Confused about "Needing a break"

[RabidTiger]

Background info My g/f and I have been dating for 5 1/2 years. We started dating back in high school. I was 17 and she was 15 at the time. We attend the same university in our hometown. We are both about to turn 23 and 21 respectively. She wanted and I gave her a promise ring for our 4 year anniversary, so it's a pretty serious relationship. We have talked about long-term plans and marriage. No huge problems...just typical ups and downs along the way. I am asian-american and she's caucasian (just fyi, this shouldn't really matter).

 

Now to the present....

 

My g/f was in NYC for an internship all summer (being away from each other all summer is nothing new, in fact we've done it every year of our relationship). Big city, so much to do...city that never sleeps. Anyways, in mid-July, we talked on the phone like any other day, but I decided to bring up some issues that bothered me. I felt that she wasn't making much of an effort to keep in touch or call. Well the conversation ended up leading to her saying "I need a break". There wasn't much explanation, but she said she didn't feel like being "confined" in a relationship. especially while she was in NYC." She didn't want to worry about giving me the obligated phone call basically and wanting to be "Independent". We agreed to not talk about it or just talk until she got back from NYC. I believe she did a lot of growing up in NYC and all the new experiences up there made her rethink about her long-term thoughts and plans. She's a very career-oriented woman and in my opinion being in a long-term relationship may be a problem for her long-term goals. I think she got scared we got so serious so young.....

 

...Well, she got back August 7th, and noticed she had taken the promise ring off. She didn't want to wear it while we were on break, and "lead me on" and give me a "false sense of hope." She basically said the same thing on why she wanted a break and that she wasn't sure if she was in/out love with me or not. She said she wanted to continue the break until October 2nd, after she gets done taking the LSAT. (From reading this board, it seems that it is a good thing to get a definite date for ending a "break".) She said she also wanted to get a true sense of her feelings for me back in Baton Rouge, LA (Smaller Town, USA) instead of in NYC where obviously there is so much more to do. She honestly doesn't know what her decision is going to be Oct. 2nd.

 

My question is this...

 

Do you think I am getting a raw deal in having to be in this state of limbo until October? It will have been 4 months we would have been in a break? I don't know if I can handle being in this emotional state right before my last semester of school starts and right before I am beginning my job search.... or ....... is it a good thing that she gave me a definite period of time for this break? To me, it's kind of odd that she set a date for after her taking the LSAT. Does she expect to have a switch that says "I like him or I don't like him?" It's weird to me that she has a definite date of when she'll let me know if she wants to continue this relationship or not.

 

The thing is...I have been down this road before with a previous relationship. Not exactly the same road, but I had the chance of beginning the healing process earlier than later, and it ended up being a bad breakup.

 

Also...I am not sure how to act during this "break period." She says she wants to be friends. I want to talk to her badly...but I know that's just putting myself in a bad position from previous experience. What is a right combination of no-contact and being friends. I ultimately do want to be back with her, but I am pretty sure the chances are against me. Right now, I am kind of lost on what to do, how to interact with her.

 

The crappy part is basically all of my support system will be away. Just about all my friends are either, away for college, already graduated from college, if they went to college with me, or off working in another city hours away. It's killing me for some reason that she'll be in the sorority house with all of her friends. LoL...and my apartment is no help...my roomate will be with his 24/7 shacker girlfriend. Right now everything is ok, but once summer is over...BLEH.

[american dream]

Hey bud, I have been there. Dated my ex for a number of years, then we hit the ages you are listing now and she changed. Dont know what to tell you except she is 21, she can go to bars and clubs now, she can drink and be crazy, and this seems to be the state of American girls. Fun fun fun all the time. If she was in NYC and wanted a break and she was 21... do you think she was with anyone else? Hate to bring that up, but hey, gotta look at things realistically.

 

If she is so career oriented you have to examine that too. Is she going to be a good wife/mother/woman? Is she going to be there for you? I just got out of a relationship with the same type of girl, and after examining it A LOT, I don't think it would have worked out. I wanted a wife, and she wanted a career. But think of it as, "what is important to me?" "what do I want out of this in the end". I was so hung up on what my ex wanted I forgot about myself. She is giving you a raw deal, and she shouldn't leave you on a "break" for 4 months. That just isnt right. She is being selfish. She is being childish.

[RabidTiger]

Actually I am really confident she wasn't seeing anyone else.

 

Her family upbringing, moral beliefs, stance on premarital sex, etc. lead me to be certain she wasn't seeinig anyone. That's one major aspect that makes her so attractive to me. Not your typical, party, fun, crazy, Girls Gone Wild girl.

 

I haven't done too much thinking about how her career mindedness and our relationship, but that is something good to think about.

[JuJu]

This doesn't look good at all. I hate to say...but I've put a guy on a break before. Basically, it was because I didn't want to put him through the misery of "breaking up" all together. Plus, I wanted to keep him on the line just incase I didn't find anyone better. I...feel bad about that. Things didn't work out with us...I found someone else. I'm not really sure what your gf has planned, but I don't like the whole exact date thing either. Who does that??? Like you said, will it switch yes or no automatically when the clock strikes midnight on October 1???

She's planning ahead for something, I can tell. Maybe something to do with how well she does on her LSATs.

I hope everything turns out well! Good Luck!