and though I know the other side of it is, "But we love each other, we're just having problems making it work," any relationship that is marred with multiple break ups in NOT a relationship that will work. I saw in your first thread that he said something along the lines of "It will just be like this for another month and a half and then end again" (? not sure if that's right, correct me if I'm wrong) and he's right, and I believe you know that in your heart. I understand it's hard right now, but it will be much harder 50 break ups later when you finally realize you've been essentially wasting your time on a dead end relationship (not that loving someone is wasting time, but not understanding that sometimes it just doesn't work is). I wish you the best. Keep us updated on whatever you decide.

[sada88]

Thank you for responding * * * urokuju... I will never take him back no matter what. I won't pursue this and I won't pursue him. I talked to his labmates and his friends and I learned that he had been cheating on me prior to us breaking up. The constant breaking up/making up was him not knowing if he wanted to be with me. I never did clarify that in the opening post (I guess that is the beauty of rose-color glasses, you don't see all the bad parts). What he did post break-up means that I will never come back. And it also helps that he keeps on badmouthing me to everyone that would listen-post break up.

 

It also helps that he has a new girlfriend to (the one that he cheated me on-who is the complete opposite of me...isn't that how it always is with infidelity?)