The dreaded "just friends" talk...

[Borashi]

I'll start off by saying that I really thought I'd developed a connection with this girl who was also like my bestfriend, but tonight when we were talking she started telling me how confused she was about the relationship and she said we should slow down and just be friends. Why do girls hide their feelings rather than be upfront about it, if she would have told me this from the very beginning I wouldn't have tried to pursue something more serious with her, now I'm left heart broken and she's just moving along like its no big deal... I can't help being selfish about my needs, I seriously treated her really well for 4 weeks and she grew close to me and I think that she reached the point were she felt she was getting so close she was actually going to open up to me at a really deep level and so she decided to run, thats why she gave me the talk? I'm just grasping for reasons to understand...

[Mike_Wazowski]

Bro....I know that feeling...My advice to you would be to just CHILL! I have the same problem with this woman I am seeing...I show too much attention, too much emotion. It seems that she doesn't really care too much about me....It hurts. I found myself hurting more than being happy.....So I have decided just to Calm down and let what happens happen.

We work together everyday and sometimes if she talks to other guys at work, i used to get so damn jealous....but now, really, who gives a crap.

I have taken some good advice from this forum and put it to good use. I still talk to the girl but I am not totally obsessed with her. I don't try to talk her into doing things with me anymore or try to convince her to like me or to be romantic......

 

My thinking now is this: if she wants me, she knows where to find me...if not, then she can just Kiss off!

 

I advise you to follow that advice Brother!

 

Also...I hit the gym like about 4 times a week. Everyday i go to the gym, i am making myself better, stronger...gives me a lot of Self Confidence...At work I walk like a MAN, not like some wimpering punk azz who has been wounded.

Good Luck Dude!

[goddess23]

hey first of all dont be mad at her for so called hiding her feelings. honestly maybe she felt that connection with you before and the way the relationship is going so far she feels that its just best to be friends. honeslty i cant tell you what shes feeling because im not in your relationship but dont just be like that. i mean people change and feelings change, its not like she was leading you on in the first place. so chill out about that. im sure its tough, but it seems like the more you smother people the more they pull away. my bf and i, we love eachother and care about eachother so much, but neither of us smother the other with calls and un necessary gifts. honestly its nice, and i think the only reason i KINDA miss it is because all these posts, guys keep saying how they treat their girls like princesses, and my bf is not like that. he treats me very sweetly, and gives me everything i could ask for, but he isnt the kind of guy to bring flowers for me everyday or put lil love notes for me. and i dont really do those kind of stuff for him. so it makes me feel as if maybe if a guy really cares he just does this. like we dont celebrate our monthly anniversaries and stuff, but hes met my parents tons of times and we're the only couple left in my lil "group"--going on 8 months. so guys, if you've already spoiled your girls im sorry, because from all the friends i see, they really do feel all that necessary. now let me say, im one of those super understanding girls, i dont mean it in a bragging way, but i honestly think im a really nice gf, as in i dont expect him to do these thigns. he gave me beautiful gifts on valentines and my birthday, but its not a daily thing. so just use this as a lesson. and guys, is it true? if you really care for a girl, do you feel the need to shower her with gifts and mushy stuff?

[Mike_Wazowski]

Hey Goddess....Are you really 16? being 39 I have a much different view on gift giving and giving flowers to a woman. You said you don't like that kinda stuff....I agree with you that doing it like everyday is not a good idea, but for a husband to bring home some flowers once a week, or give his wife a card once and a while telling her that he loves her is what I Think helps to keep the Love Alive in the marriage. Being a Nice and sweet person, is also good as you said but as the old cliche goes "Actions speak louder than Words".

 

Also I totally agree with you about smothering a person is definitely not a good idea. But I'll tell you this, after you have been married for ten years you will be quite happy to get those flowers, or a card, or a little note telling you that your husband still cares and loves you!

 

My post is kinda off topic from this Thread but I just wanted to let people know my thoughts on gift giving....Peace!

[goddess23]

hey mike. okay first of all, yes i am really 16 lol. now, i dont think its not nice, i think its a great thing to have, and DEFINITELY in a marraige, these tokens of appreciation for one another are cherrished. although i still feel that once a week is quite often....but im sure theres a certain day or SOMETHINGGGG lol that has started that tradition for you and thats great. im just saying, i dont think its necessary for a relationship to be strong, and especially in teen or younger peoples relationships. that these endless gifts are ways of smothering a person, making them feel trapped or overloved if you know what i mean. and thats why i say, that with my bf, i would like if he did it ONCE IN AWHILE, like in our 8 months if he did it like twice. but hes a year younger and i understand our relationship, its complicated to go into detail about but ya lol.

 

so ya, im sure after being married for so long, it would be such a joy to have a husband like that, so i commend you on being so thoughtful. but my advice is for someone in the younger age group--it seems these gifts mean almost nothing, and its just the only thing guys think they should do. when really being honest and caring and knowing themselves and judging their own character on being ready for a RELATIONSHIP is what is really needed for these things to work.